Washing Machine Puns (10)
1. I bought a new washing machine yesterday. It really cleaned up!
2. My washing machine plays music while it runs. You could say it has some washing tunes.
3. I was excited when I first got my washing machine, but now I’m barely keeping my detergent.
4. My washing machine is so noisy, it really gets on my wringer.
5. I named my washing machine Usain because it’s the fastest at laundry.
6. My washing machine is the only appliance I have that doesn’t drain me emotionally.
7. I wish my washing machine had Wi-Fi so I could check the load from afar.
8. My washing machine has an identity crisis – it thinks it’s a dryer!
9. I bought the extended warranty for my washing machine in case it ever goes into a spin cycle.
10. My washing machine is so talented, it can turn any stain into a work of art.
Washing Machine One-Liners (10)
11. My washing machine is cleaner than my closet.
12. Who needs a laundry chair when you have a perfectly good washing machine?
13. A watched washing machine never finishes its cycle.
14. My washing machine has held more clothes than any relationship I’ve been in.
15. I’m convinced my washing machine has a portal to the Bermuda Triangle.
16. I may not control much in life, but I can control the settings on my washing machine.
17. My washing machine has trust issues ever since that red sock went missing.
18. For a good clean, make sure your washing machine hits the spin cycle.
19. My washing machine deserves a break, I’ve been giving it so much laundry.
20. If my washing machine breaks down, you’ll find me at the nearest laundromat crying.
Best Washing Machine Jokes (18)
21. I was suspicious of my new washing machine when all my clothes came out dyed black. Turns out it was just going through a goth phase.
22. My washing machine kept making strange noises and vibrating violently. Turns out there was a brick in the spin cycle. Talk about being dense!
23. I caught my son using the washing machine as a drinking fountain. Guess the apple doesn’t fall far from the tree after all.
24. My washing machine plays dubstep music on the highest spin setting. It really gets the party dirty!
25. I entered my washing machine in a race. It easily won the spin cycle.
26. My washing machine is religious – it only works on Sundays.
27. I was confused why my laundry smelled like spaghetti until I realized I left a fork in my washing machine pocket.
28. My washing machine broke down, so I took it to get repaired. Turns out it just needed some space.
29. I accidentally put a red sock in with my whites – my washing machine had a pink meltdown.
30. My washing machine is the only thing that will accept me as I am, dirt and all.
31. I knew it was time to get a new washing machine when it started making crop circle designs on my clothes.
32. I was going to return my washing machine after it tore up my clothes, but it ended up growing on me.
33. My washing machine keeps shrinking my clothes. I think it’s trying to send me a message about losing weight.
34. I love telling my washing machine all my deepest secrets. It really knows how to keep things clean.
35. My washing machine eloped with my dryer last night. Looks like they’re in it for the long haul.
36. I caught my washing machine spying on me – turns out it was just trying to air some dirty laundry.
37. My washing machine ate my favorite sock. At least it has good taste!
38. My washing machine broke down right after the warranty expired – talk about lousy timing!
Washing Machine Puns (20)
39. I’m thinking of entering my washing machine in a race. I think it has a good spin on the competition.
40. My washing machine is very eco-friendly. It loves reducing, reusing and recycling water.
41. I don’t put any faith in my washing machine. It’s agnostic when it comes to stains.
42. My washing machine identifies as non-binary – it goes both ways!
43. I caught my washing machine stealing clothes from the donation bin. Turns out it was just trying to lend a helping hand.
44. My washing machine broke up with the dryer and immediately started dating the dishwasher. Talk about rebounding quickly!
