Pencil Puns (10)
- What do you call a pencil that ran out of lead? Pointless.
- Why was the pencil sad after getting sharpened? It lost its point.
- I tried to write with a broken pencil but it was pointless.
- My pencil keeps breaking when I sharpen it. I guess it has a short point span.
- Did you hear about the new restaurant called The Pencil Box? Their specialties are lead sandwiches and wood chips!
- I entered my pencil in a beauty contest. It drew a lot of looks but didn’t win. It needed more lead in its point.
- Pencils that get dull have lost their point in life.
- Never fall asleep with pencils in your hand, it’ll lead to drawling.
- The pencil couldn’t decide if it wanted to stay wooden or become lead. It was having an identity crisis and just couldn’t figure out its point.
- I bought a pencil today, but when I got home I realized there was no point.
Pencil One-Liners (10)
- My pencil and I have a love-hate relationship—I love that it writes, and it hates when I misspell words.
- I’m convinced my pencils are shrinking—they seem shorter than when I bought them!
- Does anyone else name their favorite pencils or is that just me?
- No matter how many pencils I buy, I can never seem to find one when I need to write something down.
- I don’t know who needs to hear this, but please stop chewing on your pencils!
- Whoever invented mechanical pencils was a real innovator.
- Am I the only one who gets irrationally angry when my pencil lead breaks?
- Why do pencils always break at the worst possible time?
- You know it’s time to sharpen your pencil when there’s no point left.
- I swear pencils have minds of their own and like to roll off tables and disappear.
Best Pencil Jokes (12)
1. A man walked into a bookstore looking for a book about pencils. The bookseller said, “I have just the book for you! It has drama, mystery, romance, and even some comedy.” The man replied, “That’s impossible, how can a book about pencils be so exciting?” The bookseller said, “It’s a real page-turner!”
2. What did the pencil say to the other pencil? I really enjoy your company but you’re just my type!
3. A woman was frustrated trying to write a letter with her dull pencil. She yelled to her husband in the other room, “I really need to sharpen this pencil!” He replied, “Sorry honey but you’ll have to do it yourself, I’ve already got my hands full!” The wife shouted back, “Doing what?!” The husband said, “I’m writing with your lipstick!”
4. A man walks into an art gallery and asks if they have any pencil drawings. The attendant says, “I’m sure we can draw something up for you!”
5. My friend bet me $5 I couldn’t write a story only using a pencil. I said you’re on! But now I realize there’s no point.
6. A police officer caught two kids stealing pencils from the store. They got arrested for armed robbery.
7. Why don’t pencils ever get lonely? Because they always have company at the point!
8. I was shocked when I found out my pencil could talk! When I erased its words though, it made no point.
9. What did the pencil say to the sharpener? You really make my point!
10. Why did the pencil cross the road first? To make a point!
11. I used to chew on my pencils all the time in school. My teacher would always yell, “Stop chewing on your pencil!” But I couldn’t help it, the lead was so delicious.
12. Yesterday I accidentally sat on a pencil and got lead poisoning. Now I’m worried about my pencil-litic shock syndrome.