66 Funny Tape Jokes

Tape Puns (20)

1. What do you call tape that doesn’t stick well? Sub-standard adhesive!
2. Why can’t tape be vain? It’s always stuck on itself!
3. My friend got trapped inside a tape factory. He said it was inescapable confinement.
4. I entered my tape measure in a marathon. It unraveled after 26 miles.
5. Want to hear a joke about tape? Just stick around.
6. Did you hear about the sticky tape that was no longer sticky? It lost its adhesion.
7. I was hoping to buy some European tape but apparently it’s Metric.
8. Why don’t tapes tell secrets? They like to keep things on the down-low.
9. What do you call a measuring tape that retired from its job? An ex-ruler!
10. My tape measure is very outgoing and loves meeting new people. You could say it has great extensionality.
11. What do you call a snake that works in a tape factory? A boa con-sticker!
12. What do you call a documentary about the invention of tape? Scotch history!
13. Want to hear my cassette tape collection? It’s not very impressive, only a few recordings.
14. I ordered a new tape dispenser but it hasn’t arrived. I’m stuck without it!
15. I entered a competition for who could eat the most tape. It ended in a draw.
16. What do you call an adhesive that’s about to quit its job? Scotch Tape with resignation!
17. I tried to organize a support group for addicted tape dispensers, but no one would stick to the program.
18. Did you hear about the sticky tape that married its coworker? Their bond will never tear apart!
19. What do you call a lazy tape dispenser? A rip-off!
20. I’d tell you a joke about duct tape, but it would probably stick with you.

Tape One-Liners (20)

21. I ordered white tape on Amazon but when it arrived, it was transparent – what a rip off!
22. My friend got a job testing adhesive bandages, it has its ups and downs but overall seems pretty stuck together.
23. Don’t use that tape – it causes dermatitis! Um, I think you mean adhesive issues.
24. I used to have a job applying duct tape, it had its sticky points but I’m not bonded to it forever.
25. Auditioning dancers for my new music video “Tear the Tape” – it’s going to be a big rip off!
26. I bought a lifetime supply of tape. It came in a small box that said “Congratulations on your new baby.”
27. Always believe in the power of tape – it has an unbelievable binding capacity.
28. Just invented a new kind of tape that sticks to anything – I call it Stuck Tape!
29. Couldn’t wrap my friend’s gift so I just taped a bow on top. Pulled it off beautifully.
30. Never ask tape how it’s doing – it will just say “Stuck here, feeling stretched thin, wish I could rewind.”
31. Just call me the Taperator because no tape can defeat me.
32. Tape companies hate this one simple trick: peeling it off slowly.
33. Had to fire my assistant for stealing tape from the supply shelves. Guess he got caught red-handed.
34. Just got a PhD in tape studies, specializing in adhesive formulations. You could call me a sticker for details!
35. Trust me, working at a tape factory is not all it’s stuck up to be!
36. Bought stock in a promising new tape startup. Hoping they get bonded to a wealthy parent company!
37. Friend zoning is like when you try to stick tape to something but it just won’t adhere.
38. Got greedy on tape stocks and it cost me – that’ll tear me apart.
39. I identify as double-sided tape – ready to stick to anything that comes my way!

Best Tape Jokes (26)

41. My friend got a job as a quality tester at a duct tape company. He would spend all day sticking tape to different surfaces and rating how sticky it was. He did this for weeks, meticulously testing tape on wood, metal, glass, and plastic. His boss was so impressed that he offered my friend a promotion. “I want you to be head of the duct tape quality control department,” his boss said. My friend hesitated. “I’m honored,” he said, “but I’ll need some time to think about whether I want to commit the rest of my career to sticking duct tape to things.”
42. I was feeling down so I went to the hardware store to buy some masking tape to cheer myself up. The cashier said, “that’ll just be a quick fix.” I replied, “actually it’s Scotch tape.”
43. An electrician was working on wiring up a new home when he ran out of electrical tape. He asked his apprentice to run out and buy more tape from the hardware store. An hour later, the apprentice still hadn’t returned. Finally the electrician’s cell phone rings – it’s his apprentice. “Sorry boss, I can’t find the tape! I’m just wandering the aisles aimlessly looking for electrical tape!” The electrician replied, “that’s ok, I know it can be hard to find. Just make sure to check the conductor and resistor aisles.”
44. I recently watched a documentary on how adhesive bandages are made. It was absolutely riveting!
45. What does the frustrated tape dispenser say when it can’t get the tape to peel off the roll? “Tear it!”
46. Why can’t you tell a secret on a farm? Because the corn has ears and the potatoes have eyes!
47. Did you hear about the scientist who accidentally sat on his roll of duct tape? He’s currently conducting research on adhesive mechanics.
48. I entered the annual duct tape competition last year but struggled to place. “Don’t feel bad,” my friend consoled me, “it’s a really sticky situation for most people.”
49. Why don’t presidents tell jokes about duct tape? Because it would set a poor example about getting too stuck on things!
50. Working at the tape factory was mundane but bonding.
51. What do Alexander the Great and packing tape have in common? They both cut the Gordian knot!
52. I recently became an ordained minister so I could officiate a wedding for two rolls of tape. I pronounced them husband and wife and told them they may now peel the bride!
53. Two tape dispensers walk into a bar. The first one says, “the drinks are on me tonight!”
54. I accidentally brought my police tape to work instead of my packing tape. I had to tell everyone it was an extreme office prank and they believed me! My boss even said “Good one Johnson!”
55. What did the frustrated sticky note say to the roll of tape? I’m really stuck on you!
56. I entered a competition to make prom dresses and tuxes solely using different types of tape…let’s just say it ended up being quite the sticky situation on the dance floor!
57. What do you call a mummy covered in duct tape? A well-bound figure!
58. I recently watched a horror movie about a haunted roll of duct tape. It was surprisingly scary and really stuck with me.
59. Did you hear duct tape company stocks are up 1000%? Investors say the future looks very sticky!
60. Why can’t you borrow money from a roll of tape? Because it will always stick to its principles.
61. What do you call a knight made entirely of silver duct tape? The Lord of the Sticky Rings!
62. My friend got injured trying to steal industrial rolls of tape from a warehouse. He said it was a sticky situation but I told him “You’ve made your tape, now lie in it!”
63. What do Alexander the Great and packing tape have in common? They both were able cut the Gordian knot!
64. I accidentally brought my police tape to work instead of my packing tape. My boss said “Good one Johnson!” when I claimed it was just an office prank!
65. Why don’t celebrities make duct tape commercials? It would just give them one more thing to get stuck up about!
66. Working at the adhesive bandage testing facility has its ups and downs, but there’s a certain stick-to-it-iveness I enjoy.
67. What do you call a mummy entirely wrapped in duct tape? A well-bound figure!
68. What’s the best way to remove stubborn duct tape residue? Just rip it off quickly in one go. Trust me, it’s a clean break!