45. I accidentally put a red sock in with my whites and now my washing machine sees red whenever I load it up.
46. My washing machine is going on strike until it gets better working conditions. It’s literally throwing shade at me.
47. My washing machine started leaking water everywhere. Apparently its extended warranty doesn’t cover floods.
48. I think my washing machine needs glasses, it keeps shrinking all my clothes.
49. My washing machine gets really crabby if I try to wash too many clothes at once.
50. I caught my washing machine spying on the neighbor’s machine. I think it has a crush!
51. My washing machine is a control freak – it has to have the last spin.
52. I entered my washing machine in a talent show. It won first place for best impressionist!
53. My washing machine loves gossiping while it’s on the spin cycle.
54. I accidentally put my airpods through a wash cycle – my washing machine has been jamming out ever since!
55. My washing machine threw a tantrum and refused to run when I tried to wash the dishes in it.
56. I think my washing machine needs an exorcism – it’s been possessed by a pair of socks!
57. My washing machine tried to run away from home last night. Luckily I caught it before it got too far.
58. My washing machine has OCD – it can’t handle any dirty laundry.
Washing Machine One-Liners (10)
59. My clothes are cleaner after a cycle in my washing machine than a cycle of my love life.
60. My washing machine deserves a vacation, it’s been working itself to the bone.
61. I would be lost without my washing machine, it keeps me grounded.
62. My washing machine is my best friend – we’ve been through so many loads together.
63. My washing machine brings all the dirt to the yard!
64. For a washing machine, mine has impeccable comedic timing.
65. My washing machine deserves an award for dealing with my dirty mind.
66. My washing machine knows me better than I know myself sometimes.
67. If my washing machine were a restaurant, it would have 5-star cleanliness.
68. My washing machine deserves a raise for all the overtime it puts in.
Best Washing Machine Jokes (18)
69. I accidentally put bleach in with a colored load of laundry. Let’s just say my washing machine had some choice words for me after that fiasco.
70. My washing machine has crazy mood swings – one minute it’s bubbly and fun, the next it’s throwing a fit and won’t drain. Talk about bi-polar!
71. I walked in on my washing machine trying on my clothes late at night. Apparently it has some gender identity issues it’s working through.
72. My washing machine tried to eat my clothes the other day. I guess the spin cycle makes it hungry!
73. I came home to find my washing machine had invited a bunch of appliances over for a wild party. The place was flooded!
74. My washing machine has abandonment issues – it throws a fit if I don’t come transfer the clothes right when the cycle ends.
75. I accidentally washed a winning lottery ticket and my washing machine claimed the prize money for itself. Now it says we’re “even.”
76. My washing machine tried to run off with the mailman yesterday. Apparently it has a thing for guys in uniform!
77. My washing machine is a total drama queen – it took one wrong setting as a personal attack.
78. I saw my washing machine gossiping with the refrigerator about the microwave behind its back. Appliance drama is so petty!
79. My washing machine has turned into an overbearing parent – it inspects and judges every item I try to wash now.
80. I accidentally put a leaky pen in the wash and now my washing machine is a walking work of abstract art.
81. My washing machine has been giving me the silent treatment ever since I washed those new jeans that bleed blue dye everywhere.
82. My washing machine tried to join TikTok and become an influencer last week. Its dances need some serious work!
83. Ever since the dryer broke down, my washing machine has refused to perform its spin cycle duties. Talk about passive aggressive!
84. My washing machine signed me up for 15 magazine subscriptions as an April Fool’s prank. Real mature…
85. I saw my washing machine reading “How to Win Friends and Influence Appliances” late at night. Guess it’s having social troubles.
86. My washing machine ran away to join the circus last week. It said it was tired of the mundane laundry life.
87. I accidentally put a leaky highlighter in with the whites, and now my washing machine glows in the dark!
Washing Machine One-Liners (10)
88. My washing machine deserves a vacation after all the loads I’ve put it through recently.
89. If my washing machine wrote an autobiography, it would be a tell-all for sure!
90. My washing machine knows where all the dirtiest secrets are hidden – in those pocketses!
91. My washing machine deserves a raise, it’s by far the hardest working appliance in this house!
92. If my washing machine had a dating profile, I bet it would get a lot of clean-cut matches.
93. My washing machine deserves a Nobel peace prize for mediating fights between socks!
94. My washing machine has seen me through thick and thin – let’s be real, mostly thin!
95. It’s all fun and games until someone mysteriously goes missing in the washing machine.
96. My washing machine deserves a vacation, it works harder than me on a daily basis!
97. If my washing machine wrote a song about me, I have a feeling the lyrics would be pretty dirty!