Ostrich Puns (10)
1. I wanted to make an ostrich sandwich, but I couldn’t find the breaded.
2. The ostrich was feeling down, so I tried to ostrich-size him up.
3. The ostrich was acting paranoid. I told him to stop being so ostrich-cious.
4. I saw an ostrich at the gym. He was really working his tail feathers off.
5. I saw two ostriches dancing together. It was nice to see them ostrich-izing.
6. The ostrich entered a pie eating contest. He was the favorite to win because he had the biggest peck.
7. I saw an ostrich at church. I didn’t know he was so ostrich-odox.
8. The ostrich was feeling cold. I told him to put his head in a sweater to ostrich-late.
9. The ostrich was feeling adventurous, so he decided to go ostrich-sea.
10. I saw an ostrich reading a dictionary. He was really expanding his ostrich-abulary.
Ostrich One-Liners (10)
11. I was going to tell an ostrich joke, but it ran away before I could finish.
12. What do you call an ostrich that crossed the road? An ostrich that crossed the road.
13. Why don’t ostriches fly south for the winter? Because it’s too far on foot.
14. How do ostriches greet each other? With a peck on the cheek.
15. Why did the ostrich bury his head in the sand? He wanted to practice social distancing.
16. How does an ostrich cook his eggs? He poaches them.
17. What do you call an ostrich who does magic? Houdini-chick.
18. Why don’t ostriches like hip hop music? They prefer R&B.
19. Why can’t ostriches play basketball? They can’t dribble.
20. What do you call an ostrich who’s also a doctor? Dr. Ostrich.
Best Ostrich Jokes (7)
21. An ostrich walked into a bar and ordered a beer. The bartender said, “We don’t serve ostriches here.” The ostrich replied, “That’s ok, I don’t come here that often.”
22. What do you call an ostrich that lays square eggs? An eggstrich!
An ostrich farmer was frustrated that his ostriches weren’t producing any eggs. He went to the local university to ask if there was an expert on ostriches he could consult. The staff pointed him to Professor O’Strich, the leading ostrich expert. The farmer went to Professor O’Strich’s office and explained his problem. Professor O’Strich listened carefully and said, “Hmm, interesting. Let me think about this and I’ll get back to you.” A few days later, Professor O’Strich called the farmer and said, “I have a solution. Here’s what you need to do…” The farmer thanked the professor profusely and hung up, excited to try the expert advice. Sure enough, a few weeks later, the ostriches started laying eggs again! When the farmer saw Professor O’Strich in town, he rushed over to thank him. “Your technique worked perfectly! I can’t thank you enough. By the way, what was your advice?” Professor O’Strich smiled and said, “Oh, it was simple. I just told you to increase their eggstreme activities.”
23. Why don’t ostriches live in Antarctica? Because it’s too cold-chested for them!
Two ostriches were ice fishing in Antarctica. One turned to the other and said, “It sure is cold today!” The other ostrich replied, “I know, I should have worn a coat with down feathers!” Suddenly, a loud cracking noise erupted beneath their feet. The ice was breaking up! The two ostriches ran as fast as they could, trying to make it back to shore. Once they were safely on land, they looked back at the frigid water. “Phew, that was a close one!” said the first ostrich. “Good thing ostriches don’t have cold feet!” laughed the second.
24. What kind of grades does an ostrich get in school? Eggs!
Little Ollie the ostrich was waiting nervously for his report card. When his teacher handed him the envelope, he rushed home and anxiously opened it. His grades were all top marks – A’s across the board! Ollie was so excited that he ran to show his parents. “Mom, Dad! I got all eggs on my report card!” he shouted eagerly. His parents looked confused for a moment, then smiled when they realized he meant all A’s. They were so proud of their little ostrich getting such excellent grades. Ollie celebrated by doing a fun ostrich dance, kicking his legs and flapping his wings happily. Getting straight A’s was eggcellent!
25. Why don’t ostriches write very much? Because their pecking skills aren’t very good!
Oliver the ostrich loved to write stories. He would spend hours working on his ostrich novels. But he could never seem to finish any of them. His friend Lemmy the lemur noticed Oliver struggling with his latest story. “What’s wrong, Oliver? Writer’s block again?” asked Lemmy. “No, it’s my pecking! I can’t peck the keys fast enough to get all my ideas down,” complained Oliver. “I wish my pecking skills were as good as my running skills.” Lemmy patted the frustrated ostrich on the back. “Don’t worry, you’ll get there. Just start pecking away at that story little by little. I know you’ll hatch some great tales soon!” Oliver smiled, picked up his ostrich-sized pencil, and started pecking away on the keyboard once more.
26. Why did the ostrich cross the road twice? To prove he wasn’t a chicken!
Bradley the ostrich was hanging out with his friend Chloe the chicken. Chloe was daring Bradley to cross the busy road nearby. “Come on, just cross it once and you’ll prove you’re no chicken!” teased Chloe. Bradley shook his head nervously. He didn’t want to risk getting hit by a car. “Bawk bawk!” taunted Chloe. “Too chicken to try it?” Bradley ruffled his feathers. “I’m no chicken!” he said indignantly. He marched over to the road and crossed it once without incident. He walked back over to Chloe on the other side. “There! I did it once!” Chloe laughed scornfully. “Big deal! Crossing once doesn’t prove anything. Cross it again!” Bradley thought for a minute. Then he proudly walked across the road a second time. He held his head up high and said “Ha! I crossed twice! Chickens only cross once!” After that, Chloe never called him chicken again.
27. Why don’t ostriches like KFC restaurants? Because they don’t want to end up as fast food!
Ollie the ostrich was new in town. He asked his friend Horace the hippo where they could grab a bite to eat. “There’s a great new KFC on the corner. Let’s go there!” said Horace. Ollie’s eyes widened in fear. “Uh, anywhere but there!” he said nervously. “Why not?” asked Horace, confused. Ollie explained: “Because I’m an ostrich – if I go to KFC they’ll think I want to end up as fast food! Couldn’t we just get Subway instead?” Horace slapped his forehead. “Oh right, of course! Silly me. Subway it is.” Ollie breathed a sigh of relief as they walked to the sandwich shop. He was glad he wouldn’t wind up as a crispy fried ostrich on the KFC menu! From then on, Ollie suggested they steer clear of certain fast food joints for the sake of self-preservation.