Double meaning + puns
- I asked my friend if he wanted to hear a joke about construction. He said, “Sure, I’m all ears!” So I told him, “I’m still working on it.”
- My friend told me she was terrified of elevators. I said, “Don’t be so lifted up about it!”
- I entered my pet turtle in a race. You could say he’s pretty slow, but I have a feeling he’ll come out of his shell.
- I was going to tell a chemistry joke, but I knew I wouldn’t get a reaction.
- I tried to catch fog yesterday. I mist.
- I took my new girlfriend to a comedy club last night, but there was no chemistry between us.
- My friend got fired from the calendar factory. All he did was take a day off.
- I entered a contest for most nostalgic person. I’m still waiting for the results.
- I told my contractor I didn’t want carpeted steps. He gave me a blank stair.
- The frustrated cannibal threw up his arms.
Double meaning + one-liners
- I’m reading a book on the history of glue. It’s impossible to put it down.
- I wasn’t originally going to get a brain transplant, but then I changed my mind.
- My friend got mad at me for smelling his sister’s underwear. But it was all in good fun.
- I told my carpenter I didn’t want carpeted walls. He gave me a blank stare.
- I entered myself in a most sarcastic person contest. What are the chances I’ll win?
- Did you know if you play a country song backwards, you get your wife and job back?
- I’m thinking of moving to Moscow and starting a comedy troupe called The Kremlin Gremlins.
- Don’t trust atoms. They make up everything.
- A Rolling Stone gathers no moss, but they do get stoned.
- I bought some shoes from a drug dealer. I don’t know what he laced them with, but I’ve been tripping all day.
Best double meaning jokes
21. I asked the surgeon if I could administer my own anesthetic. He said, “Sure, knock yourself out!”
22. My friend got injured during a game of musical chairs. I told him to just walk it off.
23. I entered the world’s worst pun contest. I submitted 10 different puns to see if any would win. Unfortunately, no pun in 10 did.
24. Did you hear about the guy whose whole left side was cut off? He’s all right now.
25. I wasn’t originally going to get a brain transplant, but then I changed my mind.
26. I couldn’t figure out why the baseball kept getting bigger. Then it hit me.
27. Did you hear about the guy who got hit in the head with a can of soda? He was lucky it was a soft drink.
28. I told my girlfriend she drew her eyebrows too high. She seemed surprised.
29. My friend got injured during a game of musical chairs. I told him to just walk it off.
30. I entered a contest for the most nostalgic person, but I’m still waiting for the results.
31. I tried catching fog earlier today. I mist.
32. I told my carpenter I didn’t want carpeted walls. He gave me a blank stare.
33. Did you hear about the guy who invented Lifesavers? They say he made a mint.
34. I went to buy some camouflage trousers but couldn’t find any.
35. I was wondering why the frisbee kept getting bigger and bigger, but then it hit me.
36. I couldn’t figure out why the baseball kept getting bigger. Then it hit me.
37. Did you hear about the guy who got hit in the head with a can of soda? He didn’t get hurt because it was a soft drink.
38. I told my girlfriend she drew her eyebrows too high. She seemed surprised.
39. I tried looking for my ex girlfriend’s killer but no one would do it.
40. Did you hear about the guy who invented the knock-knock joke? They say he won the ‘no-bell’ prize.
41. I bought some shoes from a drug dealer. I don’t know what he laced them with, but I’ve been tripping all day.
42. I couldn’t quite remember how to throw a boomerang, but eventually it came back to me.
43. Don’t trust atoms. They make up everything.
44. I’m reading a great book about anti-gravity. It’s impossible to put down!
45. I was wondering why the frisbee was getting bigger, then it hit me.
46. The other day I held the door open for a clown. I thought it was a nice jester.
47. Need an ark to save two of every animal? I noah guy.
48. Did you hear about the guy who got hit in the head with a can of soda? He didn’t get hurt because it was a soft drink.
49. I used to have a fear of hurdles, but I got over it.
50. Don’t trust atoms. They make up everything.