Possum Puns
1. What do you call a possum who likes to hide? A sly opossum!
2. What did the possum say when he was caught stealing food? “I’m just o-playing possum!”
3. Why don’t possums make good lawyers? They play dead in the middle of a trial!
4. How do possums like to travel? By possum!
5. What do you call a possum who eats too much? A little pudgy possum!
6. Why are possums bad at hide and seek? They always play dead!
7. What do you call a grumpy possum? A pessimistic opossum!
8. Why shouldn’t you play cards with a possum? They always fold!
9. What do you call a possum who loves sweets? A sugar opossum!
10. Why don’t possums make good actors? They overplay every part!
11. How does a possum stay in shape? By doing o-possum-ups!
12. What do you call a possum who works out? A little body builder!
13. Why don’t possums go camping? They prefer room service!
14. What did the mama possum say to her kids? “Don’t you dare play dead in this house!”
15. What do you call a possum who loves Christmas? Fa-la-la-la Opossum!
16. Why can’t you take a possum bowling? Because they always get a gutter ball!
17. What do you call a possum in the winter? A snow opossum!
Possum One-Liners
1. I tried keeping a possum as a pet but it just played dead the whole time.
2. Possums may play dead, but they always seem to wake up when you shake the treat bag.
3. I was going to tell a joke about a possum, but it looks like it died on stage.
4. I saw a possum speed dating and it went really well until he played dead when someone tried to kiss him.
5. Did you hear about the depressed possum? He kept beating himself up over playing dead all the time.
6. I tried taking my possum to the movies but it immediately played dead as soon as the lights went down.
7. My possum got fired from his job as a bartender because he kept playing dead when customers ordered drinks.
8. I wanted to teach my possum to roll over but it just curled up and played dead instead.
9. Possums would make terrible lifeguards because they instinctively play dead when they see someone drowning.
10. I tried to take a yoga class with my possum but it immediately went into dead possum pose.
11. Never ask an opossum for directions, they’ll just pretend to be dead until you go away.
12. I asked my possum what its favorite movie was but it just played dead and ignored me.
13. Possums would make terrible therapists since they just play dead when you have problems to discuss.
14. I wanted to enter my possum in a race but it immediately played dead at the starting line.
15. Never tell knock-knock jokes to a possum, they’ll play dead before you can say “who’s there?”
16. I tried taking my possum trick-or-treating but it kept playing dead on every doorstep.
17. My possum failed out of medical school because it kept playing dead during cadaver dissection.
Best Possum Jokes
1. Why don’t possums make good stand up comedians? Because they die on stage!
A possum decided to try his hand at stand up comedy one open mic night. He took the stage and started delivering his best possum-themed jokes. But as soon as the spotlight hit him, he froze up and immediately played dead right there on the stage floor. The audience was not amused.
2. What do you get if you cross a possum with a cow? Dead milk and live ground beef.
This joke plays on how possums are known for playing dead, while cows are a key source of milk and beef. If you somehow managed to cross-breed a possum with a cow, you’d end up with a very strange hybrid animal that produced completely useless milk since the possum DNA would make it play dead. But then you’d also have beef that was bizarrely still alive due to the cow DNA. Quite the disturbing (yet admittedly hilarious) outcome!
3. Why don’t possums make good delivery drivers? They take everything literally dead on arrival!
Possums are infamous for playing dead whenever they feel threatened. So if you tried to employ a possum as a delivery driver, it would be problematic since they’d likely play dead as soon as someone came to the door. This would result in every package being considered “dead on arrival!” Not exactly an effective shipping service.
4. What’s a possum’s favorite kind of bread? Dead bread!
Since possums are well known for playing dead, it makes sense that a possum’s favorite bread would be of the deceased variety! Perfect for possum sandwiches or just nibbling on its own. Just be sure to check closely that your “dead bread” hasn’t actually gone moldy before serving it to possum guests.
