Porcupine Puns
1. I wanted to give my porcupine a hug, but I was worried he would be a little prickly about it.
2. My friend got quills stuck in his hand after trying to pet a porcupine. I told him he should have known better than to poke that bear!
3. I saw a porcupine crying and asked what was wrong. He said “I’m having a really bad quill day.”
4. Did you hear about the shy porcupine? He was a little prickly about meeting new people.
5. I accidentally sat on a porcupine’s quills yesterday. Boy was I feeling that sharp end of the stick.
6. I asked the porcupine if he wanted to grab lunch, but he just shrugged and said “Eh, whatever floats your quills.”
7. My friend called me a porcupine because of my spiky hair. I guess you could say I was quilled by that comment.
8. A baby porcupine asked his mom “Are my quills in yet?” She said “Quill see!”
9. Want to hear a quilly joke? What do you call a nervous porcupine? Prickly!
10. Two porcupines were hugging but they had to stop because it was just too prickly.
Porcupine One-Liners
11. I wouldn’t want to get a back rub from a porcupine – that would be scratching the surface!
12. Porcupines don’t throw very good parties – too many quills and not enough social skills!
13. Quit poking the porcupine, you’re going to piss it off! Those things are prickly by nature.
14. That porcupine on the roadside better watch out or it’s going to get flattened into roadkill pancake.
15. If porcupines could shoot their quills, I’d definitely want one on my dodgeball team!
16. I call my prickly friend Porcupen, the half porcupine half pen – don’t hug him though, it’s sure to leave a mark!
17. Porcupines mate for life because who else would want to hug a ball of needles everyday!
18. How do porcupines kiss? Very gingerly with the lips at a safe distance!
19. I’m declaring this off limits to porcupines – too many puncture wounds from those quills!
20. That porcupine better roll his quills up, he’s going to poke someone’s eye out!
Best Porcupine Jokes
21. What do you call a porcupine who does karate? A poke-a-cupine!
A porcupine wanted to learn karate to defend himself better with all those quills. He found a dojo to train at and introduced himself to the sensei. “Hello, I’m here to learn karate, I’m Pokey!” The sensei looked puzzled and replied, “You mean your name is Pokey?” “No,” said the porcupine, “that’s just my nickname, my full name is Porky Pineappleson.”
22. How do porcupines play leapfrog? Very carefully!
A group of porcupine kids were playing in the forest when they decided to play a game of leapfrog. Being young and reckless, the first porcupine jumped right over his friend, quills and all! The friend yelped in pain as the quills pricked him. The other porcupines looked on nervously, realizing they had to figure out how to play leapfrog more gently. After some trial and error, they figured out they could carefully jump over each other if they leaned way forward and kept their quills tucked in. Crisis averted, the porcupines were able to keep playing while being conscientious of their sharp quills.
23. Why don’t porcupines ever win staring contests? Because they are always quilling their eyes out!
A porcupine was bored one day so he went up to a raccoon and said “Let’s have a staring contest!” The raccoon agreed because he loved a good competition. They sat across from each other and started staring intensely into each other’s eyes. After just a few seconds, the porcupine started blinking uncontrollably and rubbing at his eyes. “Ah I can’t take it anymore!” he yelled. The raccoon smiled triumphantly and said “Ha! I win!” The porcupine sighed and said “Of course you did, it’s so hard for me to keep my eyes open with all these quills poking me in the face!” Next time, he would have to find a better contest to compete in against the wily raccoon.
24. Why are porcupines the worst dancers? They have two left feet!
It was the night of the forest dance, and all the animals were showing off their best moves on the dance floor. The porcupine eagerly joined in, but it quickly became apparent that he had a terrible case of two left feet. He kept stepping on his partner’s toes and struggling to find the rhythm. “Sorry!” said the porcupine as he accidentally poked his dance partner with his quills again. The other animals tried to help teach him to feel the beat by stomping their feet, but the porcupine was just a lost cause. Defeated, the porcupine hobbled off the dance floor and decided he was better off avoiding dances altogether in the future to avoid embarrassing himself. Some animals just aren’t born dancers!
