Cemetery Puns (25)
1. I heard the cemetery raised its prices recently, people are just dying to get in!
2. The cemetery was really busy today, people must be just dying to get in.
3. The cemetery caretaker really digs his job.
4. I can’t believe the cemetery is already full. People must be just dying to get in there.
5. The cemetery had to start a waiting list. There’s a dying demand to get in!
6. I hear the cemetery had to install speed bumps by the entrance. People were just dying to get in!
7. Make sure you don’t arrive at the cemetery too late, or you’ll miss the dead-line.
8. The cemetery is getting pretty packed these days. People are just dying to get in there.
9. Working at the cemetery really has its ups and downs. Some days are quiet, other days it’s quite lively!
10. Make sure you RSVP for that cemetery plot early. They’re dying to get your reservation!
11. I wanted to get a plot at the local cemetery, but they said all the openings were filled up! People must be dying to get in.
12. I heard the cemetery is offering a frequent haunter program. Die ten times and the eleventh plot’s free!
13. Make sure to get to the cemetery on time. They don’t take latecomers.
14. The cemetery groundskeeper loves his job. He says it has its ups and downs!
15. Working at the cemetery has its perks. I’m digging this job!
16. I wanted to be buried in the cemetery, but apparently all the plots are taken. People must be dying to get in!
17. The cemetery is getting pretty crowded. There’s a dying need for more space!
18. Make sure you don’t be late for your cemetery reservation. There’s a dead line, after all!
19. I hear the cemetery is offering a “buy one grave, get one half off” deal. Now that’s a dead good bargain!
20. The cemetery is really booming lately! Business is looking grave!
21. Make sure you don’t arrive at the cemetery past your plot’s bedtime. They’re pretty strict about visiting hours!
22. Working at the cemetery has its ups and downs, but I love it. I’m absolutely grave about this job!
23. The cemetery groundskeeper just got a promotion. Now he’s the head gravekeeper!
24. Make sure you don’t miss your plot reservation at the cemetery. They don’t take latecomers six feet under!
25. I wanted to get a cemetery plot next to my friends, but they said that section is all filled up. We must be dying to be neighbors!
Cemetery One-Liners (15)
26. I was going to tell a cemetery joke, but it fell flat.
27. What do you call a cemetery that’s accepting new residents? A lively place!
28. What do you call a gravedigger who just got fired? Unemployed.
29. What’s a ghosts favorite place to hang out? A cemetery, of course!
30. How do zombies decide where to live? Location, location, location.
31. Why was the haunted graveyard so popular? It had curb appeal.
32. What do you call a cemetery that’s all booked up? A dead end.
33. Why don’t skeletons fight each other? They don’t have the guts.
34. What do you call a cemetery dance party? A graveyard smash!
35. Why are cemeteries so popular these days? Everyone’s dying to get in!
36. What’s a ghosts favorite dessert? I scream!
37. Where do ghosts go out on Friday nights? Anywhere they can boo-gie!
38. What’s a skeleton’s favorite musical instrument? The trom-bone!
39. Why did the zombie cross the road? To get to the body shop!
40. How do you make a skeleton laugh? Tickle its funny bone!
Best Cemetery Jokes (45)
41. A man was walking home late one night when he passed by a graveyard. Not thinking much of it, he kept walking until he heard a voice call out, “Wait! Come back!” The man stopped, unsure of what he had heard. Again the voice called out, “Please, come here!”
The man, though unsettled, walked back towards the graveyard. “Where are you?” he asked nervously. “Here, under this tombstone!” the voice replied. Shaking, the man slowly approached the tombstone. When he was close enough to make out the etching, he read the deceased’s name: “Bernie Sanders.”
42. A family was driving down the road on the way to visit a relative’s grave in the local cemetery. As they drove through the tall wrought iron gates, their young son looked out the window then turned to his parents and asked, “Do they bury past and present people here?” His parents chuckled then his mother replied, “No, dear. Only dead people are buried in the cemetery.” The young boy thought about this for a moment then said, “Well then how do they know when to stop?!?”
43. Dan had gone to pay his respects at his grandfather’s grave. As he stood by the tombstone, reflecting on the man’s life, he noticed a young boy standing on the other side. Curious, Dan asked “Did you know my grandfather?” The little boy replied “No sir, I didn’t know him. But he was friends with Moses and I do know Moses.” Confused, Dan responded “But my grandfather died 25 years ago. That was long after Moses was alive.” The boy smiled and said “Oh yes, but I know Moses. He still visits the cemetery every day to talk with his old friends.”