5. Why did the possum get fired from the magic show? It kept playing dead when it was supposed to disappear!
A possum was hired to be the disappearing act in a magician’s show. But every time the magician tried to make it vanish in the big finale, the possum would just go limp and play dead on stage instead of actually disappearing. The magician had no choice but to fire the stubborn possum who refused to do the trick properly!
6. What do you call a possum that roams around Australia? A walkabout possum!
In Australia, a “walkabout” refers to a spiritual journey of self-discovery. Since possums are native to Australia, a possum wandering the Outback would be on its very own “walkabout” adventure! This joke plays on how the possum’s inclination to roam and explore new terrain parallels the deep personal quest symbolized by an Australian walkabout.
7. How does a possum try to get out of trouble? It just plays dead!
When confronted with a threat, possums will often instinctively play dead and hope the danger passes them by. So if a possum gets caught stealing food or crossing onto someone’s property, their first reaction is to immediately pretend to be deceased! This defense mechanism doesn’t work well on humans though, so the possum still ends up getting “caught playing possum.”
8. Why aren’t possums allowed in the circus? Because they refuse to play dead on cue!
Most possums have no problem pretending to be dead whenever they get nervous or threatened. But ironically, if you try to get them to play dead on command (say, for a circus routine), they will refuse to cooperate! I guess no one wants to feel like just another dead possum.
9. What do you call a possum who hangs around after a party? A dead beat!
In this play on words, a “deadbeat” refers to someone who lingers after they’re no longer welcome. Possums are known for playing dead anywhere they feel comfortable. So a possum continuing to “play dead” at a house after the party’s over would definitely qualify as an annoying deadbeat!
10. Why do possums make such great actors? Because they commit completely to every death scene!
Since possums are famous for convincingly playing dead, they would excel at any movie death scene. While human actors may hold back a bit, a possum never hesitates to give 110% to portraying a lifeless corpse. Their method acting abilities would surely win critical acclaim!
11. What do you call a possum who’s an expert on computers? A techopossum!
This silly pun combines “technology” and “opossum” to create the term “techopossum.” It implies this possum is a whiz when it comes to working with computers and other electronics. Beware though, he may still play dead if you ask him too many tech support questions!
12. Why don’t possums make good ghosts? Because they’re scared of playing dead!
Most possums are naturally inclined to “play dead” when frightened. But that instinct would make for a pretty boring ghost who just pretended to be deceased all the time. Real ghosts want to get in on the haunting action! So most possums probably avoid becoming supernatural spirits.
13. What’s a possum’s favorite arcade game? Play dead!
Since playing dead is a possum’s most notable talent, their favorite arcade game would surely be one that let them show off those skills. Maybe a game where you earn points for how still and lifeless you can remain? With enough practice, any possum could top the high score leaderboard!
14. Why did the possum cross the road? To play dead on the other side!
Like the classic “chicken crossing the road” joke, this one pokes fun at a possum’s inclination to play dead in any situation. It suggests the possum had no greater purpose in crossing the street other than finding a nice new spot to pretend to be a corpse for a while. Silly possum!
15. Why don’t possums make good singers? Because they immediately croak on stage!
Croaking is slang for dying. So this joke implies that possums aren’t well-suited to being musicians because they instinctively “croak” or play dead the moment they get on stage. Their musical career may be short-lived unless they can get over their stage fright!
16. What do you call a musician possum? Elvis Possumly!
This funny pun combines the name of music legend Elvis Presley with the word “possum” for a playful nickname. It imagines a world where the famous musician was not the King of Rock and Roll but rather a marsupial who still knew how to swivel his hips and sing a mean tune!
17. Why did the possum get kicked out of the theater? For dead-icating too loudly!
In this joke, the term “dead-icating” refers to a possum loudly vocalizing or hissing. Some species of possum make a screeching “hee-haw” sound when threatened. So if a possum in a movie theater started loudly “dead-icating” whenever scared by a movie, it would likely get kicked out for disrupting the film! Silly nervous possum!
