Skeleton Puns (13)
1. I wish I was a skeleton because I’d have a funny bone.
2. Skeletons should drink lots of milk if they want to have strong bones.
3. A skeleton walked into a bar and ordered a beer and a mop.
4. My skeleton friend makes Halloween costumes. Business is booming for him.
5. I took my skeleton friend to an all-you-can-eat buffet. He ate till he had no body left.
6. A skeleton played the xylophone. He had a bone to pick with it.
7. Why don’t skeletons like trash talk? It goes right through them.
8. A skeleton and his friend went to a haunted house. His friend was scared but the skeleton wasn’t because he had no body to be afraid.
9. Did you hear about the skeleton who couldn’t go to the dance? He had no body to go with.
10. Why don’t skeletons get scared on Halloween? They have no body to be afraid!
11. A skeleton walked into a bar. The bartender asked, “What can I get you?” The skeleton said, “I’ll have two beers and a mop.”
12. What do you call a skeleton who won’t get out of bed in the morning? Lazy bones!
13. Why didn’t the skeleton want to go to school? He was feeling bone tired!
Skeleton One-Liners (15)
14. I wish I was a skeleton, then I’d be bone thin!
15. How did the skeleton know it was going to rain? He could feel it in his bones.
16. Why didn’t the skeleton cross the road? He didn’t have any guts!
17. What do skeletons say before eating? Bone appetit!
18. Why do skeletons hate the winter? Because the cold goes right through them!
19. Why couldn’t the skeleton play church music? He had no organs!
20. What happened when the skeleton rode a pop-up roller coaster? It scared him to death!
21. Why are skeletons so calm? Because nothing gets under their skin!
22. Why didn’t the skeleton go to prom? He had no body to go with!
23. How do skeletons get their mail? By bony express!
24. Why don’t skeletons play music in church? They have no organs!
25. What do you give a skeleton for Valentine’s Day? Bone-bones in a heart shaped box!
26. Why didn’t the skeleton dance at the Halloween party? It had no body to dance with.
27. What’s a skeleton’s favorite musical instrument? The trom-bone!
28. Why don’t skeletons ever go trick or treating? Because they have no body to go with!
Best Skeleton Jokes (26)
29. Three skeletons walk into a bar. The first skeleton says to the bartender, “I’ll have a beer and a mop.” The second skeleton says, “I’ll have a beer and a mop too.” The third skeletons says, “I’ll just have a glass of water.” The bartender asks the third skeleton, “Why are you just having water?” The third skeleton replies, “Well someone has to drive these two boneheads home!”
30. A skeleton walks into a bar and says, “Give me a beer and a mop.” The bartender gives the skeleton a beer and a mop. The skeleton begins to drink the beer and mop the floor. The bartender says, “Hey man, what are you doing mopping my floor?” The skeleton replies, “Well, I ordered a beer and a mop!”
31. Why don’t skeletons play music in church? Because they have no organs! One day a skeleton decides to join a church choir to make some friends. The choir director notices the skeleton has no vocal cords and asks, “How are you going to sing without vocal cords?” The skeleton says, “Don’t worry, I’ll just play the music on the church organ.” The choir director replies, “But you don’t have any organs!” The skeleton sadly walks away, having no body and no organs.
32. One Halloween night, a police officer saw a skeleton driving a car. He pulled the skeleton over and said, “Sorry to pull you over, but I have to ask, why are you, a skeleton, driving a car?” The skeleton replied, “Oh I don’t have a license, but it’s OK because I’m bone sober!”
33. A family decided to dress up as skeletons for Halloween and go trick-or-treating. The mom skeleton, dad skeleton, and baby skeleton knocked on the neighbor’s door and said “trick or treat!” The neighbor exclaimed “Oh my! What great skeleton costumes – so lifelike! But wait, where is your dog skeleton?” The baby skeleton replied, “Oh he couldn’t make it. He was a little bone tired…”
34. Once there was a skeleton who couldn’t find his funny bone. He looked everywhere – in the closet, under the bed, in the refrigerator but it was nowhere to be found. He was starting to get very worried and upset. Then his friend the clown skeleton came over to try and cheer him up. He tickled the sad skeleton’s ribs with a feather to get him laughing again. And it worked – the skeleton realized his funny bone had been inside him all along!
35. Why don’t skeletons fight each other? They don’t have the guts!
36. Why don’t skeletons play music in church? They have no organs! But one day a skeleton decides to learn how to play music to join the church choir. He practices day and night, hour after hour, with all his bones rattling. Finally the big day arrives and the skeleton plays a beautiful hymn on the church organ. The congregation is so moved, and the pastor says to the skeleton, “That was just wonderful! You’ve truly learned how to make beautiful music without any organs.”
37. What happens when skeletons tell lies? Their noses grow! One day a skeleton named Jack told a big lie to his friend. His boney nose started growing and growing, getting longer with each fib. His skeletal friend said, “Jack! I can see your nose growing when you lie!” Jack gasped and said, “What?! My nose doesn’t grow when I lie!” His nose just kept on growing though, getting so long it touched the floor. The moral is, you can’t fibula to your friends – they’ll always catch your boney lies!