25. Why did the porcupine cross the road? To see the chicken quill on the other side!
A porcupine was chilling by the side of the road when he suddenly had a craving for some chicken. “I could really go for some poultry right now,” he said to himself. Noticing some chickens pecking around on the other side of the road, the porcupine decided to cross over. Carefully weaving between traffic, the porcupine made it to the other side and waddled up to the chickens. “Hey ladies!” he said, “anyone willing to donate a quill for a hungry porcupine?” The chickens took one look at the porcupine’s sharp quills and ran away squawking. “So much for that idea,” sighed the disappointed porcupine, who then slowly crossed back over the road, still hungry for chicken.
26. What do you call a group of organized porcupines? Quilluminati.
Deep in the forest, a secret society of porcupines gathers every new moon to discuss their plans for world domination. Members greet each other by carefully high-fiving with their tails to avoid accidental quilling. The porcupines take their positions around the stone table, arranging their quills just so to display their rank in the group. When all are present, the Grand Pokey recites the solemn motto: “Our quills shall inherit the Earth.” The porcupines nod in solemn agreement. Before leaving, they prick their skin to seal a blood oath, vowing secrecy about the existence of the Quilluminati. Its influence silently spreads throughout porcupine society, as they quietly quill all naysayers into submission. Their quilly new world order is nigh.
27. Why don’t porcupines make good judges? They’re too quilling to punish!
The forest animals were gathered to hear the trial of the snake who had allegedly stolen porcupine quills. The jury consisted of rabbits, deer, bears and porcupines. As they deliberated the evidence, one thing became clear – every time it came to handing down a harsh sentence, the porcupine jury members got cold feet. “Jail seems a bit excessive…” said one porcupine. “Can’t we give him community service instead?” said another. When it was time to deliver the verdict, the lead porcupine judge gave the snake a warning and made him return the quills. The other animals glared at the judge, knowing if it had been one of them on trial the punishment would have been much worse. But the porcupines didn’t have the heart for anything prickly when it came to sentencing.
28. Why do porcupines make great doctors? They know how to handle pricks!
Porcupines have a natural talent for medicine. Their years of experience carefully maneuvering their own quills gives them steady hands and a gentle touch useful for surgery and injections. Porcupines love that their quills help put patients at ease instead of frightening them at the doctor’s office. Their excellent bedside quillner makes them perfect for dealing with difficult or prickly patients. With an innate understanding of how things can get under one’s skin, porcupine doctors have a great quill for diagnosing. While their fellow medical school students dread practicums involving needles, the porcupine students breeze through them effortlessly. Thanks to their prickly expertise, porcupines can handle any medical challenge that comes their quill.
29. How does a porcupine style his quills? With hedge trimmers!
Pierre the porcupine loved to keep his quills looking sharp. His morning routine always included time for careful quill grooming. He would scrutinize each quill in the mirror, turning this way and that, to check for any that were getting too long or were bent out of shape. When he spotted some rogue quills needing trimming, Pierre would reach for his mini hedge trimmers and expertly snip them down to size. His friends often teased him for how vain he was about his quills, but Pierre didn’t mind. He knew having well-coiffed quills was the secret to being the most prickly and precise porcupine he could be. Looking pristine with neatly preened quills made Pierre feel primed to take on the day ahead.
30. Why are porcupines so bad at counting? They always lose quill!
Poor Porky the porcupine was struggling in his math class. Numbers confused him at the best of times, but he really hit a wall when the teacher started going over subtraction. As the teacher explained borrowing to find the difference, Porky’s mind drifted to thoughts of tasty grubs. Suddenly, the teacher called on Porky, asking him to come up to the board and show the class how to subtract 27 quills from 54 quills. Porky nervously tottered up to the board with his quill in hand. But as soon as he tried to focus on the numbers, his mind went blank. All he could picture were his own quills. Porky stared helplessly at the math problem until the teacher gently guided him through it, knowing her student’s quill for numbers was still developing.