Parrot Puns
1. Why was the parrot wearing camouflage? He didn’t want to be spotted!
2. What do you call a parrot that flew away? A polygone!
3. Why don’t parrots ever get hungry? Because they can always find a cracker!
4. How does a parrot surf the internet? They use their poly search engine!
5. What do you call a parrot who loves watching documentaries? A bird brain!
6. Why did the parrot wear a rain jacket? He wanted to avoid the wet feather forecast!
7. Why can’t you take parrots to court? Because they give hearsay evidence!
8. Why did the parrot make a great wedding DJ? He had a killer birdlist for the reception!
9. What do you call a psychic parrot? A fortune teller!
10. How do parrots pay for things? By using their birdcards!
Parrot One-Liners
11. I taught my parrot to say, “I need a cracker,” but now he just says it over and over again. It’s getting pretty annoying.
12. My parrot escaped yesterday and got on the local news. Now he’s a reporter.
13. I asked my parrot what he wanted for dinner and he said, “Polly wants a quacker!”
14. The vet said my parrot has a severe case of “fowl” language.
15. My friend’s parrot flew away. Now he’s grounded.
16. I took my parrot to Starbucks. Now he orders “Polly-ccinos.”
17. My parrot loves dancing to soul music. I guess you could say he’s got rhythm and blue feathers.
18. My parrot is bilingual. He speaks English and bird.
19. I tried to teach my parrot Spanish, but now he just says “¿Donde estan mis crackers?”
20. I painted my parrot’s nails different colors. Now he’s a polydactyl.
Best Parrot Jokes
21. A man walked into a pet shop one day and said to the owner, “I need a parrot that can speak Thai and understand English. Do you have one?” The owner said, “No, I don’t have one that speaks Thai. But I do have a parrot that understands English.”
The man was surprised. “You have a parrot that understands English?” he asked. The owner replied, “Yes, this parrot understands English. Here, I’ll prove it to you.”
So the owner called to the parrot and said, “Will you dance?” And the parrot started dancing. Then the owner asked, “Can you sing the Thai national anthem?” And the parrot sang the Thai national anthem in perfect Thai.
The man was amazed and said, “This is incredible! But where did you get a parrot that can sing the Thai national anthem in Thai?”
The parrot replied, “I’m from Thailand!”
22. A man was walking down the street when he spotted a parrot sitting outside a pet store. The parrot said to him, “Hey mister, wanna buy me? I’m a great companion.”
The man was amused and asked, “Why would I want to buy a talking parrot?”
The parrot replied, “Well, I know over 100 words, and I always tell the truth.”
The man thought that was pretty cool and decided he could use an honest companion. So he bought the parrot and took him home.
Later that day the man’s wife came home and saw the parrot. “Where did you get that bird?” she asked her husband.
The parrot said, “He bought me at the pet store downtown.”
Then the man’s teenage daughter walked in and saw the parrot. “What a cool parrot! Can he talk?” she asked.
“Of course I can talk!” the parrot replied. “And boy are you ever getting fat!”
The man was shocked and told the parrot, “Hey, I thought you said you always tell the truth!”
The parrot replied, “I do! But sometimes the truth hurts!”
23. A woman went to a pet shop and immediately spotted a large, beautiful parrot. There was a sign on the cage that said $50 for the bird. “Why so little?” she asked the pet store owner.
The owner looked around and whispered quietly, “Because I need to get rid of him. He used to live in a brothel and as you can imagine, he says quite a few vulgar things.”
The woman thought about this, but decided she had to have the beautiful bird. She took him home and hung his cage up in the living room. The bird looked around and said, “New madam, new house.” The woman giggled thinking it was cute.
Later when her two teenage daughters returned from school, the bird spotted them and said, “New girls, new girls!” The woman turned red but chalked it up to the parrot’s past.
Then her husband came home and as soon as the bird saw him he squawked, “Hi Kurt!”
