Daycare Puns (15)
1. Q: Why was the daycare teacher frustrated? A: The children were giving her a tantrum.
2. Q: Why did the daycare teacher take a nap? A: She was tired of the kids.
3. Q: How do daycare teachers entertain toddlers? A: They play peek-a-boo.
4. Q: Why do daycare teachers deserve a raise? A: They work hard to provide for the kids.
5. Q: Why was the daycare closed? A: There was no staff to watch the kids.
6. Q: Why do daycare teachers have eyes in the back of their heads? A: To see what the kids are up to behind their backs.
7. Q: Why do daycare teachers count during playtime? A: To keep track of the kids.
8. Q: How do daycare teachers get the kids to settle down for naptime? A: They tell them to rest their eyes.
9. Q: Why do daycare teachers constantly wipe down surfaces? A: To avoid the spread of germs.
10. Q: Why do daycare teachers always carry bandaids? A: For when the kids get hurt.
11. Q: Why was the daycare field trip chaotic? A: The teachers lost control of the kids.
12. Q: Why did the daycare hire more teachers? A: They were short staffed.
13. Q: How do daycare teachers curb bad behavior? A: They use discipline.
14. Q: Why was the daycare teacher exhausted at the end of the day? A: The kids wore her out.
15. Q: What’s a daycare teacher’s favorite day of the week? A: Napday!
Daycare One-Liners (15)
16. Daycare teachers have the patience of saints when it comes to potty training.
17. Daycare – where mac and cheese is considered a gourmet meal.
18. Daycare teachers pack more snacks than a flight attendant.
19. Daycare teachers can change a diaper in under 10 seconds flat.
20. Daycare – where curbside drop offs are done at full speed.
21. Daycare teachers have a sixth sense for knowing which kid made that suspicious smell.
22. Daycare teachers earn their salary solely from preventing toddler collisions.
23. Daycare teachers should get combat pay for surviving the daily germ warfare.
24. Daycare teachers keep the paper towel and disinfectant companies in business.
25. Daycare teachers have OCD levels of sanitizing after kids use the bathroom.
26. Daycare teachers know how to turn toddler chaos into organized activities.
27. Daycare teachers can hawk a loogie at 20 paces into a tissue.
28. Daycare teachers have noises of giggles, crying, and yelling permanently etched in their brains.
29. Daycare teachers somehow make wiping snotty noses look graceful.
30. Daycare teachers have Olympic levels of speed when it comes to catching a kid about to fall.
Best Daycare Jokes (20)
31. Little Timmy came home crying from his first day at daycare. His mom asked what was wrong. “All of the other kids picked on me and made fun of my name,” he sobbed. His mom replied, “Don’t worry sweetie, you can go back tomorrow and pick a new name for yourself.”
32. The new daycare teacher was trying to get the kids to settle down for their afternoon nap. She said in a stern voice, “If you kids don’t stop talking and go to sleep right now, I’m going to have to punish you!” All of the sudden one little girl popped up from her cot and yelled, “You can’t punish us! Our last teacher tried and we did the Peter Panda dance on her!”
33. A daycare teacher told her class of toddlers that she would give them a cookie if they could spell MISS JOHNSON. One little girl jumped up and down shouting “M-I-S-S J-O-H-N-S-O-N!” The teacher applauded her and gave her a cookie. Then a little boy stood up and calmly spelled, “M-Y-S-S J-O-N-S-I-N.”
34. The daycare director showed the substitute teacher around on her first day. “We just potty trained this group so when you take them to the bathroom, make sure to remind them first.” Later that day when it was bathroom time the sub said, “Okay kids, what do we need to do before we go?” All together they shouted, “WE FORGOT!”
35. A daycare teacher told her class, “I’m going out of the room for 5 minutes, no one talk or make any noises!” When she returned, she found all the kids frozen in very strange positions. She asked, “What are you all doing?!” One of the kids answered, “We’re playing freeze tag and you’re it!”
