Treadmill Puns
1. I was going to buy a treadmill, but I’m not sure if I should invest in all that running gear.
2. My new year’s resolution was to use my treadmill more. You could say I’m trying to turn over a new belt.
3. I put my treadmill in front of the TV so I can watch shows while I run. You could say I stream and dream.
4. I wanted to bake a treadmill cake for my dad’s birthday, but the design was a bit clunky and didn’t pan out.
5. I entered a contest for best treadmill pun, but none of my entries made the cut.
6. Did you hear about the angry treadmill? It was furious I wasn’t using the right belt for it.
7. I was going to tell a joke about a broken treadmill, but it doesn’t work.
8. Why don’t treadmills ever win races? They only know how to run in place.
9. What do you call a treadmill with no console? A walk only.
10. Why was the treadmill tired when it got home from the gym? It had a long run.
11. What do you call a factory that makes treadmills? A running mill.
12. Why don’t eggs use treadmills? Because they prefer fast food.
13. Did you hear about the criminal treadmill? Apparently it was on the run.
14. Our treadmill is getting quite old. I guess you could say it has a lot of mileage.
15. I wanted to make treadmill jokes, but realized I should just run with it instead.
Treadmill One-Liners
16. My treadmill has seen better runs.
17. Tread lightly when using a treadmill for the first time.
18. Don’t run too fast on a treadmill, or you’ll fall flat on your face.
19. My treadmill manual said “no objects on belt” – guess I won’t be treading grapes anytime soon.
20. Just bought a pre-owned treadmill to replace my old one. Here’s hoping this one doesn’t croak too.
21. Bought my kid a treadmill so he can run off some of that extra energy. So far he hasn’t stepped up to the challenge.
22. My treadmill makes strange noises when I run – maybe it’s just wheezing since I’m out of shape.
23. Treadmill wanted: must be able to handle slow jogging and occasional falls.
24. I keep my treats next to my treadmill so I’m motivated to burn off the calories.
25. My treadmill manual says no liquids near the console. Does that include my sweat?
26. I keep meaning to oil my squeaky treadmill belt, but the noise reminds me I’m still moving.
27. I wanted to name my treadmill Forrest, you know, so I could say “Run, Forrest, run” while using it.28. My treadmill has an emergency stop clip that attaches to my shirt, which comes in handy when I trip.
29. I keep my treadmill on the fastest speed to get my run over with quicker.
30. My treadmill is jealous that I also use the elliptical.
Best Treadmill Jokes
31. I was huffing and puffing as I ran on my new treadmill. After a few minutes, I started feeling lightheaded and dizzy. I guess you could say I wasn’t quite up to speed yet.
32. My wife surprised me by buying a fancy new treadmill with all the bells and whistles. Unfortunately, the first time I tried to use it, I couldn’t figure out how to turn the darn thing on. I guess you could say I’m having some trouble getting my new machine up and running.
33. I recently started a new treadmill training regimen to get in better shape. I set the incline to high and the speed to max. Five minutes in, I was sweating bullets and could hardly breathe. In hindsight, taking it slowly at first would have been a step in the right direction.
34. My treadmill is super advanced with internet connectivity and downloadable videos. Yet every time I step onto it, the belt stops moving. I think it senses my laziness and goes on strike.
35. I was running so intensely on my treadmill the other day that I accidentally put my foot half off the belt. The treadmill flung me and my water bottle across the room like a catapult! My wife thought it was hilarious and said I gave the phrase “hitting the wall” a whole new meaning.
36. I recently bought a fancy treadmill with high-tech virtual reality software that is supposed to make your running experience more immersive. I decided to try it out by virtually running a simulated marathon route through Paris. Halfway through I got so into it that I leaned over to take a photo of the Eiffel Tower… face planting straight into the screen. Who needs Paris when you can tour the floor of your own basement!
37. My wife loves watching Youtube videos as she walks on her new treadmill. The problem is our wifi router is in the next room and the signal doesn’t quite reach. So she’s always stopping the belt, grabbing these giant 50 foot extension cords, stretching and hooking them up from room to room to expand her personal treadmill viewing “range.” Sometimes I trip over the cords and all I can do is shake my head and chuckle.
38. I was running so fast on the treadmill yesterday that I literally fell off the back end of the belt onto the floor. My wife couldn’t stop laughing and said I looked like a confused cartoon character who misses the edge of a cliff and keeps running on air before plunging down. Now every time I hop on, she yells “Roadrunner, watch out for that cliff!”
39. I decided to multi-task the other day by walking on the treadmill with my laptop. It seemed like a good idea until I got really into replying to an email. Next thing I know, I veered off the treadmill belt and smashed my laptop on the side rails! My wife said she could hear the crunch from the other room. Now I have a broken laptop and a lame excuse about why I missed my deadline. I guess the moral is don’t mix business and treadmills!
40. I was really exerting myself on the treadmill yesterday, pumping my arms furiously as I ran. I got so carried away that I accidentally punched myself in the face and fell off the back of the machine. My wife asked me if I was ok and then snorted “looks like the treadmill punched back!” Now I have a black eye and a bruised ego. Just another dayFAIL in my attempt to get ripped.
41. I decided to watch a horror movie on my tablet while walking on the treadmill to make the time pass quicker. Bad idea. I got so freaked out by a jump scare scene that I threw my tablet and tripped, catching my loose shirt in the belt and basically choking myself! By the time my wife got there, I was hanging half off the treadmill looking like I got attacked by a poltergeist. She worries about me going to the gym alone now. I can’t say I blame her!