24. A young man named John received a parrot as a gift. The parrot had a bad attitude and an even worse vocabulary. Every word out of the bird’s mouth was rude, obnoxious, and laced with profanity. John tried and tried to change the bird’s behavior by consistently saying only polite words, playing soft music and anything else he could think of to clean up the bird’s vocabulary. Finally, John was fed up and he yelled at the parrot. The parrot yelled back. John shook the parrot and the parrot got angrier and even more rude. John, in desperation, threw up his hand, grabbed the bird and put him in the freezer. For a few minutes the parrot squawked and kicked and screamed. Then suddenly there was total quiet. Not a peep was heard for over a minute. Fearing that he’d hurt the parrot, John quickly opened the door to the freezer. The parrot calmly stepped out onto John’s outstretched arms and said “I believe I may have offended you with my rude language and actions. I’m sincerely remorseful for my inappropriate transgressions and I fully intend to do everything I can to correct my rude and unforgivable behavior.”
John was stunned at the change in the bird’s attitude. As he was about to ask the parrot what had made such a dramatic change in his behavior, the bird continued, “May I ask what the turkey did?”
25. A man goes into a pet shop looking to buy a parrot. The shopkeeper brings out a bird and says, “This parrot will cost you $50.”
The man is shocked. “Why on earth does he cost so much?”
The shopkeeper replies, “Well, he used to work for a towing company.”
Intrigued, the man pays for the parrot and takes him home. Once home, the man says to the parrot, “So you used to work for a tow truck company?”
“That’s right,” says the parrot.
“And what exactly did you do there?” the man asks.
The parrot replies, “I used to go up and down shouting ‘We’re gonna tow ya, we’re gonna tow ya!'”
26. An owner of a pet parrot was trying to teach it some new words and phrases. He held up an orange and slowly said to the parrot “Orrrrange…can you say orrrrange?” The parrot stared at him. He tried again, “Orrrrrange. Say orrrrrange!” The parrot just blinked.
Then the man’s cell phone rang. He answered it and had a brief conversation: “Hello? Oh hi honey, I’m just trying to teach the parrot some new words. Ok, see you soon. Love you, bye.”
He hung up and suddenly the parrot squawked, “Hi honey, I’m just trying to teach the parrot some new words. Ok, see you soon. Love you, bye!”
The man stared in shock, then said “You’ve heard me talk on the phone before. Why didn’t you learn any of those words?”
The parrot replied, “I don’t know, I guess it just didn’t ring a bell.”
27. A young man named David was traveling abroad when he came across a small antique shop. Inside he found a dusty old parrot in a cage. “I’ll take the parrot,” said David to the shopkeeper.
“Are you sure?” said the shopkeeper. “This parrot doesn’t say a word.”
“That’s okay,” said David, “the parrot will have a companion in me.”
Several years later David met a woman and fell in love. They got married and on their wedding night, the parrot saw them enter the bedroom and spoke his first words: “New bird, who dis?”
David laughed nervously and said, “Ignore him, dear, he’s just being a parrot.”
But the parrot kept it up all night, saying things like, “Pretty bird!” and wolf whistling every time David’s new wife walked by.
Finally David had enough. He grabbed the bird, opened the window and hurled him into the night, yelling “And stay out!”
His wife was horrified. “What did you do that for?”
David shrugged. “I guess I just wanted a little parrot privacy.”
28. A woman went to visit a friend who had bought a new parrot. As she walked in, the parrot said, “Hey cutie, wanna come sit on my perch?”
The woman was surprised at how friendly the parrot seemed. A few minutes later the friend came into the room and the parrot said, “Hey gorgeous! You look great today.”
The friend said, “Oh he always compliments me, he’s such a charmer.”
When the friend’s husband came home from work, the parrot said, “Hey buddy, how was work today?”
As the woman watched all of this, she thought the parrot must have come from a particularly warm and loving family.
Later, she asked her friend, “Where did you get such a polite parrot?”
The friend explained, “It was really weird – I bought him at an auction sale at a local convent.”
“Wow,” said the first woman, “what was he saying at the convent?”
The parrot responded, “I gotta get out of here, I gotta get out of here!”
29. Why don’t parrots ever make prank phone calls? Because they always give themselves away by saying “Polly wanna cracker!”
30. Did you hear about the parrot who flew away south for the winter? It was a migratory poly!
31. What do you call a frozen parrot? A poly-sicle!
32. Why did the parrot put sugar under his pillow before bed? Because he wanted sweet dreams!