44. Martha and Paul were walking through the cemetery when Martha turned to her husband and remarked “You know, it’s funny but people are dying to get into this place!” Paul rolled his eyes at the bad joke but good-naturedly replied “Yes dear, although some of them look like they would kill to get out of here!” They both laughed as they continued strolling past the tombstones. Up ahead, they noticed a man kneeling by one of the graves talking quietly. As they got closer, they overheard him say “You know, I’m sure going to miss you! Rest in peace old friend.” Martha and Paul smiled sadly at one another, touched by the heartfelt sentiment.
45. A man went to visit his friend’s grave at the local cemetery. As he stood looking down at the tombstone, he heard a voice say “How are you doing?” Startled, the man looked around but saw no one. The voice spoke again “Hey, I’m down here. Under the dirt.” Beginning to freak out but unable to contain his curiosity, the man shakily replied “Who…who are you?” “It’s me, Dave, your old buddy!” said the voice from below the ground. “Dave?! But…but you died years ago!” exclaimed the frightened man. “Sure did!” said the cheerful voice. “But why…how are you talking to me?” asked the man. “Easy,” replied Dave, “Cemetery Wifi!”
46. Harry was visiting the grave of his dear childhood friend, Jacob, who had passed away many years ago. As he stood reflecting on memories of their youth, he was startled to hear a voice behind him ask “You miss him, don’t you?” Whirling around, Harry found himself face-to-face with a strange man he had never seen before. “I’m sorry, do I know you?” Harry asked, confused. “No, you don’t know me,” replied the stranger, “but I knew your friend Jacob. We used to come to this cemetery together and reminisce about old times.” Still baffled, Harry responded “That’s impossible. Jacob died in 2005.” The odd man just smiled and said “Death is only the beginning for true friends.” With that, he turned and walked away, leaving Harry standing there wondering if he had just met a ghost.
47. Carol was tidying up around her aunt’s grave when she noticed a man lingering nearby. Trying to make conversation, she gestured to the gravestone and said “I’m just here visiting my aunt. Did you know her?” The man shook his head and replied “No, I never met her when she was alive. But now that she’s passed, we get together for coffee once a week and chat.” Carol stared at him. “You…meet up with my dead aunt for coffee?” she asked in disbelief. “Of course!” said the man. “It’s important to socialize after death. The cemetery Starbucks is quite popular, your aunt loves the pumpkin spice lattes.” Carol didn’t know whether to be amused or concerned. “Well…you two have fun with that!” she said as she quickly walked away.
48. Sam was walking through the old cemetery when he came across a man sitting on a bench chatting away. Curious about who he could be talking to, Sam walked up and sat down next to the man. To his surprise, there was no one else around! The man seemed to be chatting with the air. “Sorry to interrupt,” Sam said politely, “But who are you talking to?” The man smiled and replied “Oh, just some of my old friends.” He gestured at the gravestones surrounding them. “We get together to catch up once a week. Can’t let a little thing like death get in the way of friendship!” Still perplexed, Sam just nodded politely. “Well don’t let me get in the way of your reunion. Have fun!” And with that, he hurried off, shaking his head. Some people sure had strange ways of coping with loss.
49. Joey was walking through the cemetery one evening when he noticed a strange glow coming from a grave under a large oak tree. As he cautiously moved closer, he was startled to see a ghostly figure rising from the tombstone. Heart pounding, Joey turned to run but the spirit called out “Wait, don’t be afraid! I just want some company.” Joey paused, unsure whether to stay or flee. The ghost said “Being dead can get lonely, you know. Please, sit with me for a bit. I so miss pleasant conversation with the living.” Still wary but also curious, Joey sat on a nearby bench. The ghost floated over and settled beside him. They chatted as the moon rose high in the night sky. And that was the start of an unlikely but wonderful friendship between a boy and a cemetery ghost.
50. Two middle school friends, Amy and Lily, were walking home from soccer practice when they decided to take a shortcut through the cemetery. As the sun began to set, casting eerie shadows between the tombstones, the girls began to regret their decision. Huddling close together, they followed the winding path, hoping it would soon lead them out. Suddenly, Amy froze, grabbing Lily’s arm. “Did…did you hear that?” she whispered. From behind a large memorial statue came a groaning noise, followed by shambling footsteps. Amy and Lily screamed as a zombie lurched out, arms reaching for them. They turned to run but were blocked by a werewolf prowling from the other direction. Sobbing, the girls held each other awaiting their doom. Just then, a loud “CUT!” rang out. The zombie and werewolf stopped advancing and began chatting with the director about getting the next cemetery scene right.
