Nose Puns
1. I was feeling a little stuffy, so I decided to pick my nose.
2. My nose is so big, it has its own area code.
3. I tried to catch fog yesterday, but I mist.
4. My nose is so big, it gets home 15 minutes before I do.
5. Did you hear about the angry pancake? It just flipped out.
6. My nose is so big, it has a separate passport.
7. I’m thinking of getting my nose pierced, but I don’t have the nostrils for it.
8. I was feeling a little congested, so I called a plumber to fix my nose drain.
9. My nose is so big, it has to register with the FAA before take-off.
10. Did you hear about the classified ad for a nose model? It was very hush-hush.
11. I tried to lick my nose but couldn’t quite reach it. Guess my tongue fell short.
12. My nose is so big, it bumps into walls before I do.
13. Did you hear about the astronaut whose nose kept floating off in space? NASA had to strap it down before launch.
14. I wanted a nose ring, but the guy at the jewelry store told me they were sold out. No bull.
15. Did you hear about the nose with seasonal allergies? It was constantly running during spring.
Nose One-Liners
16. My nose is so big, it plays Marco Polo all by itself.
17. My nose is so bright, Rudolph borrows its glow during Christmas.
18. My nose is so pointy, it could pop a balloon.
19. My nose is so stuffy, it makes me talk funny.
20. My nose is so runny, it should train for a marathon.
21. My nose is so red, stop signs are jealous.
22. My nose is so long, I can smell tomorrow’s dinner.
23. My nose is so big, it has a fan club.
24. My nose is so sharp, it can cut glass.
25. My nose is so crooked, it jaywalks without looking.
26. My nose is so huge, it has its own weather patterns.
27. My nose is so massive, it has multiple zip codes.
28. My nose is so large, it’s easier to travel by camel through it.
29. My nose is so oily, fast food restaurants want to fry food in it.
30. My nose is so stuffed, it makes a comfy pillow.
31. My nose is so uneven, it’s on rollercoaster rides all day.
Best Nose Jokes
32. Did you hear about the thief who got trapped inside the museum after hours? He couldn’t find his way out without a compass, and had to call the guards to nose him in the right direction.
33. Why was Pinocchio always congested? Because his nose was made of wood!
34. Did you hear about the guy whose nose was stolen? The police caught the thief red-handed and charged him with robbery on the schnoz.
35. What do Alexander the Great and Rudolph the Red-Nosed Reindeer have in common? They both went down in history!
36. Why are noses like test pilots? Because they’re always first in the face!
37. What do you call two noses that collide? A nose-to-nose encounter!
38. Why don’t sharks attack lawyers? Professional courtesy.
39. What did the nose say to the hand? Quit hitting yourself!
40. How does Moses make tea? Hebrews it.
41. Did you hear about the optometrist who fell into the lens grinder? He made a spectacle of himself.
42. What did one wall say to the other? I’ll meet you at the corner.
43. What sits at the bottom of the sea and twitches? A nervous wreck.
44. Did you hear about the claustrophobic astronaut? He just wanted a little space.
45. Why can’t a bicycle stand on its own? Because it’s two-tired.
46. How do you organize an outer space party? You planet.
47. Why did the tomato turn red? Because it saw the salad dressing!
48. What kind of award did the dentist receive? A little plaque.
49. I tried to catch some fog earlier. I mist.
50. What do you call a dog magician? A labracadabrador.
51. Why can’t bicycles stand up on their own? Because they’re two tired.
52. What did one ocean say to the other ocean? Nothing, they just waved.
53. Why do bees have sticky hair? Because they use honeycombs!
54. Why don’t eggs tell jokes? They’d crack each other up.
55. Did you hear about the cheese factory that exploded in France? There was nothing left but de Brie.
56. How do trees access the internet? They log on.
57. What do you call a fake noodle? An impasta.
58. Did you hear about the restaurant on the moon? Great food, no atmosphere.
59. What do you call a bear with no teeth? A gummy bear.
60. Why did the picture go to jail? Because it was framed.
61. What do you call a belt made out of watches? A waist of time.
62. Why did the scarecrow get promoted? Because he was outstanding in his field.
63. I wasn’t originally going to get a brain transplant, but then I changed my mind.
64. I couldn’t figure out how to fasten my seatbelt. Then it clicked.
