Umbrella Puns
1. I’m really bad at puns, but I have an umbrell-ability to get better.
2. My friend was bummed when his umbrella broke, but I told him not to get bent out of shape over it.
3. Did you hear about the angry umbrella? It had a bad temper.
4. I wanted to get an umbrella tattoo, but the artist said it would just be a shade.
5. The umbrella thief was eventually caught red-handed and charged with robbery. The judge said it was an open and shut case.
6. I went to return my broken umbrella, but the store had a no refunds policy. What a rip-off!
7. Why don’t eggs need umbrellas? Because they have their own coats!
8. What do you call an umbrella that doesn’t work? A pity it’s broken.
9. Why are umbrellas so pessimistic? Because their outlook is always dreary.
10. Did you hear about the psychic umbrella? It predicted rain.
Umbrella One-Liners
11. My umbrella may have cost an arm and a leg, but at least it keeps me dry!
12. They said the storm would be over quickly, but this umbrella says otherwise.
13. Don’t worry, my umbrella’s got you covered.
14. This umbrella is so flimsy, it’s barely a rain stop.
15. My umbrella keeps flipping inside out – honestly, I’m about to lose it!
16. This tiny umbrella is wholly inadequate for this downpour.
17. I’d grab an umbrella, but I refuse to let this drizzle cramp my style.
18. My umbrella may not keep me dry, but at least it keeps me company.
19. This storm came out of nowhere – so did my umbrella!
20. I’m singing in the rain, although my umbrella is struggling to keep up.
Best Umbrella Jokes
21. Last night during the storm, I had a nightmare that I was hit by a car and went flying into the air. When I woke up, I was relieved it was only a dream, but then I looked over and noticed my umbrella was gone.
22. I was walking down the street in the rain when suddenly, a big gust of wind turned my umbrella inside out. As I struggled to fix it, I heard someone across the street shouting, “Hey! You need to turn your umbrella the other way!” I shouted back, “No, you turn YOUR umbrella the other way!”
23. I was having the worst day – first, I spilled coffee all over myself, then I missed my train, and to top it all off, when I finally got to work, the elevator was broken so I had to walk up 10 flights of stairs in heels. Just when I thought my day couldn’t get any worse, a pigeon pooped on my umbrella as soon as I stepped outside. I give up.
24. Yesterday, I grabbed the umbrella sitting by the front door on my way out. As soon as I opened it outside, a swarm of ants started crawling out from the folds. Turns out my son had put a lollipop stick in there a few days ago. That’s the last time I borrow someone else’s umbrella without checking it first!
25. I was waiting at the bus stop in the rain when a guy came and stood right next to me with his huge golf umbrella. I figured he would hold it over us both, but he just held it over himself, leaving me out in the downpour. I said, “Excuse me sir, but could you please tilt your umbrella this way so we can both stay dry?” He looked at me for a second and then tilted it the other way!
26. After weeks of being cooped up indoors, my wife and I were excited to finally get outside and go for a walk together. Just after leaving the house, it started pouring rain. My wife sighed and said, “Well there goes our romantic walk.” I smiled and pulled out the umbrella I had hidden behind my back. “Not so fast,” I said smoothly. But when I pushed the button to open it, the umbrella just weakly sputtered and flopped around. So much for sweeping romance.
27. I was running late to an important meeting when it started raining heavily. In my rush to get there on time, I grabbed the first umbrella I saw – which happened to have a big hole in it. As I got drenched walking from the train, I made a mental note to actually check my umbrella next time before heading out the door. Lesson learned!