Soccer Puns
1. I used to be addicted to soccer, but I finally kicked the habit.
2. What do you call a soccer player who got fired from their team? An ex-striker!
3. Why can’t you tell a joke while playing soccer? Because the ball is always in your court!
4. I bet the soccer player was surprised when he found out his wife was leaving him. He didn’t see the red card coming.
5. Why do soccer players make bad pilots? They’re used to flying balls!
6. Why does England like tea so much? Because tea is just like soccer – they haven’t won a cup in years!
7. What do you call a snake that plays soccer? A boa constrictor!
8. Did you hear about the player who got injured kicking himself? He had an autogoal!
9. Why can’t you use a soccer ball as a weapon? Because it’s not meant to hurt people!
10. Why was Cinderella kicked off the soccer team? She kept running away from the ball!
11. How do soccer players stay cool during games? They stand near the fans!
12. The soccer player couldn’t afford lunch so he decided to soccer punch instead!
Soccer One-Liners
13. I bet soccer players never run out of kicks.
14. Soccer players must get a real kick out of their job.
15. When it comes to playing soccer, height doesn’t matter – it’s all about how you use your head!
16. Soccer players can’t seem to quit kicking around old habits.
17. Soccer moms drive their kids crazy with all their pep talks.
18. That soccer player was so rude – he gave me a red card just for looking at him!
19. The soccer team wasn’t doing well until they brought in a coach to whip them into shape.
20. I’m no soccer player, but I’ll still give it my best shot!
21. The soccer player was so aggressive, it was like he had cleats of fury!
22. Soccer players must go through a lot of ups and downs in their careers – specifically their kicks!
Best Soccer Jokes
23. What did the soccer coach say to the vending machine? Gimme my quaters back!
A soccer coach was frustrated that the vending machine wasn’t working properly and ate his money before he could get his snack. He yelled at it to give his quarters back!
24. How do soccer players party? They turn up the bass and sub-woofers!
Since soccer players are familiar with bass drums and subwoofers used by fans in the stadium, they like to party by turning up loud music with a lot of bass. It’s a play on the soccer terms “bass” and “sub” to describe partying.
25. Why does no one talk to the goalie at parties? Because he is a keeper!
In soccer, the “keeper” refers to the goalkeeper position. The joke is that goalies are quiet and antisocial at parties because their position requires them to be a “keeper” who guards the net.
26. Why did the soccer player go to the Apple store? To get a new iPod Shuffle!
In soccer, a player may “shuffle” their feet to keep control of the ball. So the soccer player needed a new iPod shuffle, playing on the double meaning of shuffle as a soccer skill and a name of an iPod model.
27. How did the soccer ball feel about its include in the big game? It was over the moon!
In soccer, kicking the ball over the crossbar and “over the moon” is an expression for an ambitious or powerful kick. So the ball itself would be thrilled at being kicked high and included in an important match.
28. Why can’t you play soccer secretly? Because it’s a kick out in the open!
In soccer, “kick” refers to the action of striking the ball with the foot. The joke plays on the word “kick” to mean both the soccer maneuver and exposing something secret.
29. Which insects love watching soccer games? Spect-ators!
This joke combines the word “spectator” with “insects” to create spect-ators, a pun on insects being sports fans and gathering to watch soccer matches.
30. Why did the soccer player bring string to the game? Just for kicks!
In soccer, “kicks” refers to striking the ball with the foot. The joke is that the player brought string “just for kicks” – both for messing around and entertaining themselves as well as literally kicking the string.
31. How do goalies stay cool during a game? They chill in the net!
This joke plays on the literal meaning of a goalie “chilling” or staying relaxed in the goal net, as well as the slang meaning of “chilling” as hanging out and keeping cool.
32. What did one soccer ball say to the other? Let’s bounce around town!
Since soccer balls literally bounce around the field, two soccer balls might invite each other to go bounce around town for fun, playing on their bouncy nature.
33. Why can’t you trust atoms? Because they make up everything!
This science joke relies on the double meaning of “make up” as comprising something, and lying about something. Atoms do indeed comprise everything in the physical world, but they cannot be trusted or relied upon fully.
34. What do you call a belt made of watches? A waist of time!
If you wore a belt made of watches around your waist, it would literally be a waist of time (wasted time). This silly joke plays on the phrase “waste of time” by using it in a new context.
35. Why couldn’t the bicycle stand up by itself? It was two tired!
This joke works on two levels. First, bikes cannot stand up by themselves because they have no kickstand. Second, it sounds like “too tired” meaning exhausted. A clever pun!
36. What does a farmer call a cow that cuts their own grass? A lawn moo-er!
A “lawn mower” is a machine that cuts grass. This joke imagines a cow that cuts grass being called a “lawn moo-er,” playing off the cow’s “moo” sound.
37. Why do seagulls fly over the sea? Because if they flew over the bay, they would be bay-gulls!
This joke plays on the sound of “seagulls” by creating the pun “bay-gulls” – seagulls that fly over bays instead of the sea. It relies on the similar sounds but difference meanings.
38. What bird is always depressed? A bluebird!
The word “blue” can mean sad or depressed. So a literal bluebird must always be blue or down in the dumps. A clever play on words.
39. Why couldn’t the pony sing himself a lullaby? He was a little horse!
This joke relies on the double meaning of “a little horse” sounding like “a little hoarse” meaning having a sore throat. A clever pun!
40. What happens when frogs park illegally? They get toad!
The pun here plays on the words “towed,” as in a car getting towed, and “toad,” the frog’s amphibian cousins.
41. Why was the math book feeling sad? It had too many problems!
Math books are filled with problems to solve. But this joke uses “problems” in the sense of personal troubles, meaning the book was depressed.
42. Why couldn’t the leopard play hide and seek? He was always spotted!
Leopards have spots on their fur, so they can never hide. The joke uses “spotted” to mean both seen and covered in spots.
43. Why do sharks live in salt water? Because pepper makes them sneeze!
This silly joke implies that sharks choose to live in salt water because pepper would make them sneeze if they lived in fresh water. It’s an absurd concept!
