I bought a sofa that turns into a bed. It’s very convenient for when guests stay over. You could say it’s a sleeper sofa.
My new sofa came with cup holders and built-in speakers. You could say it’s a sofa with all the fix-ins.
I spilled juice on my fabric sofa. Now it’s a sofa juice stain.
My sofa broke when I sat on it. I guess you could say it’s not very sofa-sticated.
I bought a pink sofa with hearts all over it. You could say it’s very sofa cute.
I got a sofa from the clearance section. It was definitely a sofa steal.
My grandson keeps jumping on the sofa. I keep telling him to sofa it.
We got a new sofa. The cat has claimed it as her own. I guess you could say it’s a sofa purr-niture now.
I found an old sofa on the side of the road. I cleaned it up and now it looks brand new. You could say it had a sofa makeover.
I love cuddling with my wife on the sofa. You could say it brings us sofa closer together.
We reupholstered our sofa with a quirky fabric. Now it really reflects our sofa-cial personality.
I bought an extra long sofa for my tall family. You could say it’s sofa, so good.
Sofa One-Liners (14)
My new sofa is so uncomfortable, it feels like I’m sitting on a bed of nails.
I spilled red wine on my cream sofa – talk about a cardinal sin!
Don’t bother looking for the TV remote…the couch ate it.
This sofa is so old, I think Abraham Lincoln may have sat on it.
Sofa king awesome!
I love my sofa so much I want to marry it!
This sofa is like a hug that doesn’t let go.
My sofa and I have been together so long, we have become arm rests.
I swear my sofa gets more action than I do!
I farted on the sofa and my dog left the room. Rude!
We call our new sofa the Relationship Ender because no one can agree on it.
I just vacuumed under the sofa – look what the cat dragged in!
I could have sworn this sofa used to be longer.
This sofa makes me want to take a nap, immediately.
Best Sofa Jokes (17)
I just got a new sofa delivered yesterday. The delivery guys brought it into my apartment and started unpacking it. As soon as they cut open the plastic wrapping, my cat jumped right into the empty sofa frame and made herself at home. The delivery guys thought it was hilarious. “Well, looks like this sofa already has an owner!” they joked. My cat nestled down into the bare cushions, perfectly content. I knew right then this sofa was going to be her new favorite napping spot.
My husband and I went sofa shopping last weekend. We walked into the furniture showroom and started testing them out. My husband plopped down on the first sofa we saw and immediately a loud, long fart came out of the cushions. We totally cracked up. An embarrassed salesperson rushed over, apologizing profusely, insisting the floor model sofas make that sound all the time. As soon as he hurried away my husband sheepishly admitted THAT fart was all him! Now I make him try out sofas first before I sit down!
I was visiting my elderly Aunt Betsy. I walked into her living room and did a double take – she had covered her floral sofa in a giant plastic rain poncho! When I asked about it she explained, “Oh yes, this keeps the sofa nice and clean. I don’t want to ruin it!” I didn’t have the heart to tell her plastic couch covers went out of style decades ago. She seemed perfectly happy with her rain poncho sofa while she served me tea and biscuits.
Last night my wife and I were watching TV on the sofa when we heard a loud CRUNCH. We pulled up the cushions to find our missing TV remote completely crushed. Our best guess – one of us mindlessly sat on the remote while snacking and watching reality TV. Even funnier, the nonstop channel surfing suddenly made sense. I tried replacing the batteries but no luck. RIP to our sofa victim, the TV remote.
I visited my brother last month and he was excited to show me the new sofa he built all by himself. I was impressed…until I sat on it. One of the wooden legs completely cracked in half, sending me tumbling. His home improvement skills clearly need some work! I asked him, “Did you actually TEST this sofa before showing it off?!” My brother helped me up while muttering excuses about using the wrong screws. Next time maybe I won’t act as his guinea pig!
We recently adopted the cutest Husky puppy named Luna. We are training her not to jump up on the sofa. Yesterday my husband left the sofa cushions out while vacuuming. He walked away for just a minute when I saw a fast blur of fur leap onto the sofa frame. Sure enough, I look out to see our sneaky pup sitting proudly on the bare sofa! No cushions, no problem for this crazy canine!
