Soap + Puns
1. I wanted to make a joke about soap, but it would just come out clean.
2. Did you hear about the new vegan soap? It’s made with lye-brary beans!
3. Why was the bar of soap so well behaved? It knew to mind its own lye-ness.
4. My friend got angry when I dropped his expensive soap. I told him to count to ten and get a grippe.
5. I was going to make a joke about liquid soap, but it slipped my mind.
6. The soap was a real FLOP at the comedy club. His jokes just didn’t CLEAN up.
7. I wanted to buy some discounted Halloween soap, but it was sold for frightfully low prices.
8. The clumsy soap dispenser kept dropping bottles everywhere. It was making a real mess of things.
9. I heard a rumor that soap opera writers were on strike. Apparently there’s lots of lathered tension.
10. My friend got a job at the soap factory but says it’s really Draining.
11. Did you hear about the soap addict? He was raging against the hygiene machine.
12. I was going to tell a joke about Irish Spring, but decided to keep it clean.
13. What do you call ethnically diverse soap? Mosaic.
14. The banana slipped on a bar of soap. He should have known better than to plantain his footing.
15. I wanted to tell a joke about soap poisoning, but decided it was in bad taste.
Soap + One-Liners
16. I heard Dove makes really great soap – but it’s just a lather rumor!
17. My friend is completely obsessed with antibacterial soap. I think she has a germaphobia.
18. I was going to make a soap joke, but all the good ones Argon.
19. I slipped on a bar of soap in the shower this morning. Boy, did I feel like a dummy.
20. My soap is so narcissistic – it can’t stop talking about its self.
21. I heard Dial soap doesn’t lather very well. I guess that’s the downside of being so mellow.
22. I bought some soap made out of clay – talk about an exfoliating experience!
23. My friend thinks he’s so punny with all his soap jokes. I told him to quit it before I clean his clock.
24. I heard an ironic thing happened at the soap factory today – apparently they had to call the cleaning crew to come and scrub the place down!
25. Make sure to wash your hands for at least 20 seconds! Hygiene is nothing to soap around about.
26. I slipped on a bar of soap getting into the shower this morning. Thankfully my rubber ducky was there to cushion the fall!
27. I bought 20 bars of soap for my friend’s birthday but he didn’t look very Clean & Happy about it.
Best Soap Jokes
28. Billy was excited to try out his new bar of soap. He lathered up really well and jumped in the shower. Suddenly he slipped and went careening across the tub. “Well,” he thought, “at least now I’m squeaky clean!”
29. Sally loved playing with her bath toys. One day she decided to give her rubber ducky a bubble bath with lots of soapy suds. She scrubbed and scrubbed until the ducky was covered in mountains of fluffy white foam. Suddenly the duck popped up out of the bubbles and quacked, “Enough already! I’m squeaky clean!” Sally giggled at her silly squeaky duck.
30. Little Timmy loved bath time, especially all the bubbles! One day his mom gave him a new bottle of Mr. Bubbles soap. Timmy squeezed nearly half the bottle into the tub, mixing up a bubbly brew. He hopped in and soon disappeared beneath mounds of fragrant suds. “Timmy?” called his mom. “Where are you?” A little voice piped up from the middle of the tub “I’m in a bubble wonderland!”
31. Doug’s family was hosting a big backyard BBQ. He was in charge of keeping things clean. He spent all morning meticulously scrubbing the patio furniture until it sparkled. The first guests arrived and Doug greeted them proudly. “Watch your step – I just cleaned everything!” he announced. Unfortunately Doug had missed a spot – there was still a slick bar of soap on the steps. One of the guests promptly slipped and landed right on his backside! Everyone had to stifle their laughter as poor Doug turned red with embarrassment. After that fiasco, Doug learned to not get ahead of himself next time he cleaned.
32. Jenny loved playing pretend kitchen. One day she decided to make imaginary soap to wash her dolly’s dirty clothes. She grabbed a bowl and filled it with water from the sink. Next she pretended to grate up a bar of soap, mixing it into the bowl. “Look dolly, it’s laundry time!” she squealed. She swirled the soapy water and then dunked in a toy shirt. As Jenny pulled it out, suds dripped down, covering her hands. “Oh no, too many bubbles!” she giggled. The shirt slipped from her grasp and flew up, sticking right to the ceiling! Jenny collapsed in a fit of laughter. Her pretend laundry day had turned into a real silly mess!
33. For show and tell day, Zack brought in his mom’s homemade soap. “My mom makes this from goat’s milk and natural oils,” he explained. “You can see there’s oatmeal in it to exfoliate your skin.” Zack passed the soap around for his classmates to see. Tommy was impressed. “It smells really good!” he declared, taking a big sniff. But Tommy inhaled too deeply and accidentally sucked the soap right up his nostril! He immediately started hacking and sneezing, bubbles flying everywhere! The class cracked up laughing, even Zack and Tommy. Though show and tell was over, the soap shenanigans provided entertainment all morning long.
34. The Evil Doctor Dirt loved inventing filthy contraptions. One day he cooked up a grimy goop that removed all traces of clean. “With my Soap-B-Gone-A-Rama, no one will ever wash again!” he cackled. The nefarious device sought out every bar of soap. POOF went the Irish Spring. SQUISH went the Dove. Doctor Dirt laughed wickedly at the piles of mushy soap remains. “Now no one can get clean!” he bellowed. But the clever Professor Suds devised the Soap-Pult 3000, launching new soap at anyone who needed it. Try as he might, the evil doctor could not stop the bubbles. And so the importance of good hygiene prevailed, thanks to Professor Suds!
35. Martha was a meticulous cleaner who scrubbed every inch with the same bar of soap. Soon it was just a thin, slippery sliver. One evening, Martha propped up the last soap nub to wash her hands. As she lathered up, the tiny bar squirted from her grasp, shooting straight down the drain! Martha gasped and tried grabbing it, knocking over bottles and towels. The bar wedged into the pipes, clogging the drain completely. Water flowed over the rim of the sink as Martha helplessly watched the last of her soap disappear. “I guess it’s time for a new bar after all,” she sighed. Martha learned her lesson – next time she’d get more soap before it became too small!
36. Sammy loved bubble baths. He even brought his favorite bubble wand to play with in the tub. After filling up with nice warm water, Sammy poured in a capful of Mr. Bubble. He gave the wand a big swirl, watching billowy white suds fill the air. Sammy giggled as the bubbles gently floated down, landing in his hair. Soon he was covered in a fluffy blanket of foam. “Bubble power!” he cheered. With an extra shake of the wand, the tub overflowed with mountains of bubbles. They cascaded down the sides like a fluffy white waterfall. Now the bathroom was as bubbly as the tub! Sammy smiled in awe – he really loved his bubble wand.
37. The evil Lord Dirt despised all things clean. He commanded his grumpy minions to destroy every last bar of soap in the kingdom. The goblins grumbled but did as they were told, stomping dirty feet on the soap. As they mashed the last bar, a sweet smell wafted up – fresh and flowery. The minions sniffed the air, entranced by the lovely scent. Without thinking, they plopped down and began using the lather to wash their grimy hands and faces. For the first time ever, they felt fresh and clean! The minions realized how wonderful soap was and decided to quit taking orders from the mean old Lord Dirt. Thanks to the power of soap, the kingdom was happy ever after!