64 Funny Paint Jokes

Paint Puns

1. What kind of paint covers your face? Make-up!
2. I wanted to paint my bedroom but couldn’t decide on a color. It was a real pigment of my imagination.
3. Did you hear about the can of paint that got arrested? It was charged with a salt and battery.
4. Why are painters so messy? They’re always brushing up against things.
5. My friend got mad when I accidentally got paint on his favorite shirt. I told him to dye-lax, it’ll come out in the wash.
6. I heard that Sherwin-Williams is coming out with a new paint color called Blush. It’s made specifically for painting cheeks.
7. Did you hear about the painter who fell off a 50-foot ladder? Don’t worry, he’s alright. He was using Valspar.
8. I wanted to become a painter but I wasn’t artistic enough. So I decided to draw the line.
9. Did you hear about the angry painter? He had a major chip on his palette.
10. My friend asked to borrow my paint sprayer. I said, “Sure, you can lacquer any time!”

Paint One-Liners

11. I’m on a seafood diet—I see food and I paint it.
12. Artist: “I’m selling my painting for $10,000.” Customer: “That’s a lot for some paint on a canvas.” Artist: “Yeah, but it’s the canvas that’s expensive, the paint was free.”
13. My wife told me to stop singing “I’m a Little Teapot” while I paint the house. I told her she was wrong to try and stifle my artistic outlet.
14. I accidentally got paint in my hair while remodeling. My wife said I’m officially a “dye-it-yourselfer” now.
15. I was going to make a joke about artists, but I didn’t have the right color palette.
16. There’s a fine line between painting the town red and seeing red over a bad paint job.
17. They say the hand that rocks the cradle rules the world, but the hand that holds the paintbrush decorates it.
18. I bought this great new paint that you can watch dry. It’s riveting!
19. My painting of a dog just sold for $1000! I’m gonna be a pet portrait artist and paint cats and dogs all day. My wife asked how I plan to make a living off that. I said: “Trust me, it will work. I’ll just paws when I need a break.”
20. Painting tip: start by sketching an outline in chalk, then fill it in with acrylics or oils. Unless it’s your neighbor’s car, then use spray paint.

Best Paint Jokes

21. A kindergarten class decided to paint pictures of their favorite animals and hang them on the bulletin board. The teacher was impressed by the creativity she saw, except for little Johnny’s picture which was just a green blob. “What’s this supposed to be?” she asked. Johnny replied: “It’s a frog after you paint it green.”
22. An artist had been working on a large painting for weeks but was stuck on how to finish it. His friend looked at the canvas and said “I think what this painting needs is a splash of orange.” The artist thought about this for a moment, then picked up a bucket of orange paint and threw it wildly at the canvas. He stood back and said to his friend “You’re right, that definitely does add more depth and contrast.” His friend looked shocked and said “I meant add more orange paint to the picture!”
23. Sherwin-Williams was forced to discontinue their popular “Toddler” paint color when they discovered it was made by crushing up crayons and mixing them with Elmer’s glue.
24. A kindergarten teacher gave her class paper and crayons and asked them to draw a picture of something that made them really happy. All the kids got busy drawing except for little Timmy who just sat there looking frustrated. The teacher asked what was wrong. Timmy said “I want to draw a picture of God but I can’t because no one knows what he looks like.” The teacher smiled and said “Timmy, that’s okay, why don’t you just draw a picture of something that reminds you of God.” Timmy thought for a minute then picked up his crayons and started drawing. He worked intently, with his tongue between his teeth in deep concentration. Finally he held up his picture and showed it to the teacher. She looked at it confused and said “Wow Timmy, that’s very nice, but what is it supposed to be?” Timmy smiled proudly and said “It’s a picture of my neighbor mowing his lawn on Sunday morning.”
25. An artist was commissioned to paint a mural on the wall of the local post office. He came up with a patriotic design featuring a giant bald eagle in the center. After finishing the mural, he stepped back to admire his work. Just then the postmaster walked up and studied the painting for a moment. “That eagle is very nice.” he said. “Just one thing – aren’t bald eagles’ heads white?” The artist slapped his forehead. “Darn it!” he exclaimed. “I knew I should have used an extra coat of paint!”
26. A man walked into an art gallery and began gazing at the paintings. One abstract piece caught his eye, which was just a plain white canvas with a single black dot in the center. He looked at the name plate and saw it was titled “Moon Over Miami” by an artist named Julius Payne. The man found a gallery attendant and said “This painting is just a white canvas with a black dot. How in the world is that supposed to be the moon over Miami?” The attendant replied “Sir, if you stand just right here and squint your eyes just so…it looks EXACTLY like the moon over Miami!”
27. Little Billy came home crying from school one day. When his mother asked what happened, he said that his class had been drawing family portraits and all of the other kids had drawn really nice pictures of their families. But Billy said he drew a picture of his family and the teacher said he did it wrong, because they were all different colors. The mom looked confused and asked him to explain. Billy sniffled and said “Well in the picture, I drew Dad in brown paint, Mom in beige paint, my sister in tan paint, and me in black paint.” The mother hugged him and said “But Billy, those colors sound right, why did the teacher say it was wrong?” Billy replied “Because the paints were flesh, peach, nude, and burnt umber.”
28. An art collector walked into an art gallery and asked the owner if he had any new paintings for sale. The owner said “As a matter of fact, we just got three new paintings in by a promising young artist.” He directed the collector over to the first painting, a picture of a bowl of fruit. “We’re asking $200 for this still life.” Next was a landscape, with sandy dunes and waves crashing on a beach. “Here’s a nice seascape, priced at $400.” Finally they came to the last painting, which was just a plain white canvas. The owner said “And this modern piece is priced at $800.” The collector looked puzzled and said “but it’s just a white canvas, there’s no paint on it at all!” The owner smiled and said “Yes but if you look closely, you can see where the artist almost painted something.”
29. Little Johnny was busy drawing a picture during art class. The teacher walked by and saw that he was just coloring his paper black. “What are you drawing Johnny?” she asked. “I’m drawing a picture of my pop holding a black cat in the middle of the night” Johnny replied. The teacher said “But Johnny, your paper is just all black, I can’t see anything.” Johnny looked up with a confused expression and said “Well duh, it’s because it’s in the middle of the night!”
30. A man hired an artist to paint a portrait of his family. A week later the artist unveiled the finished work. The man’s wife was beaming, and his kids looked excited, but the man had a disappointed expression on his face. The artist asked if he didn’t like the painting. The man sighed and said “it’s not the portrait, you did a fantastic job capturing the likeness of my whole family. It’s just that when you painted this, I was still employed.”
31. I took my 8-year old niece to the art museum last week. Looking at a modern abstract sculpture, she whispered “I could have made that.” I smiled proudly and said “you will sweetie, you will.” Then we were ushered out of the museum.