We bought a vintage sofa at a garage sale but noticed a mysterious stain right in the middle of the cushion. My wife flipped the cushion over only to spot another large stain on the other side too. That’s when she lifted the cushion up and found a moldy old chicken wing stuck inside the sofa frame. Mystery of the persistent stains officially solved. We returned that vintage sofa back to the garage sale, stat.
Last week my daughter couldn’t find her kitten anywhere. We looked all around calling her name with no luck. Finally we heard faint meows coming from…inside our sofa! Sure enough our adventurous feline had climbed up from underneath and was stuck in the sofa frame, wedged between the springs. After disassembling most of the couch we managed to rescue our furry troublemaker. We quickly learned to barricade off that sofa!
I recently stayed on my friend’s pull out sofa bed. In the middle of the night I got up to use the bathroom. Still half asleep I unthinkingly flopped back into bed. Next thing I know I hear a huge crash and I’m on the floor – I completely missed the sofa bed! My friend came rushing out to find me sprawled on the ground, buried under blankets. The pulled out bedframe was crooked. I apologized for my middle-of-the-night sofa bed fail. “No more late night trips for you!” she joked.
We couldn’t figure out why our family room had such a funky smell recently. We literally checked under and behind everything trying to find the source. Finally I noticed our old dog snoozing weirdly close to the edge of the sofa. I immediately realized why when I discovered the giant damp spot and crusted mess she left there. Our elderly pup decided to make the sofa her own personal bathroom. Let’s just say we had to trash that smelly sofa after that incident.
We let my parents stay in our guest room recently. Everything was great until one morning when my dad shuffled to breakfast, looking terribly uncomfortable. Concerned, I asked what was wrong. He awkwardly admitted that the sleeper sofa had collapsed every single night. He didn’t want to bother us so he just slept crumpled on the broken pull-out bed. Next time maybe we’ll invest in an actual bed for our guests!
We were visiting family friends who just moved. They apologized for not having all the furniture unpacked yet, explaining their brand new sofa was being delivered tomorrow. Since it was movie night the husband grabbed a folding lawn chair from the garage. He generously offered it to my elderly grandmother to sit in. We all tried not to giggle as tiny Grandma politely squeezed herself into that giant awkward lawn chair. She gave us a sly smile and declared “Well the seat is very comfortable, at least!”
My neighbor is obsessed with keeping his bright white sofa pristine. Yesterday morning I glanced out my window to see him gently carrying a large sheet of glass. As he slowly walked across his lawn, I realized he was using the glass as a pathway to avoid stepping on his grass and risk tracking dirt inside. Amused, I watched as he gingerly shuffled all the way to his front door, clutching that awkward sheet of glass the entire time. Those white sofas really do create crazy sofa rules!
We were casually sitting on our new sofa when we smelled something faintly burning. Suddenly my wife gasped and jumped up, staring wild-eyed at the sofa beneath her. Turns out the morning sun shining through the window had acted as a magnifying glass on the glass topped coffee table…burning a dark scorch mark into our brand new couch! We quickly closed the blinds but the footprint-shaped burn remained. So much for pristine white sofa dreams.
Yesterday I sat on the sofa chatting on the phone when our elderly cat strolled over. She gave me an insistent meow then proceeded to squat right beside me. Before I could shoo her outside she peed on the floor! Embarrassed, I abruptly told my friend on the phone “Uh, I gotta clean up cat pee!” just as she finished her sentence. Talk about an awkward moment. And now we get to steam clean the sofa area. Bad kitty!
The movers somehow lost all the screws for my new sofa. They apologized and said they’d return first thing tomorrow with replacements. Since I had guests coming that evening I assured them no problem. The movers even helped me balance the wobbly couch on bricks and wood scraps so it could still be used. My guests arrived shortly after, sitting politely on the patched together sofa. Everything was fine until my Dad plopped down and the whole jerry-rigged contraption collapsed sideways! Turns out we’re better off just sitting on the floor tonight.
