Today Show Puns
1. I heard the Today Show hosts were going to do a segment on clocks. I guess they wanted to talk about Alarm Clock News.
2. The Today Show studio got a new air conditioning unit installed. I heard it was to keep Matt Lauer nice and Al Roker.
3. Savannah Guthrie was telling a story about her new dog on the Today Show. She said even when he’s tired, he keeps on going and going. Someone said “oh, he has a lot of Today energy!”
4. The Today Show camera crew was filming outside. The sun was so bright the cameraman said “I need to put up an umbrella or I’ll be double Hoda-d today.”
5. Savannah Guthrie was wearing an orange blazer on the Today Show. Carson Daly said “Looking bright and sunny today, Savannah!” and she said “You know it, just channeling my inner Vitamin C!”
6. The Today Show guest chef was making eggs. Al Roker asked “Are you scrambling to get them done in time for the next segment?” The chef said “Yeah, I’m in a bit of a morning rush!”
7. Willie Geist was talking about taking his kids camping over the weekend on the Today Show. He said “We woke up to the Early Today sounds of birds chirping.”
8. There was a power outage at 30 Rockefeller Plaza. The Today Show anchors had to do the show completely in the dark. I guess you could say they were broadcasting Before The Today news that morning.
9. Savannah Guthrie said she stayed up too late binge watching shows last night before the Today Show. Carson Daly told her “It sounds like you had some Late Night with Savannah going on!”
10. Jenna Bush Hager did a segment on making breakfast tacos on the Today Show. She called them “Taco Tuesday…err Wednesday!” since the show is on Wednesday mornings.
Today Show One-Liners
11. Matt Lauer’s interviews are so long they should call him the Tomorrow Show host!
12. Savannah Guthrie brings the sunshine to the Today Show every morning.
13. The Today Show needs to switch to decaf coffee.
14. Al Roker always keeps it cool on the Today Show.
15. Carson Daly must have the best morning alarm clock routine to get ready for the Today Show at 4am.
16. Willie Geist grinning on the Today Show brightens up any morning.
17. I don’t drink coffee in the mornings, I just turn on the Today Show to get energized.
18. The Today Show anchors have mastered the art of very early mornings.
19. Jenna Bush Hager has seen more White House mornings than Today Show ones.
20. Savannah Guthrie and Hoda Kotb are my ultimate morning powers duo.
Best Today Show Jokes
21. Last night Savannah Guthrie was busy reading the news on NBC Nightly News, but this morning she had to rush back to the Today Show studio at 30 Rock to deliver the “news” that banana bread is the latest quarantine baking trend.
22. The Today Show had President Biden on for an interview recently. They were excited to finally have a President on the show awake enough in the morning to form coherent thoughts and sentences.
23. Al Roker did a segment on exercising in the morning. He said “The best way to make sure you exercise first thing is to set multiple loud alarms, chug some pre-workout, and picture having to talk about the weather inconsequentially for hours on end.”
24. Jenna Bush Hager shared tips for making mornings easier with kids. She said “Have someone else get up with them, get them dressed and feed them breakfast…but make sure cameras are there to document you looking lovingly at your children for a few minutes when you’re done with hair and makeup.”
25. Willie Geist said the secret to getting energized in the early mornings is having an IV drip of caffeine plugged into him at all times off-camera. He just has to be careful not to get over-caffeinated and start reporting the news at 3x speed.
26. The Today Show anchors were discussing who has the best morning routine. Savannah Guthrie said she’s up at 3am scrolling through the New York Times. Meanwhile, Hoda Kotb wakes up at 2am for her morning martini. Carson Daly gets dropped off by his parents at 30 Rock after his bedtime at 8pm.
27. This morning on the Today Show, Al Roker gave a special shoutout to all the dads waking up early with their kids. Cut to Carson Daly fast asleep in his NBC dressing room until his alarm goes off right before air time.
28. Savannah Guthrie did a segment on setting New Year’s resolutions. She recommended trying easy ones like “drink more coffee” and “get better at reading a teleprompter through blurry contacts at 5am.”
29. The Today Show had Dr. Oz on to give advice for making mornings less stressful. He suggested waking up one minute before your alarm each day, so you’re not shocked when it goes off. The anchors laughed hysterically at the idea of voluntarily waking up earlier.
