Weather Puns
1. I wanted to enjoy the sunny weather, but it was overcast with clouds.
2. The weatherman said there was a 50% chance of rain today, but 100% of the rain fell on me!
3. I asked my friend how the weather was, he said it was raining cats and dogs. I said I hope no poodles get hurt!
4. I heard two clouds ran into each other, the police are calling it a muggy situation.
5. I entered a competition for who could write the best weather puns. I submitted ten entries hoping one would win, but no pun in ten did.
6. Did you hear about the fight between two weather fronts? There was a cold front.
7. Why are meteorologists always so cheerful? They have a sunny disposition.
8. What do you call dangerous precipitation that falls from the sky? A rain of terror.
9. Why do meteorologists get the best grades in math? They have a lot of problem solving skills.
10. My friend got hit by a snowplow. Let’s hope he re-covers soon!
Weather One-Liners
11. I asked my weatherman to predict the future, he said he could see it raining cats and dogs.
12. I brought my umbrella to a sunny picnic, now everyone thinks I’m shady.
13. My weather app said there was a 0% chance of rain, now I’m all wet!
14. This morning I woke up bright and early, looked outside and thought – what a delightful day. Then it started raining.
15. Don’t trust weather forecasts, I was promised a sunny day and I haven’t seen the sun all day!
16. The weathermen said it would just drizzle today. They lied, it’s a full on monsoon out there!
17. I asked my friend how’s the weather, he said “It’s raining men!” and burst into song.
18. Sunny with a chance of awkward small talk about the sunny weather.
19. This weather makes me want to sit inside and binge watch Netflix all day.
20. The weatherman said it would be sunny today, I should have known it was too good to be true.
Best Weather Jokes
21. My friend called and said “Hey, want to hear a weather joke?” I replied “Yes, go ahead!” He said “Nevermind, it looks like the joke will be blown away by the wind.”
22. A woman was listening to the weather report on the radio. The announcer said there would be 2-4 inches of snow overnight. The woman exclaimed to her husband “Wow, that weatherman can predict the weather all the way down to the inch. What an expert!” The husband replied “Yes dear, or it could just snow for 2-4 hours.”
23. One sunny day a man walked outside and noticed his neighbor was sunbathing naked in her backyard. He asked “Aren’t you worried about getting a sunburn?” She replied “Nope, the weatherman said it was safe to expose some skin today.”
24. A weatherman told his friend he could predict the weather by just looking up at the sky. His friend said “Really? Let me test you.” The friend pointed up to the sky and said “What’s the weather like up there?” The weatherman replied “Partly cloudy.”
25. A man noticed dark clouds rolling in and became worried. He asked his coworker “What does it look like the weather is going to be like?” The coworker glanced out the window briefly and said “Well, it looks like rain.” The man rolled his eyes and said “Come on, be a little more specific than that! Anybody can look outside and see it’s going to rain.” The coworker replied “Ok, sorry, let me be more precise: it looks like wet rain.”
26. Why are storms named after people? It’s easier to remember someone named Bob wrecking your backyard than a hurricane numbered #238.
27. What kind of exercise do lazy meteorologists do? Forecasts.
28. Why was the little cloud so sad? Because everyone kept raining on his parade!
29. How does the sun get to work in the morning? It takes the solar expressway.
30. What happens when fog lifts in California? UCLA.
31. Why did the woman go outside in the middle of a hailstorm? Because she wanted to experience some self-hail.
32. Why are tornadoes so empty-handed? They love to touch down but never pick anything up.
33. What do you call a seagull that lives near the bay? A bagel.
34. How does Moses make tea? Hebrews it.
35. What do you call a fake noodle? An Impasta.
36. Want to hear a joke about construction? I’m still working on it.
37. Why can’t a bicycle stand on its own? It’s two-tired.
38. What do you call an elephant that doesn’t matter? An irrelephant.
39. Did you hear about the mathematician who’s afraid of negative numbers? He’ll stop at nothing to avoid them.
40. What’s the best thing about Switzerland? I don’t know, but the flag is a big plus.
41. Why did the coffee file a police report? It got mugged.
42. Where do fruits go on vacation? Pear-is!
43. What do you call cheese that’s not yours? Nacho cheese!
44. I started a band called “999 Megabytes” – we haven’t gotten a gig yet.
45. What do you call an alligator in a vest? An in-vest-igator!
46. Why couldn’t the pony sing? Because it was just a little hoarse!
47. What did one hat say to the other? “Stay here! I’m going on ahead.”
48. What kind of shoes do ninjas wear? Sneakers!
49. Did you hear about the banker who got stitches? He needed mending.
50. Why can’t you hear a pterodactyl use the restroom? Because the “P” is silent.
51. What did the buffalo say to his son leaving for college? Bison!
52. Why can’t bicycles stand up on their own? They’re two tired!
53. How do trees access the internet? They just log on.
54. Did you hear about the cheese factory that exploded in France? There was nothing left but de Brie.
55. Did you hear about the guy who stole a calendar? He got 12 months!
56. I entered ten puns into a contest to see which would win. No pun in ten did.
57. What kind of shoes does a thief wear? Sneakers!
58. Why do melons have weddings? Because they cantaloupe!
59. How does Moses make his tea? Hebrews it!
60. I stayed up all night wondering where the sun went. Then it dawned on me.
61. What do you call a dog magician? A labracadabrador.
62. Why don’t eggs tell jokes? They’d crack each other up!
63. What do you call a bee that can’t make up its mind? A maybe.
64. I wanted to learn to drive a stick shift, but I couldn’t find a manual.
65. Why did the police arrest the turkey? They suspected fowl play.
66. Why don’t scientists trust atoms? Because they make up everything!
67. What do you call a dog that does magic tricks? A labracadabrador.
68. Why couldn’t the bicycle stand up? Because it was two tired!
69. I’m reading a book about anti-gravity. It’s impossible to put down!
70. Want to hear a construction joke? I’m still working on it.
71. Why don’t eggs tell jokes? They’d crack each other up!
72. Did you hear about the kidnapping at school? It’s fine, he woke up.
73. Why don’t scientists trust atoms? Because they make up everything!
74. What do you call a fake noodle? An Impasta!
75. What concert costs just 45 cents? 50 Cent featuring Nickelback!
76. How do you make a tissue dance? You put a little boogie in it!
77. I’m reading a book on the history of glue. It’s very binding.
78. I couldn’t work out how to fasten my seatbelt. Then it just clicked.
79. Did you hear about the guy who got hit in the head with a soda can? He was lucky it was a soft drink.
80. I told my therapist I was having suicidal thoughts. He said I have to start charging more.
81. Why don’t eggs tell jokes? They’d crack each other up!
82. What concert costs just 45 cents? 50 Cent featuring Nickelback!
83. Did you hear the rumor about butter? Well, I’m not going to spread it!
84. Why couldn’t the bike stand up by itself? It was two tired!
85. What did one hat say to the other hat? You stay here, I’ll go on ahead!
86. I threw a boomerang a few years ago and now I live in constant fear.
87. What did the buffalo say to his son when he left for college? Bison!
88. I couldn’t figure out why the baseball kept getting bigger. Then it hit me.
89. Did you hear about the Italian chef who died? He pasta way.
90. I used to have a fear of hurdles, but I got over it!
91. Did you hear about the hungry clock? It went back four seconds.
92. Did you hear about the claustrophobic astronaut? He just needed a little space!
93. Why don’t scientists trust atoms? Because they make up everything!
94. What do you call a dog magician? A labracadabrador!
95. I knew I shouldn’t steal a calendar, but I took my chances anyway. Now I’m doing 12 months!