Salad Puns
1. Lettuce turnip the beet on these salad puns!
2. Orange you glad I didn’t say banana? That would have been a fruitless salad pun.
3. What do you call a sad salad? Blue cheese.
4. Why did the tomato turn red? It saw the salad dressing!
5. What do you call a fake noodle? An impasta salad!
6. I relish these salad puns, even if they’re a little corny.
7. Lettuce forgive and forget about any bad salad puns.
8. Orange you going to make a salad pun next? Be creative!
9. What did the salad say to the dressing? “Olive you!”
10. A salad walks into a bar. The bartender says, “Sorry, we don’t serve food here.”
11. Did you hear about the cross-eyed teacher who lost her job? She couldn’t control her pupils.
12. Why don’t eggs tell jokes? They’d crack each other up.
Salad One-Liners
13. I’m really proud of my vegetable puns – everyone says they’re a-maize-ing!
14. What do you call an upset salad? A pessimist.
15. They fired the salad chef because he kept tossing things.
16. Salad is just organized leaves. Change my mind.
17. Kale Caesar! Seize the salad!
18. This salad tastes like grass clippings and regret.
19. Friends don’t lettuce do salad puns alone.
20. Salad Days – when lettuce was young and spinach was bold.
21. Q: What do you call a clairvoyant midget who escaped from prison? A: A small medium at large.
22. I couldn’t quite remember how to throw a boomerang, but eventually it came back to me.
Best Salad Jokes
23. Why did the tomato turn red? Because it saw the salad dressing!
A tomato was walking down the street one day when he passed by a driveway. The tomato glanced down the driveway and noticed a green bottle. “Hey, that green bottle looks tasty!” thought the tomato. He walked closer and suddenly realized it was a bottle of salad dressing. The tomato immediately turned red with embarrassment.
24. What do you call a fake noodle? An impasta!
A chef was making a salad and needed some pasta. He reached for a box of noodles in the pantry but then realized it was actually a box of rubber bands. “Oh no!” yelled the chef. “These aren’t noodles, these are impastas!” The chef tried to quickly rinse off the rubber bands and make them look like pasta, but it was no use. As soon as the customers took a bite of the “pasta” salad, they knew something was definitely off.
25. Why was the tomato so sad? Because it had the blues!
A tomato plant was growing in a garden, ready to bear delicious ripe tomatoes. But one little tomato was feeling down in the dumps. His skin was still green and he just couldn’t seem to turn red. The other tomatoes were plump and rosy red. But this little tomato stayed green with sadness. “What’s wrong little buddy?” asked the farmer. The tomato replied with a sigh “I have the blues.” No matter how much sun and water it got, the little tomato stayed green with the blues. Eventually the farmer picked it and turned it into a sad green salsa.
26. What did the chef say to the salad? Lettuce get together!
A chef was getting ready to make a salad for dinner. He took out a head of lettuce, some cucumbers, tomatoes, and carrots from the refrigerator. As he started washing and chopping the vegetables, he smiled at the lettuce and said “Hey there lettuce, looks like it’s just you and me tonight. Lettuce get together and make the perfect salad!” The chef tossed the lettuce with the dressing and offered it a taste. “Mmm, lettuce make salad, that’s delicious!” he said. With the lettuce and vegetables all working together, the chef was able to create a tasty salad masterpiece.
27. Why was the salad so upset? Because it had butter lettuce!
One day a salad was sitting in the refrigerator feeling down. All the other foods asked “What’s wrong?” The salad sighed and said “I’m feeling butter lettuce.” The foods were confused until the salad explained “Get it? Bitter lettuce? I’m feeling bitter.” The foods laughed at realizing it was just a little lettuce humor. The salad perked up realizing it got the foods laughing at its little joke. Even though the salad was bitter lettuce, it felt better after lightening the mood.
28. What does a crazy salad dress like? Ranch dressing!
A waiter brought a salad to a table with some ranch dressing on the side. But before he could set it down, the salad suddenly shouted “Yeehaw!” and poured the entire ranch dressing bottle all over itself. Lettuce, tomatoes and carrots went flying everywhere. The embarrassed waiter said “I’m so sorry, this salad is absolutely ranchy!” The salad chuckled “Don’t worry partner, I always dress crazy!” The waiter just shook his head and took away the nutty salad, muttering “That’s the last time I serve a salad with ranch dressing.”