30. Matt Lauer recently called in to give the Today Show anchors advice for staying energized and mentally sharp in the mornings. Al Roker pretended the video call froze and cut him off after the first tip.
31. Savannah Guthrie and Hoda Kotb played a game asking each other random questions on the Today Show. Savannah asked Hoda “What’s your favorite thing about mornings?” Hoda said “Wine!” and chugged her coffee mug full of chardonnay.
32. The Today Show did a “best jobs for morning people” segment. Jobs like baker, barista, and TV anchor made the list. Carson Daly asked why his side gig as an Insomnia Cookies taste tester at 3am didn’t make the cut.
33. Jenna Bush Hager shared her tips for making the most of mornings: wake up 10 minutes before your kids and pretend you’ve been up for hours, drink a gallon of coffee while getting ready, and practice your best camera-ready smile in the car.
34. Savannah Guthrie said the Today Show has made her an expert on what happens early in the morning. For example, did you know that’s when the sun rises, people wake up, and the local news comes on TV after Late Night with Seth Meyers?
35. The Today Show anchors debated who is most cheerful and energetic in the mornings. Al Roker pointed out Willie Geist is so perky before dawn, they have to remind him the rest of America is still half asleep and grumpy.
36. Carson Daly showed off his morning routine: chug espresso, scroll Twitter for content, get dressed in a dark closet to avoid sunlight, and practice his intro line “From 30 Rockefeller Plaza in New York, this is Today!”
37. Savannah Guthrie said she starts prepping for the Today Show around midnight, but Hoda doesn’t get off work from hosting Sunday Night Football until past 11pm. Hoda said she just takes a power nap in the ride from the stadium to 30 Rock.
38. According to Al Roker’s Fitbit, he takes 20,000 steps every morning back and forth across the Today Show plaza filming segments and delivering weather updates.
39. Jenna Bush Hager gave tips for making school morning drop-offs easier: have your husband do them while you drink coffee, then recap the cute moment on air for millions of viewers.
40. After the Today Show, Savannah Guthrie and Hoda Kotb immediately take naptime, Al Roker goes back to sleep, and Carson Daly heads to a dark bar for beers. Willie Geist is the only one who stays awake and perky.
41. Savannah Guthrie said the best part of morning TV is getting to drink wine before 10am and pretend it’s just grape juice on camera. Hoda Kotb strongly agreed.
42. Al Roker did a Today Show segment on rising early for exercise. He said the key is going to bed at 6pm, setting 30 alarms, and having an IV caffeine drip like the anchors do.
43. Jenna Bush Hager taught a “Sunday Morning” class on the Today Show plaza, wearing pajamas and drinking mimosas. Topics covered were staying in bed until noon, reading the paper leisurely, and watching TV news anchors who seem annoyingly chipper.
44. Willie Geist said he’s been getting up at 3am for so long that he can do the whole Today Show half asleep with his eyes closed. His secret is sticking a piece of cardboard with a smile painted on it in front of the camera.
45. For a “Best Morning Routines” piece, Carson Daly revealed he’s up at 3:30am scrolling TikTok in bed for content, showers in ice cold water to wake himself up, and wears two pairs of sunglasses indoors to deal with all the bright lights.
46. On Take Your Kid to Work Day, Savannah Guthrie asked her daughter if she also wants to be a TV anchor. Her daughter said, “No thanks, being on live TV at 7am seems like torture!”
47. Al Roker said he handles early mornings on little sleep thanks to his special “vitamin” supplements. The camera zoomed in on several empty Red Bull cans in his dressing room recycling bin.
48. Jenna Bush Hager taught Today Show viewers how to fake being a morning person: shower at night so you can sleep later, have someone else make your coffee, and yell at your family to tiptoe around before sunrise.
49. Hoda Kotb’s idea for a new Today Show segment is “Drinking Wine Live at 7am!” where the anchors sample and rate various wines to start their mornings. Savannah Guthrie said she’d join Hoda as long as they called it “Sensible Adult Grape Juice Break” instead.
50. The Today Show anchors listed the best things about early mornings: seeing the sunrise, no traffic, enjoying coffee in peace and quiet. Just then, Savannah’s kids started screaming off camera and Carson said “What was that about peace and quiet again?”
