Santa Claus Puns (10)
- What do you call an elf who sings? A wrapper!
- Why was Santa’s little helper depressed? Because he had low elf esteem.
- Why does Santa have three gardens? So he can ho-ho-ho!
- What do you get when you cross Santa with a duck? A Christmas quacker!
- How do you know when you meet a lazy elf? He’s just not elf-motivated.
- What did one snowman say to the other snowman? Do you smell carrots?
- Why are Christmas trees so bad at sewing? They always drop their needles.
- What do you call an old snowman? Water!
- What do snowmen eat for breakfast? Snowflakes.
- Why was the snowman looking through the carrots? He was picking his nose!
Santa Claus One-Liners (10)
- I once saw Santa Claus ice skating. He must have been practising for the Ice Capades!
- Santa Claus got a parking ticket on Christmas Eve. He should have left his sleigh in the snow parking zone!
- I thought I saw Santa in the gym. Turns out it was just a jolly belly lifter.
- Santa Claus was on the naughty list this year for cookie overconsumption.
- Santa Claus finally upgraded from his sled to a flying Tesla. He calls it the Model Y Ho Ho Ho.
- Santa Claus decided to go on a diet this year. No more cookies means he’ll be able to fit down those small chimneys again!
- Santa Claus was arrested last night for breaking and entering. What a Claus-trophobic situation!
- I asked Santa to give me the winning lottery numbers for Christmas. Shockingly, he just laughed and said “Ho-ho-ho!”
- Santa Claus called in sick on Christmas Eve. He was suffering from low elf esteem.
- Santa Claus joined Instagram this year. Follow him at SantaHoHoHo for plenty of holiday cheer all season long!
Best Santa Claus Jokes (44)
1. Santa Claus went to the doctor for a check-up and was told he was overweight. The doctor said, “You need to cut out the sweets and go on a diet. No more cookies for you!” Santa looked shocked. “What? No more cookies? I can’t do that!” he said. The doctor said firmly, “Santa, I’m serious. You need to lose some weight and get healthy.” Santa sighed and said sadly, “Okay, I’ll try. But I have to warn you – this is going to be the hardest noel.”
2. Why does Santa ride a sleigh? Because a sled is much too small!
3. What do you get if Santa goes down the chimney when a fire is lit? Krisp Cringle!
4. What do you call an elf who just has to sing? A wrapper!
5. How do sheep say Merry Christmas in Mexico? Fleece Navidad!
6. What do you get if you cross Santa with a detective? Santa Clues!
7. Why does Scrooge love Rudolph the Red-Nosed Reindeer? Because every buck is dear to him!
8. Why is Santa so good at karate? Because he has a black belt!
9. What kind of motorbike does Santa ride? A Holly Davidson!
10. Why are Christmas trees very bad at knitting? Because they always drop their needles!
11. What do you call a broke Santa? Saint-a-nickel-less!
12. How do sheep say Merry Christmas in Mexico? Fleece Navidad!
13. What do snowmen eat for breakfast? Snowflakes!
14. How much did Santa pay for his sleigh? Nothing, it was on the house!
15. Why couldn’t the skeleton go to the Christmas party? He had no body to go with.
16. What does Santa do with old candy canes? He gives them to the reindeer as stirrups!
17. Why do mummies like Christmas so much? Because of all the wrapping!
18. What do you call an elf wearing ear muffs? Anything you want, he can’t hear you!
19. What do you get if you combine a Christmas tree with an iPad? A pineapple!
20. Why are Christmas trees very bad at sewing? They always drop their needles!
21. Why was Santa’s little helper depressed? Because he had low elf esteem!
22. Why does Santa Claus go down the chimney on Christmas Eve? Because it “soots” him!
23. What do you call a kid who doesn’t believe in Santa? A rebel without a Claus.
24. What’s the best Christmas present? A broken drum, you just can’t beat it!
25. Why was Santa’s little helper feeling depressed? He had low elf esteem.
26. What do you get if you cross Santa with a Martian? Kris Kringle from Outer Space!
27. Why was Santa sent to prison? He had a three-strike rule: speeding, running stop signs and going down chimneys without a license!
28. Why does Santa use giftwrap? He likes to keep things under wraps!
29. What do you call someone who is afraid of Santa Claus? A Claus-trophobic person!
30. Why did Santa’s helper quit his job? He was fed up with being an elf!
31. What do you get if you cross a snowman and a vampire? Frostbite!
32. Why didn’t Santa bring any presents for a bad boy? The snowstorm kept him in the North Poll!
33. Why are Christmas trees very bad at sewing? They always drop their needles!
34. What does Santa suffer from if he gets stuck in a chimney? Claus-trophobia!
35. Why was Santa’s little helper depressed? He had low elf esteem.
36. What do snowmen eat for breakfast? Frosted snowflakes!
37. How will Christmas dinner be different after Brexit? No Brussels!
38. What do Santa’s little helpers learn at school? The elf-abet!
39. Why was Santa’s little helper so sad? He had low elf esteem.
40. Why did Santa go to the doctor? Because of his bad “ho ho ho”!
41. What do you get if you cross Santa with a duck? A Christmas quacker!
42. Why are Christmas trees so bad at knitting? They always drop their needles!
43. What do you call an elf that likes to swim? A float elf!
44. Why was Santa’s helper sad on Christmas Eve? He had a low elf esteem.