29. Why don’t tomatoes like comedy shows? Because they get sad when they see the salad dressing!
A family of tomatoes went to a comedy club one evening, excited to see some hilarious stand-up comedians. But when the show started, they noticed a beautiful woman walk across the stage wearing a sparkly green dress. All the tomatoes gasped and started frowning. “What’s wrong?” asked the mother tomato. “We got sad when we saw the salad dressing!” replied one of the baby tomatoes. “Don’t be silly,” said the father tomato. “That’s no reason to frown at a comedy show!” But for the rest of the night, none of the tomatoes could enjoy the show after seeing the salad dressing.
30. Why did the salad get in trouble at school? Because it was caught with dressing!
A school salad was called into the principal’s office one day. “Do you know why you’re here?” asked the principal sternly. “No, why?” said the salad innocently. “We caught you sneaking bottles of ranch dressing from the cafeteria again!” The salad gasped and started trembling. “I’m very disappointed in your behavior. You know salads aren’t allowed to have extra dressing at school.” The salad bowed its head in shame. From then on, the salad ate very plainly without dressing, having learned its lesson about breaking the rules.
31. Why was the chef embarrassed about his pasta salad? It had impastas in it!
A famous chef had made a nice pasta salad for a potluck. But when people started eating it, they noticed something was off. “Excuse me, I think there’s something wrong with your pasta salad,” one person commented. The chef took a closer look and gasped when he saw rubber bands mixed into the penne. “Oh no, I accidentally grabbed a box of rubber bands instead of pasta!” the chef cried. He was so embarrassed about the impastas in his salad. From then on, the chef always double checked that he had the right ingredients before cooking.
32. Why did the tomato blush? Because it saw the salad dressing!
One day a small tomato was rolling down the street when suddenly it passed by a green bottle sitting in a driveway. “Goodness, who is that lovely lady?” thought the tomato, suddenly turning red. As the tomato got closer, it realized the green bottle was actually a bottle of salad dressing! The tomato turned even redder with embarrassment. Silly tomato, that’s no lady – that’s just salad dressing! The tomato learned its lesson and from then on always made sure to take a closer look before crushing on someone.
33. What happened when the lettuce got in a fight? There was a salad to the death!
Two heads of lettuce grew up side by side in a vegetable garden. One day, one head of lettuce started boasting that he was way crispier and tastier than the other. “Oh yeah? Let’s settle this!” the other lettuce shouted. So they started tossing salad at each other, knocking off leaves and shoots as they tussled. The battle went on until they were both a shredded mess. In the end, their silly battle just turned them into the same salad. The lettuces learned that fighting gets you nowhere in the end.
34. Why did the salad cross the road? To get to the other sidedish!
A big bowl of salad saw some tasty sides across the street – some fresh bread, soup, and roasted potatoes. “Hey, I want to be with you guys!” yelled the salad. So without looking both ways first, the salad bowled itself across the road. Cars screeched to a stop as the salad tumbled to the other side. “Yay, I made it!” said the salad. But then a bus came by and smashed the salad everywhere. The moral – always look both ways before tossing yourself across the road for some sidedishes!
35. What do you call a psychic midget who has escaped from prison? A small medium at large.
Once there was a psychic midget named Madame Mara who claimed she could predict the future. But she used her powers to scam people out of money. So Madame Mara was arrested and put in prison for fraud. But one day, the guards were shocked to find she had somehow squeezed through the bars and escaped! News spread of the small psychic midget who was now on the run. The police put out an announcement warning citizens to keep an eye out for “a small medium at large.”
36. Why don’t eggs tell jokes? They’d crack each other up.
A baby chick once asked his mom “Hey mom, why don’t eggs ever tell each other jokes?” The mother hen replied “Well dear, eggs don’t have very good senses of humor. In fact, most eggs find jokes ‘hard to beat.’ And if they did tell jokes to each other, they’d crack each other up!” The baby chick laughed thinking about eggs trying to keep a straight face while telling jokes. He imagined the eggs would crack up laughing so hard that they’d literally crack their own shells! And that’s why eggs don’t tell jokes – they don’t want to crack each other up!
37. Why was the tomato so upset? It was having an identity cris-is!
A plump, juicy tomato was sitting on the vine, getting ready to ripen, when an existential crisis hit. “Who am I? What is my purpose?” the tomato thought. The tomato watched the other vegetables around him fulfill their duties – the lettuce was the base of salads, the carrots were good for the eyesight, the potatoes could be mashed. But the tomato just didn’t know what it was good for. This identity crisis sent the poor tomato into a state of distress that caused his ripeness to come to a complete halt. Until the tomato could figure out his purpose, he would remain sadly unripe.
