Superman Puns
- What do you call a fight between Superman and Batman? A Super Smackdown!
- Why does Superman get invited to all the best parties? Because he’s a Super-man about town!
- How does Superman like his steak cooked? Just super, thanks.
- What did Superman say when he got kicked out of the restaurant? “Well, that’s just super rude!”
- Did you hear about Superman’s bad gas problem? They say it’s super, man.
- Why does Superman make a great journalist? Because he has super vision and super hearing!
- What do you call it when Superman skips church? Missing super mass.
- Why does Superman look so sleepy on Mondays? Because like everyone else, he had a super lazy weekend.
- Why can’t Superman make a career switch to be a chef? Because he can only cook super fast, not gourmet.
- How does Superman organize his laundry? He separates the super whites from the colors.
Superman One-Liners
- I bet Superman could throw a meanFastball—just make sure you catch it fast or it might circle to globe to get you from behind!
- Superman is so strong he probably has to be really gentle every time he…you know what, never mind.
- Hey Superman, nice underwear. Do they also make them for men?
- I heard Superman failed math in school. I guess he had a hard time with his Krypton-ite.
- Superman is the man of steel, so does that make Lois Lane the woman of Kleenex?
- They say Superman can leap tall buildings in a single bound. So could I with a jetpack.
- I’d hate to see Superman’s phone bill with all those long distance calls back to Krypton.
- Superman is so wholesomely American, he probably sweats high fructose corn syrup.
- So Superman is from Krypton, huh? No wonder he’s in the closet all the time.
- I bet Superman gets really stressed out trying to decide between boxers and briefs every day.
Best Superman Jokes
One New Year’s Eve, Superman was getting ready to go to his big party when he realized his super suit had a tear in it from battling Lex Luthor earlier. “Oh no!” he exclaimed. “I can’t show up with a ripped suit!” Luckily, Superman has superspeed and can sew up a tear in no time. As he dashed around his Fortress of Solitude at lightning speed to get changed, he pricked his finger on the needle. “Ouch!” he yelped, sucking his finger. It seems even Superman isn’t immune to a speed sewing injury. But with a bandaid on his finger and a mended suit, Superman made it to the party fashionably late as usual. As expected, it was a super fun time ringing in the New Year with friends!
Superman was excited to stand up as the best man at his best buddy Jimmy Olsen’s wedding. Right before the bouquet toss, he told Jimmy’s bride “I’ll make sure to catch that bouquet for you!” She just rolled her eyes and said “Oh Superman, you don’t have to do that!” But sure enough, as soon as she threw her bouquet into the crowd of eager bridesmaids, Superman zoomed up and easily grabbed the flowers out of the air. All the bridesmaids frowned as Superman presented the bouquet to Jimmy’s new wife with a smile. “Told you I’d catch it!” he said with a wink. I guess that’s one advantage of having a super-powered best man at your wedding!
One day, Superman decided to be environmentally friendly and take the bus instead of flying or driving. At the bus stop, when the bus pulled up and opened its doors, Superman grabbed the handle and accidentally tore the doors right off! “Oh no, not again!” Superman exclaimed as the startled bus driver stared in shock. Ever since then, Superman has avoided public transportation out of fear that his super strength will inevitably destroy the doors. He even thought about disguising himself as Clark Kent to take the bus incognito, but he realized Clark ripping off the doors would raise just as many questions. From now on, it’s flying or walking only for the Man of Steel. Who knew public transit could be such a challenge, even for a superhero?
The Metropolis police chief was at his wit’s end trying to find a missing child so he decided to ask Superman for help. “Don’t worry chief, I’ll find him using my supervision!” Superman exclaimed confidently. The chief looked puzzled until Superman explained “You know, supervision…because I have super vision!” The chief laughed and said “Oh, I get it! Good one, Superman.” Within minutes, Superman located the child using his unique supervision powers. Now the Metropolis police always reach out to Superman whenever they need help finding missing persons. His supervision skills are really super!
Most people assume Superman can just fly anywhere instantly. But it turns out even Superman has to look both ways and cross the street properly sometimes! People on the sidewalks of Metropolis are always startled when they see the Man of Steel himself waiting patiently at crosswalks for the walk signal along with everyone else. He tends to cross the street the most when walking to work at the Daily Planet building as mild-mannered reporter Clark Kent. Superman says road safety is just as important as fighting crime! Though if cars come when he’s crossing, they tend to smash against his body harmlessly.
One day, Lois Lane visited Superman’s Fortress of Solitude while he was doing laundry. She was surprised to see two large piles of clothes as he zoomed around folding at superspeed. When she asked about the piles, Superman explained “Oh, I have to separate the super whites from the colors before washing. My costumes are fine in hot water but my Clark Kent shirts would fade!” Lois then noticed a third smaller pile of darks and commented “What about those?” Superman chuckled and said “Oh that’s my pile of superdarks!” Who knew even the Man of Steel has to sort his super laundry?
When Superman first came to Earth, he was excited to visit an amusement park and ride a rollercoaster for the first time. But when the ride started, he quickly realized it felt like a Sunday drive to him rather than an exciting thrill ride. As the rollercoaster slowly went through its loops and turns, Superman sat there bored, not even feeling the wind on his face at the “high speeds.” Now Superman avoids rollercoasters entirely, not wanting to embarrass himself by falling asleep during the ride like last time! Even the tallest, fastest rollercoasters on Earth are no thrill for the Man of Steel.
When Superman joined a fantasy football league with some fellow superheroes one season, they all noticed he kept drafting players like SuperCam Newton and SuperFrank Gore. When questioned about his strategy, Superman said “What? I’m picking all the super players!” The other heroes had to explain that “super” was just part of those players’ names. Superman was so embarrassed by his mistake that he decided to quit the league entirely. Now he just sticks to occasionally tossing a football around the park for fun instead. Leave the fantasy football to the real football experts!
