Belt Puns
1. I bought a new belt today, but when I got home I realized it was a waist of money.
2. My belt keeps attacking me. It’s very aggressive and keeps lashing out.
3. I was feeling empty inside until I put on my belt. Now I feel whole again.
4. I entered my belt in a MMA fight, but it got disqualified for hitting below the belt.
5. My belt and I got into an argument. It ended up getting heated and we started taking low blows at each other.
6. I’m thinking of trading my leather belt for a bamboo one. I heard they’re more flexible and don’t crack under pressure.
7. I bought a glow in the dark belt yesterday. It was the bright idea that I needed.
8. My belt collection is out of control. I need to rein it in before I run out of notches.
9. I lost 20 pounds recently, so I punched 10 more holes in my belt. Now I can tighten it quite a bit.
10. I was arrested for stealing belts from the store. Luckily, the jury let me off on a technicality thanks to my attorney’s objections.
11. I bought a belt with an extra long buckle just in case my pants sag too low. Don’t want to moon anyone on accident!
12. I entered my old leather belt in a BBQ competition. It got disqualified though for excessive smoking.
13. Had to throw out my belt after the airport security metal detector kept going off. Turns out the buckle wasn’t gold after all.
14. I grabbed the wrong belt this morning and went to work wearing a championship wrestling belt. My coworkers kept challenging me to matches.
15. Got yelled at by my boss for wearing a tool belt to the office. I tried to explain it helps me be more handy, but he wasn’t buying it.
16. Bought a reversible belt so I can coordinate with any outfit. It’s the most stylish and versatile accessory I own!
17. My belt has started leaving the house without me. I think it’s trying to go solo.
18. Had to get a new hole punched in my belt. All that holiday eating was taking its toll. Time to tighten things up.
19. Accidentally grabbed my dog’s leash instead of my belt this morning. It was handy for taking him on a walk after work!
20. Caught my belt cheating on me with another pair of pants. I’m filing for divorce immediately.
Belt One-Liners
21. My new belt is on a power trip and keeps whipping me into shape.
22. Don’t trust a skinny chef or a tight belt.
23. A loose belt is a sign to start dieting.
24. A belt is a strap that goes around your waist to keep your pants up, not bring you down.
25. A belt holds your pants up, but sometimes you have to hold your belt up.
26. They say the belt doesn’t make the man, but it does keep his pants from falling down.
27. A belt is like a bridge between your pants and shirt.
28. A belt is a leash that keeps your pants from running away.
29. Belts: helping men look trim even when they’re not.
30. A belt is a waist of time if your pants fit right.
31. Belts: For when suspenders just won’t cut it.
32. Belts – a sign of commitment to your pants since 1924.
33. A belt holds your pants up, but a good wife holds everything together.
34. They say the camera adds 10 pounds, but a good belt subtracts them.
35. A belt is like a hug that keeps your pants close.
36. Belts: Helping men look better dressed since the Bronze Age.
37. A belt is a band that goes around your waist before going on a bender.
38. Belts aren’t just for holding up your pants – they hold up your confidence too.
39. Better to tighten your belt than to lose your pants.
40. A belt is a waist of prevention worth a pound of falling trousers.
Best Belt Jokes
41. I asked my friend why he was wearing a bicycle belt. He said “It’s driving me nuts!”
42. Did you hear about the belt with low self-esteem? It always felt like it didn’t measure up.
43. Why are karate belts so serious? They practise martial arts.
44. Did you hear about the narcissistic belt? It was completely self-centred.
45. Why was the belt sent to jail? It held someone up!
46. Did you hear about the character belt? It had a lot of personality.
47. Why did the little girl get mad when her dad stole her belt? She wanted to give him a taste of his own medicine.
48. How does a belt get drunk? It goes on a bender.
49. Why are suspenders better than belts? They can hold up more than just your pants.
50. How do you organize a space party? You planet.
51. Did you hear about the astronaut who stepped in gum? He got stuck in orbit.
52. Why was the little alien so sad? He wanted to phone home but didn’t have the right change.
53. Why did the astronaut get fired from his job? He didn’t have the right space training.
54. What do you call an astronaut’s pet? A space cadet.
55. Why did the astronaut bring so much spaghetti on his mission? In space, no one can hear you scream for pasta.
56. How do astronauts take out the trash in space? They launch it into the space dumpster.
57. What do you call an astronaut in denial? An astro-not.
58. Why did the astronaut bring extra socks to space? In case he got cold feet!
59. How do astronauts serve dinner in space? On flying saucers.
60. Where do astronauts leave their spaceships? At parking meteor-ites.
61. Why couldn’t the astronaut book a room on the moon? It was fully booked.
62. Did you hear about the first restaurant to open in space? It had great food but no atmosphere.
63. Why do astronauts use spacesuits? So they have somewhere to hang their space keys.
64. Why did NASA visit the livery? They needed more space for their shuttles.
65. Why don’t astronauts take vacations? They need no breaks from space.
66. How do you organize a space party? You planet.
67. What do you call an astronaut’s pet? A space cadet.
68. Why can’t astronauts tell jokes timing is everything.
69. How do astronauts serve dinner in space? On flying saucers.
70. What do you call an astronaut who stepped in gum? An astro-stuck-nut.
