55 Funny Post Office Jokes

Post Office Puns (15)

1. I wanted to mail my friend some pasta in Italy, but the post office said it wouldn’t deliver. I guess they don’t ship ravioli.
2. I asked the post office for a book of stamps with pictures of computers on them, but they said those are email stamps.
3. My friend got arrested for stealing letters from the post office. He’s facing some serious mail fraud charges.
4. I was going to mail my wedding invitations but the post office charged so much for stamps! I guess love letters aren’t cheap.
5. The post office in my town is so disorganized. They really need to get their mail sorted.
6. I bought a stamp with a picture of a boat on it yesterday. It was for my ship-to address.
7. I wanted to send my mom some homemade cookies but the post office said they don’t ship baked goods. Too bad, I was hoping to mail her my love.
8. I asked the postman why he was working during a blizzard. He said, “Neither snow nor rain nor heat nor gloom of night can stop the mail!”
9. Did you hear about the angry stamp collector who went ballistic at the post office? He really lost his postage.
10. My pen pal keeps asking me to send him pens through the mail. I guess he expects a letter and a pen pal.
11. I was going to dress up as a postman for Halloween but I figured it would just be a mail costume.
12. I bought special delivery stamps for an important package but they didn’t get it there any faster. I guess the mail service doesn’t deliver on its stamps.
13. I saw two post office trucks collide this morning. It was parcel to parcel combat.
14. My post office doesn’t have a 13th floor. They seem superstitious and afraid of the malevolence of maleficent mail.
15. The postman accused me of being a stamp thief! But I was framed!

Post Office One-Liners (10)

1. I told my friend how I feel about the post office and he said, “Oh I didn’t know you had such strong postal opinions!”
2. I was nervous about having to go to the post office, but then I remembered, “Don’t sweat the small mail stuff.”
3. My post office has valentines cards 50% off, it’s their half-mail sale!
4. I’m writing a song about waiting in line at the post office, it’s going to be called, “Stand By Mail.”
5. My friend got fired from the post office for opening people’s mail. They caught her red-handed!
6. After my 100th visit to the post office this month, the clerk said, “Well hello again, fancy seeing you here!”
7. I saw my postman slip on ice as he was delivering the mail. Special delivery pain!
8. I was offended when the post office wouldn’t ship my shipment of eggs. They said, “Sorry, we don’t deliver mail.”
9. I told myself no more trips to the post office this month, but I keep going back. I guess mail resolutions are made to be broken.
10. My post office has a sign that says, “Neither snow, nor rain, nor heat, nor gloom of night will prevent us opening at 10 AM.”

Best Post Office Jokes (15)

1. I went to the post office to ship a package and spent 15 minutes trying to carefully pack my items. The clerk took it, tossed it on a scale and then threw it as hard as he could into the bin behind him. I said, “Hey man, I spent a lot of time packing that!” He just shrugged and said, “Sorry, force of habit – I used to work at the airport.”

2. I was in line at the post office behind a guy who was mailing a package with Stripe, his pet snake inside. The clerk looked inside and said, “Sorry, we don’t ship reptiles.” The guy said, “That’s ridiculous! Snakes are harmless.” The clerk said, “Fine, then you hold the snake while I ship the box.”

3. An excited man bursts into the post office yelling, “I need 50 stamps pronto!” The clerk says, “Calm down sir, this isn’t the DMV.”

4. I was at the post office counter and asked the clerk, “Do you have any envelopes in taupe?” He gave me a confused look and said, “I have no idea what color taupe is, but if you hum a few bars I’ll see if we carry it.”

5. I saw my neighbor yelling at our postal worker, saying she was incompetent and slow. The postal worker shrugged and said, “Hey, I just work here!”

6. I was mailing a coconut to my friend in Hawaii and wanted to write “FRAGILE” on the box. The postal worker said, “Nah you’ll be fine, the coconut is already in its own natural packaging.”

7. I tried to send a pizza through the mail once. The post office said it was illegal to ship ready-made food. I shrugged and said, “Just slap a stamp on it, it’s a flat bread.”

8. I walked into the post office and the clerk said, “Welcome to the USPS!” I said, “Actually I’m just here to pick up a package.” He said, “Sorry force of habit… normally when someone walks in I have to greet them with ‘You’ve got mail!'”

9. I saw a guy at the post office counter swaying back and forth humming to himself as he mailed a package. I asked him, “Having fun?” He said, “Yeah, just mailing to the sound of music.”

10. I was in line behind an older man who was taking forever to mail a package. The clerk apologized and said, “I’m sorry about the long wait.” The old man laughed and said, “Don’t worry sonny, I’ve got all day – I retired from the post office!”

11. My friend got a job at the post office but got fired on the first day for throwing envelopes around. I said, “Wow, one day? That must be some kind of mail speed record!”

12. I saw my neighbor furiously attaching stamps all over a package he was mailing. I asked, “What are you doing?” He said, “It’s gotta get there overnight so I’m using overnight stamps!”

13. I shipped a crate of bananas to my friend’s house as a prank. He was furious when he got the “Yellow Package of Mystery” but I told him to chill out and make some banana bread.

14. I was in line at the post office and a guy cut in front saying, “I’m not getting any younger down here!” I handed him a bottle of wrinkle cream and said, “This oughta help.”

15. I saw a guy trying to ship a massive grand piano to his friend’s house as a birthday surprise. The post office clerk looked at him and said, “Sir, we can’t handle that kind of mail.”