36. At naptime, the daycare teacher noticed one little boy wasn’t settling down like the other kids. She went over and said, “It’s rest time now, you need to go to sleep.” The boy replied, “But I’m not tired.” “Just try to sleep,” the teacher insisted. “You’re not the boss of me!” he argued. The teacher smiled and said, “No, but I am the boss of your cot. Now lie down and be quiet.”
37. A daycare teacher told the kids they were going to play the quiet game and whoever stayed silent the longest would get a prize. She left the room and five minutes later returned to find them all sitting perfectly still and not making a peep. Suddenly, one little girl pointed an accusing finger at a boy across the circle shouting, “HE FARTED!” Chaos immediately ensued.
38. The daycare class was preparing for their end of the year program where they would be performing some songs. The teacher was trying to get their attention to practice. She said, “Okay kids, what starts with a T, ends with a T and has T in it?” One boy proudly answered, “A teapot!” “Very good!” said the teacher. “Now let’s take it from the top!”
39. A little girl came running into her daycare classroom wailing. The teacher asked what was wrong. The girl cried, “Danny said I looked like a monkey!” The teacher replied, “Well I happen to think you look adorable. There’s no need to listen to Danny.” The girl shouted back, “I wanna look like a monkey too!”
40. The daycare teacher gathered the toddlers around a tape player and said they were going to have a dance party. She turned on an upbeat kid’s song and the tots started jumping and spinning around. Suddenly, one little boy stopped dancing and shouted, “WHO FARTED?!” All the kids immediately halted and looked around accusingly.
41. The daycare teacher told her class, “Let’s think happy thoughts to start our day. Who wants to share?” Sally raised her hand eager to respond. “Last night we had pizza for dinner!” The children gasped in awe. Bobby added, “I got to stay up until bedtime!” The rest of the kids oohed in amazement.
42. A mom was picking up her son after his first week at a new daycare. She asked the teacher, “How did he do? Was he well behaved?” The teacher replied, “He was an angel, just perfect. In fact, I don’t remember him at all!” The mom was shocked. “Really, that bad huh?”
43. The daycare director walked by a classroom and noticed the kids bouncing off the walls while the teacher sat staring blankly. Concerned there was an emergency, the director said, “What’s wrong? Why are you just sitting there?” The teacher turned with a traumatized look and whispered, “They told me I’m the gatekeeper and I have to wait here for the keymaster.”
44. A daycare teacher was reading a picture book about animals to her class when she held up an illustration of a deer. She asked one little boy, “What animal is this?” He answered, “A horse!” She tried again more slowly. “No, what animal has big antlers on its head?” The boy repeated confidently, “A horse!”
45. The daycare teacher told the children, “Let’s play a game! I’ll describe an animal and you make the noise it makes.” She said, “Cow!” The kids mooed. “Cat!” They meowed. “Sheep!” They baaed. “Mouse!” They squeaked. “Giraffe!” Half the kids paused in confusion while the other half bellowed, “MOO!”
46. A daycare teacher was reading a book to her class when she decided to ask the toddlers some questions to check their comprehension. She said, “What color is the bear in the story?” All the kids shouted “Brown!” She continued, “And what is the bear doing?” One little girl eagerly answered, “Pooping!” The teacher was speechless.
47. A new toddler was starting at daycare so the teacher gathered the other kids to meet him. She said, “This is our new friend Tommy, make sure to say hi!” One outspoken little girl marched up to Tommy, got right in his face, and screamed, “HI TOMMY!” Then she promptly marched away looking very pleased with herself.
48. The daycare teacher lined up all the toddlers and said, “Now remember, when we go outside you need to hold my hand or each other’s hands so no one gets lost.” They nodded in unison. As soon as they stepped foot on the playground, every child took off screaming and sprinting in different directions.
49. The daycare teacher could not get one rowdy little boy to settle down all morning. At lunchtime she finally put him in timeout. He sat there grumbling for a few minutes before standing up and proclaiming, “I’ve been framed!” Then he glared at the class accusingly.
50. The lead toddler teacher called in sick so the daycare owner offered to cover the class for the day. When the wild pack of toddlers saw a new person walk in, they exchanged mischievous looks. The owner knew she was in trouble when one little boy screamed a battle cry and they all charged straight at her.
