Star Puns
1. I’m not an astronomer, but I can tell Uranus looks bright tonight.
2. What do you call an astronaut’s underwear? An astro-nauti-cal!
3. Why was the astronomer always complaining? He just wanted some space.
4. My friend got fired from his job at the planetarium. His boss said he wasn’t cut out for the star system.
5. I entered my dog in an astronomy contest but he didn’t win. I guess he’s just not a constellation prize.
6. I was going to tell a joke about the sun, but it would be too hot to handle.
7. Did you hear about the restaurant on the moon? Great food, no atmosphere.
8. What do you call an astronaut who steps in gum? A Space Cadet stuck in a sticky situation.
9. Why don’t asteroids take showers? They just meteor.
10. I bought a star for my girlfriend, but she just gave it back. She said it wasn’t carat enough.
11. What did the astronomer say to the moon? I need a little space.
12. I entered my dog into an astronomy contest, but it turns out he’s just not a constellation prize.
13. I was going to tell a joke about the sun, but it’s too hot to handle.
14. Why don’t planets like fast food? They prefer orbits.
15. Did you hear about the restaurant on the moon? Great food, no atmosphere.
16. What kind of snacks do astronauts eat? Launch munchies.
Star One-Liners
17. The stars spell out a message for you tonight: Get some sleep!
18. I’m no astronomer, but I’m pretty sure that’s Uranus.
19. I wish I were a star so I could be way out of your league.
20. The stars say that you should really clean your room today.
21. Orion’s Belt is a huge waist of space.
22. I’m not an astronomer, but I know a heavenly body when I see one.
23. Trust me, I’m an astrologer.
24. I don’t do astrology, I’m an Aries and we’re skeptical.
25. I was going to tell a shooting star joke, but it went right over your head.
26. Hey baby, are you made of dark matter? Because you’re incomprehensible and all over me.
27. Is your name Constellation? Because I’ve been thinking about Ursa Major.
28. My love for you is like a dwarf planet – it may not be considered a real planet, but it exists nonetheless.
29. Are you from space? Because your beauty is astronomical!
30. Hey baby, want to go back to my place and orbit each other’s personal space?
Best Star Jokes
31. Two astronauts were sitting on the moon one day. The first astronaut said, “I bet you $5 I can jump higher than you on the moon’s lower gravity.” The second astronaut replied, “You’re on!” The first astronaut jumped up nearly 100 feet in the air. Not to be outdone, the second astronaut jumped and went sailing off into space. He floated for a minute before returning to the surface. The first astronaut looked at him puzzled and said “You lost the bet, why did you do that?” The second astronaut replied, “I wanted to win the bet, but I miscalculated the mass of the moon.”
32. One day on Venus, a solar storm caused widespread interference with communications. Frustrated, a Venusian said to his friend “This stupid storm is disrupting all our conversations! I wish we didn’t rely so much on our phones and technology!” The friend replied calmly “Don’t worry, the Sun will come out tomorrow.”
33. An astronomer, a physicist, and a mathematician were on a train heading north, when they saw a black sheep in a field.
“How interesting,” remarked the astronomer, “sheep in Scotland are black!”
“No, no,” said the physicist, “some Scottish sheep are black.”
The mathematician rolled his eyes at his companions’ lack of rigor, and stated: “In Scotland, there exists at least one field, containing at least one sheep, of which at least one side is black.”
34. A rocket scientist was trying to explain orbits to his 5 year old daughter. “The earth is moving really fast, while at the same time going around the sun. And the moon is going around the earth really fast while the earth spins and goes around the sun. It’s called an orbit.” His daughter thought for a second and replied, “Yeah, everyone thought Pluto was a planet until one day they were just like, psych, it’s not.”
35. What do you call an astronaut who’s afraid of heights? An astro-not.
36. Where do astronauts leave their spaceships? At parking meteors.
37. Why don’t aliens eat clowns? They taste funny.
38. How do you organize an outer space party? You planet.
39. Why did Mickey Mouse go to outer space? He wanted to find Pluto!
40. How do aliens breeze through school? They take meteor classes!
41. Why did the astronaut break up with his girlfriend? He needed his space.
42. How do you cut the ocean in half? With a sea-saw.
43. I entered my dog into an astronomy contest but it turns out he’s just not a constellation prize.
44. What kind of shorts do clouds wear? Thunderwear!
45. I was wondering why the frisbee kept getting bigger and bigger, but then it hit me.
46. Why don’t eggs tell jokes? They’d crack each other up.
47. I’m reading a book on the history of glue. I just can’t seem to put it down.