38. Why did the chef yell at the salad? To lettuce know who’s boss!
A talented young chef had just started working in a new restaurant. He was making a salad for some important guests when suddenly the salad started tossing itself around and making a mess. “Stop that!” yelled the chef. The unruly salad just laughed and threw some more lettuce leaves at him. The furious chef finally shouted “Listen here salad, I’m the boss in this kitchen! Lettuce get one thing straight – you’ll lettuce know who’s boss around here!” The salad grumbled and settled down, allowing the chef to fix it nicely for serving. From then on, the salad didn’t give that chef any more trouble.
39. Why was the salad acting so smug? It was feeling dressing superior!
The salads at a restaurant began noticing that one salad in particular always acted conceited. This arrogant salad looked down on the other salads, believing it was better than them in every way. One day, a brave lettuce leaf finally asked the smug salad – “Why are you acting so dressing superior lately?” The rude salad huffed and replied “Because MY dressing is obviously the best tasting.” The other salads just rolled their eyes. “Don’t worry, he’s just being a Caesar salad,” one salad joked. They all laughed while the smug salad just scowled in the corner.
40. Why was the salad laughing to itself? Because it was tossing its own greens!
The chef had just brought a fresh salad out from the kitchen. But suddenly he noticed the salad start chuckling. “What’s so funny?” he asked. “Oh nothing, I’m just tossing my own greens over here!” the salad replied. The chef looked closer and realized the salad was literally picking up its own leaves with its vegetable tongs and tossing them in the air. The salad kept giggling “Tossed greens, get it?” The chef shook his head at the ridiculous salad finding humor in tossing its own ingredients.
41. What do you call a funny vegetable? A pun-kin!
Once there was a pumpkin who loved telling silly jokes and making puns. Whenever the other vegetables heard the pumpkin’s jokes, they would all groan loudly. “Ugh that pumpkin is so annoying!” said the lettuce. “All he ever does is pun-kin around all day,” sighed the carrots. But the pumpkin didn’t care – he just loved amusing himself by cracking puns, even if the other vegetables didn’t like them. So the vegetables dubbed him “The Pun-Kin” as a nickname. But the pumpkin wore it proudly!
42. Why don’t eggs tell jokes? They’d crack each other up!
One day, a chicken was telling her eggs jokes to pass the time as they waited to hatch. But the eggs didn’t find any of the jokes funny. Confused, the mother hen asked the eggs “Why don’t any of you laugh at my jokes?” One egg piped up, “If we laugh too hard, we’ll literally crack up and break our shells!” The other eggs all nodded in agreement. Suddenly it dawned on the mother that eggs can’t enjoy jokes or laughter, or else they’d risk cracking themselves up! And that is why eggs rarely tell jokes to each other.
43. What do you call a funny yam? A yukon gold!
A potato, carrot, and yam were all telling jokes in the farmer’s field. The potato and carrot both told lame, corny jokes that no one laughed at. But when the yam started telling jokes, everyone roared with laughter! The yam’s jokes were clever and hilarious. After the successful comedy routine, the potato congratulated the yam. “You sure have a gift for comedy! We oughta call you Yukon Gold after that gold-star performance!” From then on, the funny yam was known as the “Yukon Gold” comedian of the vegetable patch!
44. Why don’t omelets tell jokes? They don’t want to crack each other up!
One day, a fresh egg was curious why he never heard omelets telling each other jokes and laughing. So he asked the whisk, “Hey, how come omelets don’t ever tell jokes to each other?” The whisk explained “Well, omelets take themselves very seriously. They have no sense of humor. Also, if omelets DID try to tell jokes, they’d probably crack each other up laughing! And no omelet wants to actually crack up into pieces just for a laugh!” The egg nodded, now understanding why omelets don’t risk joking around or laughing too hard.
45. What do you call a funny chicken? A comedi-hen!
There was a chicken named Gertrude who loved to play pranks on the other farm animals. One day she put hot sauce on the cows’ feed, put blue dye in the horse’s water, and rigged the door to dump mud on the farmer’s head. As the animals laughed at the silly pranks, the farmer scolded Gertrude. But then he paused and said “You sure do have quite the sense of humor. In fact, I’m going to start calling you Comedi-hen!” From then on, Gertrude was known as the comedi-hen of the farm for her constant practical jokes and pranks.
46. Why don’t cabbages ever chuckle? They don’t want to crack themselves up!
A little boy was eating coleslaw when he wondered aloud, “How come I never see cabbages laugh or tell jokes?” His mother explained “Well, cabbages take themselves very seriously. They are very stoic vegetables. If they ever did chuckle or guffaw, they’d probably crack themselves up!” The son pictured cabbages trying to keep straight faces while telling jokes to avoid cracking up. Now he understood why cabbages are such serious vegetables – they don’t want to literally crack themselves up into pieces!
47. Why was the zucchini acting so funny? It was just cucurbit-ing around!
A