Skiing Puns
1. I wanted to go heli-skiing, but the prices were too steep.
2. The ski resort was so crowded, it was a powder keg ready to explode.
3. The beginner skier kept falling on her bunny slopes. She was having a crummy day.
4. The ski instructor told us to pizza instead of french frying. I was craving Italian food after that.
5. My ski buddy was shredding down the mountain. He really ripped that run to pieces!
6. After skiing all day, my legs were so tired they could barely schuss anymore.
7. I was excited for the ski trip until I realized it was just downhill from there.
8. The ski patrol rescued the lost skier. It was an uplifting experience.
9. The moguls were difficult, but I mogul’d through them somehow.
10. My ski jacket wasn’t waterproof. It soaked up the snow like a sponge.
11. The ski resort had too many rules and regulations. It was very by the book.
12. I tried telemark skiing but kept falling. I guess I’m not very tele-talented.
Skiing One-Liners
13. I don’t ski, I just stand around in ski clothes.
14. Downhill skiing is an uplifting experience.
15. Skiing involves staying upright while simultaneously avoiding trees, people, rocks and snow.
16. Skiing is great – just strap two slippery sticks to your feet and jump off a mountain.
17. Skiing: Hours of boredom punctuated by moments of sheer terror.
18. Skiing is the only time when you can pay $100 a day to be in pain and love it.
19. Downhill skiing combines outdoor fun with knocking down trees with your face.
20. My idea of skiing is sitting by a warm fireplace with a hot toddy and looking at skiing photographs.
21. Skiing – the best way to ruin a perfectly good pair of pants.
22. Skiing is like golf, except you have two sticks and stay upright. Oh, and there’s snow.
23. “Safety bindings” in skiing means your leg goes skiing on its own when you fall.
24. I don’t “ski.” I wear an expensive coat and drink hot chocolate.
Best Skiing Jokes
25. Two snowboarders were relaxing in the lodge after a long day on the slopes. One says to the other, “Hey man, did you go black diamond today?” His friend replies, “Nah, just plain old white snow for me.”
26. A blonde decides to try skiing. After several falls she calls the ski patrol for help. When the ski patrol arrives and asks if she has any other injuries, she replies, “Yes, I think I’m losing hearing in my left ear.” The ski patrol asks, “Really? How come?” She says, “Because that’s where I fell the first time!”
27. A family goes skiing. The son excitedly asks his dad, “Can I go down the black diamond run?” The father replies, “No son, you have to start slowly on the bunny hill first.” The son asks, “But why can’t I go down the black diamond run?” The father answers, “Because you will have much more fun skiing with me on the bunny hill.” The son insists, “Come on dad, all of my friends ski the black diamond run!” The father calmly responds, “Son, if your friends all jumped off a cliff, would you?” The son thinks for a moment and says, “Well dad, you got me there. If all my friends jumped off a cliff, I wouldn’t be skiing with them anymore!”
28. A skier gets caught in an avalanche and ends up buried in the snow. After a few minutes, he manages to dig himself out and catches his breath. Just then, Saint Peter shows up and says, “Come with me, my son.” The skier replies, “I can’t just yet, Saint Peter. I’m still alive!” Saint Peter smiles patiently and says, “What makes you think I’m Saint Peter?”
29. An excited snowboarder meets up with his friend before hitting the slopes. He says, “I finally convinced my wife that I need a month off to go snowboarding!” His friend congratulates him and asks, “Wow, how did you manage that?” The snowboarder grins and says, “Easy. I just got her pregnant.”
30. An avid skier dies and goes to heaven. After taking in the pearly gates and streets of gold, he notices a long line to get into the ski area. He asks Saint Peter, “Hey, what’s with the line to get in to ski?” Saint Peter laughs and says, “Oh that? That’s the line to get out. No one ever wants to leave!”
31. A family is skiing together for the first time. The mother is struggling and falls repeatedly. She finally loses a ski and starts tumbling down the slope. As she rolls past her husband he yells, “For goodness sake Martha, open your legs!” His embarrassed teenage daughter scolds him, “Dad! You’re telling mom to open her legs in front of me? That’s disgusting!” The man shakes his head and says, “No no, I’m telling her to pizza to slow down!”
32. A man decides to try downhill skiing for the first time. He rents all the gear and as he puts on the skis, the shop owner warns, “Be careful. These skis are really fast!” The man brushes him off and says, “Pssh I’m a great athlete, don’t worry about me.” He skis to the top of the biggest slope. Peering down he thinks, “Wow this is really high and steep, maybe I should start on the bunny hill first…” But his ego gets the better of him. He pushes off and goes racing down the slope, promptly loses control, and crashes into the ski patrol building at high speed. That evening in the hospital he swears to his wife, “Okay honey I admit it, maybe starting on the bunny hill wasn’t such a bad idea after all.”
33. How do you know when a snowboarder has been staying in your resort? When the snow melts, there are oil patches everywhere in the parking lot.
34. How can you tell when a snowboarder is lying? Their lips move.
35. What’s the difference between a crazy snowboarder and a vacuum cleaner? The location of the dirtbag.
36. Why did the snowboarder cross the road? To prove to the skiers that it could be done.
37. How do you make a snowboarder go faster? Pour gasoline on their glove.
38. What do you call a snowboarder without a girlfriend? Homeless.
39. How do you know when a snowboarder is at your door? The doorbell keeps ringing but no one is there.
40. What do snowboarders and sperm have in common? Only about 1 in 14 million work.
41. How can you tell if a snowboarder is intellectually challenged? He brings a purse snowboarding.
42. What do snowboarders and turtles have in common? They both struggle when they’re on their backs.
43. Did you hear about the disabled snowboarder? He was a paraplegic.
44. Why do snowboarders wear beanies? To cover up the lobotomy scars.
45. Why do snowboarders like flat-brimmed hats so much? It’s the only style that fits over their helmets.
46. Why can’t snowboarders drive faster than 68 mph? Because at 69 they blow a rod.
47. Did you hear about the new lightweight snowboard? It’s for snowboarding on thin ice.
We hope you enjoyed this collection of funny skiing puns, one-liners, and jokes! Whether you’re an avid skier getting ready for a ski trip, or just looking for some winter-themed laughs, this list has something for everyone. Skiing can be thrilling but also dangerous, so we remind you to stay safe out there and always be prepared. And in true ski spirit, may all your trails be downhill!