51. After her grandfather died, Amelia started visiting his grave in the old village cemetery every Sunday, sitting by the headstone and telling him about her week. This Sunday as she settled on the grass and began chatting away, a voice suddenly interrupted “Wait, could you speak up? It’s hard to hear you down here.” Amelia leapt up, looking around wildly but seeing no one. “Wh-who’s there?” she stammered. “It’s just me, your grandpa!” said the voice from beneath the ground. “Grandpa?? But…you’re dead!” exclaimed Amelia. “Well yes, but that doesn’t mean I can’t still hear what’s going on up there,” the voice replied cheerfully. “Now come sit back down and tell me all about your week. Don’t leave out any details!” Though she knew it made no logical sense, Amelia found herself sitting back down and continuing her one-sided conversation with her grandfather’s grave, just glad she could still connect with him even if only in her imagination.
52. Two buddies, Tyler and James, decided to have a contest to see who was braver. They headed to the town cemetery late one night, each taking a different path through the sea of tombstones. James followed the main dirt trail, peering nervously into the shadows. He jumped at every snap of a twig, eyes darting around. Meanwhile, Tyler meandered deep into the graves, whistling without a care. After 30 minutes, the friends met back up at the main gate. “Man, you should have seen your face,” laughed James. “You looked ready to run scared!” Tyler just grinned and held up a battered wallet. “Oh yeah? Check out what I got off some zombie. Now who’s the scaredy cat?” From that night on, James never doubted Tyler’s courage again.
53. The old Henderson Cemetery had been abandoned for decades. Teenagers saw it as the perfect party spot – away from adults and full of edgy ambience. But they were also wary of the cemetery’s haunted reputation. One Halloween night, a group of high school seniors snuck in, ready for some spooky fun. They brought candles and flashlights, bobbed for apples, and took selfies posing next to crumbling graves. As the night went on, they began exchanging ghost stories, each scarier than the last. Suddenly, a loud crash came from the nearby crypt, followed by a blood-curdling scream. The terrified teens fled, hearts pounding. But it was just the class clown Josh and his buddies rigging up creepy special effects. Their prank worked perfectly, and the Henderson Cemetery’s haunted reputation was secured for another generation.
54. Two young girls dared each other to sneak into the old cemetery at midnight to see who could stay there the longest. At first, Zoe and Becky were having fun reading the funny names and epitaphs on the weathered tombstones. But as the night dragged on, the cemetery’s creepy atmosphere started to get to them. Every little noise or moving shadow made their hair stand on end. Something rustled in the bushes directly behind where Becky stood. She whirled around nervously. Seeing nothing there, she turned back to tell Zoe she was definitely ready to chicken out. But her friend had vanished! Heart pounding, Becky searched between the graves but found no sign of Zoe. Suddenly, a hand grabbed her shoulder. Becky shrieked and spun around to see Zoe laughing hysterically. Though relieved, Becky smacked Zoe’s arm for nearly scaring her to death!
55. Sam and Dean pulled up to the cemetery, tires crunching on the gravel driveway. It was late and a full moon cast shadows between the rows of tombstones. “Are you sure this is where the bodies have gone missing?” asked Sam, squinting into the darkness. Dean opened the trunk and started loading up on stakes, shotguns, and flashlights. “Yup, three graves robbed over the last week. Sounds like ghouls.” The brothers crept slowly into the cemetery, weapons ready. Passing crypts and monuments, they strained their ears for any unnatural sounds. Suddenly, Dean held up a hand, signaling for Sam to stop. A low moan echoed through the graves. The brothers exchanged a look, nodding, and picked up speed towards the noise. Weapons raised, they burst around the corner ready to fight. But instead of a monster, they found themselves face-to-face with a startled groundskeeper enjoying a late night snack!
56. Ever since Mary was a little girl, she loved visiting the old Gothic cemetery by her grandparents’ farm. She enjoyed reading the poetic epitaphs and wondering about the people laid to rest there. As she grew older, she continued her cemetery walks, finding peace and perspective among the worn headstones. One stormy night as she strolled between the rows, she noticed an eerie glow up ahead. Approaching cautiously, she was startled to see ghostly specters rising from a far corner! Translucent men, women, and children glided silently through the downpour, converging on a large crypt. Heart racing, Mary watched as dozens of spirits passed into the crypt, lighting it from within. Just then, a kindly voice next to her said “Come my dear, let’s get inside.” Mary turned to see her smiling grandmother, umbrella in hand, leading her away. Some mysteries were better left unsolved.
57. Two twelve-year-old boys armed with flashlights and candy bars snuck away from their campout to explore the creepy old cemetery down the hill. Trying not to let their imaginations run wild, they wandered through rows of crumbling graves reading funny epitaphs and daring each other to touch the cold statues. As the night wore on, the cemetery’s e