Most people don’t realize that even Superman needs the occasional trim and haircut. When Superman lets his hair go too long, he starts to look more like Superboy with an awkward shaggy do. So he’ll swing by his local Supercuts barbershop incognito and ask for “just a little off the top please.” The stylists are always puzzled by how impenetrable Superman’s hair is to their scissors and clippers. But somehow they get the job done well enough even if their tools get a bit dulled. Superman always tips them generously for going above and beyond on his super hair.
Most people know Superman’s biggest weakness is kryptonite. What they don’t know is that keyboard keys are actually made from a synthetic kryptonite-like compound. Whenever Superman has to type something, he starts feeling weak and disoriented from the kryptonite radiation given off by the keys! He makes lots of typos and accidentally breaks keyboards with his super strength when he gets frustrated. Superman tries to avoid typing at all costs, but it’s hard given how often he has to submit Clark Kent’s newspaper articles on deadline. His editor at the Daily Planet is always wondering why Clark’s articles are riddled with typos and missing keys from his smashed keyboards. I guess even superheroes have their annoyances at the office!
You’d think that with Superman’s super senses, he’d be able to stay up to date on world events just by listening or looking around with his powers. But Superman loves reading his local newspaper every morning over coffee like any other person. As Clark Kent, he gets a subscription to The Daily Planet delivered right to his apartment doorstep each day. Superman says reading the newspaper helps him feel more connected to the community he loves and protects. The Daily Planet reporters Lois Lane and Jimmy Olson are always thrilled when Superman compliments their latest articles too! So while he could get by just fine without it, the newspaper reading routine helps keep Superman grounded.
Whenever Superman visits amusement parks for fun, he tends to steer clear of the rides. He quickly learned that the safety bars intended to secure riders tightly in place just get smashed to pieces in his hands. And the shoulder straps end up torn open by his strength if he’s not extremely careful. After one embarrassing incident where Superman accidentally floated up out of his seat on a ride, he decided it was too risky for him to go on any rides where strong restraints are necessary. Now he happily sticks to fun house mirrors and carnival games when spending a day at the amusement park. It’s better for everyone’s safety that way!
Most people assume Superman can move without making a sound since he’s so fast and stealthy. But because of his super strength and weight, his footsteps actually shake the ground like thunder whenever he walks! Superman startles birds into flying away for blocks whenever he goes out for a stroll. And criminals can hear him coming a mile away, even when he’s trying to sneak quietly to catch them by surprise. Superman has tried everything from fluffy slippers to giant pillow shoes duct-taped to his feet. But nothing can fully muffle the booming super steps of the Man of Steel!
After particularly grueling battles with villains like Lex Luthor, Superman needs to unwind and relax his muscles. While a hot bath sounds soothing, regular hot water just doesn’t cut it for the Man of Steel. Instead, Superman will fly to an active volcano and take a nice long soak in a steaming pool of lava! As he soaks, the lava bubbles gently around him, smoothing out all his aches and pains. Though he does have to scrub out some stubborn lava stains from his costume afterwards! A super lava bath really hits the spot after a hard day’s work.
You’d think it would be impossible for one person to keep such a large Fortress of Solitude clean and tidy. But Superman has a secret weapon – his powerful hurricane super breath! When it’s time for chores, he flies around breathing powerfully to send debris flying in neat piles. And any super heavy furniture gets gently nudged into place by just a puff of air from Superman’s super lungs. Dust is no match for Superman’s gale winds either. He just opens the windows and blows everything fresh and clean! Sure beats lugging out a bulky vacuum cleaner when you have super breath on your side.
When Clark Kent was a teenager, he tried to earn some cash working part-time at the circus as a juggler. But he quickly realized juggling was tougher than it looked, even with a little super strength and speed. The balls kept bonking him in the head or flying wildly off target as he tried to get the rhythm right. The circus ringleader eventually had to fire him because the flying juggling balls were accidentally smashing the audience’s concession snacks too frequently. Clark apologized for not being super at juggling and went back to his journalism studies, leaving the circus performing to the professionals. Sometimes even Superman can’t master a new skill instantly!
You’d think Superman could paraglide effortlessly through the sky – but his billowing super cape makes the sport next to impossible! As he tried to launch off a hill one windy afternoon, Superman’s cape got tangled in the parachute chords and he face-planted right into the grass. On his next attempt, he barely got airborne before his cape wrapped itself around the suspension lines, sending him spinning wildly out of control. After several equally disastrous tries, Superman finally gave up paragliding as too risky. “Guess I’ll just stick to hanging gliding from now on when I want an airborne thrill!” he sighed in defeat. Look out for that cape, Superman!
Superman loves going bowling and spending time with friends unwinding at the lanes. But his super strength became a major bowling ball hazard. His powerful throws sent the balls smashing right through the pins and bowling lane machines at lightning speeds. Alleys even had to install heavy metal gates to stop the balls from shooting out the building after Superman bowled! The final straw was when Superman’s fingers created tiny heat ray holes all over the custom bowling balls that his league team had ordered. Now Superman sticks to less destructive games like billiards and darts when hanging out with the Justice League after hours.
One day, Superman was strolling down a busy Metropolis street when his super senses detected a faint whiff of kryptonite coming from somewhere nearby. Worried, he decided to get away fast by crossing to the other side of the road. But as soon as he stepped off the curb, a bus came careening around the corner headed straight for him! Superman braced for impact but the bus crumbled against his invulnerable body, leaving him unharmed but very annoyed. “Seriously?!” Superman grumbled, brushing bus debris off his costume before continuing across the street away from the kryptonite smell. Now he knows to look both ways first, even when crossing the street in a hurry to avoid his weaknesses!