51. Al Roker said his friends always make fun of him for going to bed at 8pm every night. But he just reminds them that when they’re still sleeping at 4am, he’s already been working for hours on the Today Show.
52. Jenna Bush Hager demonstrated her morning routine: wake up 10 minutes before the kids and yell “I’ve been up for hours!” when they walk in her room, chug cold brew coffee while scrolling her phone, and hurry the kids along so she can get back to relaxing.
53. Savannah Guthrie said she achieves her bright-eyed Today Show look with the help of 10 different kinds of concealer, eye drops, brow gel and more makeup products than you can count. Up at 3am is not her friend!
54. Al Roker showed off some morning exercises you can do from home: run in place while you brew coffee, do arm circles while yelling at your family to hurry up, and stretch your fake smile muscles in the mirror.
55. Jenna Bush Hager taught Today Show viewers how to make mornings easier with kids: sleep in your makeup so you look camera-ready, have an indoor voice and outdoor voice, and use the drive to work to drink coffee and scream.
56. Savannah Guthrie said she handles early mornings thanks to having a glam team do her hair and makeup at 4am while she naps in the makeup chair. Carson Daly just rolls out of bed into his chair seconds before air time.
57. Al Roker did a Today Show segment on “relationships between morning and night people.” His advice for couples with opposite sleep schedules is to get two beds, two coffee machines, and say your goodbyes before 10pm.
58. Jenna Bush Hager shared a recipe for 3-ingredient morning mimosas: champagne, orange juice, and drowsiness from being forced out of bed at an ungodly hour by young children.
59. Willie Geist said he’s so alert in the mornings that the Today Show crew uses him to test studio lights. If Willie’s constantly smiling face doesn’t squint under the brightness, they know it’s set properly for TV.
60. This morning on the Today Show, Savannah Guthrie seemed extra cheerful. When asked why, she said, “They added an extra espresso shot to my coffee!” The rest of the groggy anchors looked jealous.
61. Al Roker did a morning workout segment jumping around the Today Show plaza. Savannah Guthrie said, “Doesn’t he have the same amount of energy at 5am as the rest of us do at 5pm?”
62. Jenna Bush Hager taught Today Show viewers how to “fake it ’til you make it” as morning people: shower the night before, prep coffee and breakfast for the whole family the night before, and don’t forget to yell “Rise and shine!” when your alarm goes off whether you feel like it or not!
63. Savannah Guthrie said she saves her best dress and makeup for the Today Show at 7am, then wears pajamas and no makeup at home in the evenings. She said getting glam for the early morning broadcasts is the hardest part of her job!
64. Al Roker did a morning meditation segment on Today, but kept getting distracted and checking his watch to make sure he wouldn’t be late for his next weather report.
65. Jenna Bush Hager talked about her tips for school morning madness: have dad or the nanny handle everything while you get ready, make your lunch the night before, and buy the teacher extra caffeinated gifts.
66. Carson Daly showed up late to the Today Show with Starbucks, wearing sunglasses and pajamas. He said, “It’s too early and sunny out there, so I’m doing the show as an internet radio DJ today!”
67. Willie Geist said the Today Show team likes to play a game called “Is Willie Awake?” where they wave their hands in front of his face during commercial breaks to double check he hasn’t fallen back asleep.
68. When the Today Show anchors were asked the secret to looking so cheery at 7am, Savannah said “caffeine IV drip” and Al said “remembering I can nap during commercial breaks.”
69. Jenna Bush Hager taught Today viewers how to handle school morning mayhem: shower at night, prep backpacks and clothes the night before, and have someone else do school drop-off while you sip coffee.
70. At the end of the Today Show, Savannah Guthrie yelled “Power down!” and all the anchors immediately collapsed asleep in their chairs once cameras stopped rolling.
71. Al Roker said waking up extra early for the Today Show ruined his social life. All his friends are finally going to bed as he’s waking up to head to work!
72. Jenna Bush Hager ended the Today Show with tips for making mornings easier: shower the night before, set the coffee maker on a timer, and remember the magic words “back to bed!” after dropping kids at school.
73. Willie Geist admitted he wears an earpiece during the Today Show playing energizing music to help keep him from falling back asleep on camera. Upbeat tempo works best!