Zombie Puns
- What do you call a zombie who cooks stir fry? A brain wok.
- Why don’t zombies eat clowns? They taste funny.
- What do you call a zombie magician? A necro-mancer.
- How does a zombie prepare his food? He grave-robes it.
- Why do zombies make good gardeners? They’re great at dead-heading.
- What do you call a psychic zombie? A four-tune teller.
- Why don’t zombies ever shower? Because they fall apart in water.
- How do zombies bake bread? With grave flour.
- What do you call a zombie comedian? The undead-pan.
- What do you call a zombie priest? Father Grimm Reaper.
Zombie One-Liners
- I asked my zombie friend how his date went. He said it was rotten.
- What did the zombie say when he walked into a bar? One brain martini, please.
- My zombie neighbor knocked on my door at 2 AM. He must be dead tired.
- I told my zombie friend to turn his life around. He did a 180 and walked away.
- What’s a zombie’s favorite bean? A human bean.
- How does a zombie stop a CD? He grabs it by the edges.
- What do zombies use to make phone calls? A dead line.
- I saw a zombie at the hardware store. He was coffin up some supplies.
- My zombie friend got a job as a telemarketer. He made some cold calls.
- What do you call a zombie bodybuilder? Dead lift.
Best Zombie Jokes
11. A zombie walks into a bar and says to the bartender, “I’ll have a shot of whiskey and a mop.” Bartender asks, “Why the mop?” Zombie replies, “Well, the whiskey is for drinking, and the mop is so I can clean up my arm that just fell off onto the floor.”
12. What did the zombie say to the bartender? I’ll have two fingers of scotch. The bartender poured the drink and said, “That’ll be $12.” The zombie moaned and pulled out two severed fingers from his pocket.
13. Why don’t zombies eat politicians’ brains? Because they’re too rotten!
14. How do you know when a zombie has been in your refrigerator? All the politician brains are missing!
15. A zombie walks into a bar and orders a beer. The bartender takes one look at him and says, “I’m sorry sir, but we don’t serve zombies here.” The zombie is outraged and screams, “That’s specist! I’m going to sue you for discrimination.” The bartender calmly replies, “That’s fine, it’s your funeral.”
16. What’s a zombie’s favorite dessert? Brains flambé.
17. Why can’t zombies keep their jobs? They’re always getting fired.
18. What do zombies use to keep their breath fresh? Ghoul-gate.
19. Why did the zombie actress get an Oscar? Because of her DEAD-icated performance.
20. Where do zombies like to swim? At the dead sea.
21. What’s a zombie’s favorite fruit? Nectarines.
22. How do zombies greet each other? “Blood tastes good on you!”
23. Why do zombies make great detectives? They keep digging up clues!
24. What do you call a zombie who does stand up comedy? A funny dead guy.