38. Why don’t skeletons ever go skydiving? Because they don’t have the guts!
39. What do you call a skeleton who won’t get up in the morning? Lazy bones! One morning, Lazy Bones the skeleton’s alarm clock starts buzzing bright and early. He hits snooze and rolls over, determined to keep sleeping. Later his friend Bonehead comes over yelling, “Lazy Bones, wake up! It’s time for work, you lazy bones!” But Lazy Bones pulls the covers over his skull and says, “Leave me alone, I’m sleeping in!” looks like Lazy Bones should drink some coffee to his funny bone going in the morning!
40. Why can’t skeletons play church music? They have no organs! A skeleton wished more than anything to be able to sing and play music at church. He prayed and prayed about it every day. Then finally one night an angel appeared to him a dream and said, “Skeleton, your wish had been granted – you now have vocal cords and organs to play music!” The skeleton woke up, jumped out of bed and shouted “Hallelujah!” and sang a beautiful hymn at church the next day. All the people clapped and cheered to hear his heavenly music.
41. Why didn’t the skeleton go to see a scary movie? He didn’t have the guts! One night a skeleton’s friends dared him to go see the scariest movie playing at the theater. The skeleton shook with fear at the thought of it, his bones rattling loudly. When Friday night came, the skeleton’s friends bought tickets for the movie. But the skeleton was too afraid of all the spooky monsters on the screen, so he stayed home with all the lights on instead!
42. Why are skeletons so calm? Because nothing gets under their skin! Even on the most stressful days, skeletons never lose their cool. Traffic jams, long lines and pesky problems don’t faze them one bit. Skeletons don’t have any skin, so nothing can bother them enough to work up their nerves. Their secret? Focus on the funny bone – life is too short to get upset!
43. What instrument do skeletons play? The trom-bone! Doug the skeleton loved jazz music more than anything. He dreamed of playing trombone in a big jazz band. One day Doug saw an ad posted for a local jazz band looking for a trombone player. Though he had no lungs, lips or slide hand, Doug rushed to the audition. He rattled his arm bones across the brass trombone in perfect melody with the band. The bandleader jumped up, amazed by Doug’s bone rattling skills. Doug got the job on the spot and became the world’s first skeleton trombone player!
44. Why don’t skeletons like riding roller coasters? They don’t have the stomach for it! When a group of skeleton friends visited an amusement park, they all wanted to ride the biggest, scariest roller coaster there. But Skeleton Joe didn’t have nerves or a stomach, so he knew he wouldn’t be able to handle all the dips, drops and loops. “You guys go ahead, I’ll wait on a bench,” said Skeleton Joe. After his ride, his friend Skeleton Jack said, “Wow, that roller coaster shook me to the bone!”
45. Why don’t skeletons ever go snowboarding? It goes right through them! A group of skeleton buddies were excited to go on a big snowboarding trip together. But when they got to the slopes, they realized the snow went straight through their leg bones rather than letting them glide down the mountain. “Sorry guys, I just can’t get enough friction to snowboard without skin and muscles,” said one skeleton pal. So the skeletons went to the lodge to enjoy some hot bone broth instead!
46. What happens when a skeleton lies? His nose grows! Skeleton Jack loved to play tricks and tell tall tales to his friends. One day, he fibbed “I climbed the tallest mountain in the world!” Immediately, his boney nose grew two inches longer. He laughed, “Oops, I guess I’m like Pinocchio!” But then he told another whopper about eating 100 hot dogs, and his nose doubled in length again, throwing him off balance. His skeleton pals laughed and said, “Stop telling lies or soon your nose will be taller than you!”
47. Where does a skeleton keep his money? The bone bank! Skeleton Sam kept all his bones buried in his backyard bone bank for safekeeping. Whenever he found an extra bone or two, he added it to the pile. After years of bonesavings, Sam finally had enough to buy his dream house. So he dug up his heavy sacks of bones and marched them right over to the bone broker to cash in. Now Sam lives in a big house and still buries bones out back, just in case.
48. Why did the skeleton run up a tree? Because a dog was after his bones! Skeleton Jack was walking through the park when a big, hungry looking dog started chasing after him. Jack had no muscles to run away fast, so he frantically climbed up a tree to get away. The dog jumped and barked angrily at the base of the tree, trying to get Jack’s bones. “Nice doggy, go away, leave my bones alone!” the skeleton shouted. But the dog stayed until the owner finally called him home. Phew, Jack and his bones were safe at last up in that tree!
49. Why are skeletons so mean? Because they don’t have a heart! Skeleton Steve was the grumpiest, rudest skeleton around. He never said please or thank you, cut in line, and laughed when other skeletons got hurt. “How could you be so mean and heartless!” the others asked him. But Skeleton Steve replied, “I don’t have a heart, silly! I’m a skeleton!” The others just shook their heads and walked away. Without a heart, Steve would never change his boney ways.
50. Why did the skeleton stay out of the baby pool? He had no guts! On a hot summer day, a mommy skeleton took her twins to the park. The baby skeletons laughed as they splashed in the pool, but Mr. Skeleton just sat on a park bench watching. “Come in the water, dear!” called his wife. “The babies want you to swim with them!” But he said, “No thanks, I’ll pass.” Mr. Skeleton didn’t have the guts for cute baby pools!
