No Arms No Legs Puns (15)
1. I once knew a man with no arms and no legs who got a job at IHOP. He was the best pancake flipper they ever had!
2. My friend with no limbs loves playing Scrabble but he’s not very good at it. He just can’t get a hand on all the pieces.
3. I tried to teach a man with no arms and legs how to swim, but he just couldn’t get his arms and legs around it.
4. Did you hear about the woman with no arms and legs who won the Olympic swimming competition? She was outstanding in her field.
5. I used to date a girl with no arms and legs. In the end, I had to break it off – she was getting too clingy.
6. A man with no arms and legs was struggling to find work. Eventually he got hired by a brewery to be one of their hops.
7. My friend with no limbs owns a sausage company. He’s the CEO, CFO, and Master of the Bratwurst Ceremonies.
8. Did you hear about the armless, legless man who solved a thousand piece jigsaw puzzle? He did it all on his own.
9. Why don’t people with no arms and legs bungee jump? It just wouldn’t be a stretch for them.
10. What do you call an armless, legless man floating in the ocean? Bob.
11. Did you hear about the armless, legless man who robbed a bank? Don’t worry, he didn’t get away with it.
12. Why don’t armless, legless people waterski? They just can’t get up on one ski.
13. What do you call a dog with no legs? It doesn’t matter, he’s not gonna come anyway.
14. I once knew a man with no arms or legs who became a radio DJ. He was known for always being on the air.
15. What do you call someone with no body and no nose? Nobody knows!
No Arms No Legs One-liners (15)
16. I don’t trust those stairlifts…they’re always up to something.
17. I used to date a girl with no arms and no legs, but I broke up with her because she was dishonest – she was seeing someone on the side.
18. What do you call a deer with no legs or eyes? Still no eye deer.
19. I once met an armless, legless man who said he was a feet and inches kind of guy.
20. What do you call a man with no arms and legs waterskiing? Skip.
21. My friend got into a fight with an armless, legless man. You should have seen them going at it tooth and nail.
22. What do you call a dog with no legs? Doesn’t matter, he’s not going to come anyway.
23. I once knew a man with no arms or legs who worked as a bell ringer. People said he was outstanding in his field.
24. What do you call a man with no arms and legs lying in front of your door? Matt.
25. What do you call an armless legless man in a pile of leaves? Russell.
26. Did you hear about the armless, legless man who escaped from prison? Yeah, he’s still on the run.
27. My friend got in a fight with an armless, legless man. He said it was like fighting with one hand tied behind his back.
28. What do you call a deer with no eyes and no legs? Still no idea.
29. Did you hear about the armless legless man who won the swimming race? He was outstanding in his field.
30. What do you call a man with no arms and no legs water skiing? Skip!
Best No Arms No Legs Jokes (45)
31. A man with no arms and legs is sitting on the beach when a beautiful woman walks past. He looks up at her and says “Excuse me miss, could you do me a favor and throw me into the ocean?”
She hesitates but wants to help so she picks him up and throws him into the ocean. He floats back to shore and looks up at her again. “Could you do me another favor and throw me even further into the ocean this time?”
Again, she picks him up and throws him way out into the ocean. He floats all the way back and says “Just one more time, throw me as far out as you can.”
So she picks him up one more time and throws him as hard as she can.
He floats all the way back and looks up at her. “Thank you so much for doing that. I’m just so wet and sandy, but I can’t wipe myself off.”
32. A man with no arms and legs is looking for a job. He goes to the local warehouse and says to the manager “Are you hiring?”
The manager takes one look at him and says “Sorry, but you just wouldn’t fit in here.”
To which the man replies “That’s okay, I can start right away!”
33. A armless, legless man goes into a pet shop and asks for 12 bees. The clerk counts out 12 bees and puts them in a box.
“That’s 11 bees,” says the man. The clerk counts again and confirms there are 12 bees in the box.
“I’m telling you there are only 11 bees in that box,” insists the man.
The clerk has an idea. He takes the bees out of the box and counts them one by one, right in front of the man with no arms or legs.
There are in fact 12 bees in the box. Exasperated, the clerk asks “What is wrong with you?! Why do you keep saying there are only 11 bees when I am clearly counting 12 bees right in front of you?!”
The armless, legless man looks at him and says “Oh I’m sorry, I just counted wrong.”
34. A man with no arms and legs rolls himself into a restaurant. The maître d’ looks down and says “Good evening, sir. Table for one?”
The man replies “No thanks, I’ll just eat here at the bar.”
35. A man with no arms and legs wanted to learn how to surf. When his friends asked him how his first surfing lesson went, he said, “It was totally rad dude! But I can’t wait to get back out on the waves – I really wanna hang ten!”
36. A armless, legless man is sitting on the sidewalk begging for money. A guy walks by and drops a $20 bill into his hat.
The armless, legless man looks up and says “You know, I’m not actually disabled. I’m just lazy and don’t feel like working.”
The guy kneels down, takes back his $20 and says, “God I hate liars. Here’s another $50 for being honest.”
37. Why don’t armless, legless people go bungee jumping? It’s just not a stretch for them.
38. What has no arms, no legs and shakes a lot? A phone vibrating across a table.
39. How does an armless, legless person call you? On the phone.
40. What do you call a deer with no eyes and no legs? Still no idea!
41. Why don’t people without arms and legs take photos? They just can’t capture the moment.
42. I once knew a man with no arms and legs who became a famous comedian. He just kept rolling out new material.
43. What do you call a dog with no legs? Doesn’t matter what you call him, he ain’t gonna come.
44. Why don’t armless, legless people ever win at tennis? They lack follow-through.
45. What do you call someone with no body and no nose? Nobody knows!
46. I once knew a man with no arms and legs who got a job testing tea bags. He was an expert in his field but couldn’t dunk for his life.
47. Did you hear about the armless, legless man who escaped from prison? Yeah, he’s still on the run.
48. Why don’t people without arms and legs make good meteorologists? They struggle to grasp the weather patterns.
49. What do you call a deer with no eyes and no legs? Still no idea.
50. Why don’t armless, legless people ever win at tennis? They lack follow-through.
51. I once knew a man with no arms or legs who worked at a coffee shop. People said he was always on the go.
52. What do you call someone with no body and no nose? Nobody knows!
53. Why don’t armless, legless people waterski? They just can’t get up on one ski.
54. What do you call a dog with no legs? Doesn’t matter what you call him, he ain’t gonna come.
55. A man with no arms or legs lies near the entrance of a restaurant. As a couple walks in, he yells, “Hey folks! Could y’all lend a hand and throw me inside? Thanks!”
56. What do you call a deer with no eyes and no legs? Still no idea.
57. Why don’t armless, legless people ever win at tennis? They lack follow-through.
58. What do you call someone with no body and nose? Nobody knows!
59. Why do legless, armless people make great detectives? They always keep an eye out for clues and don’t rest until a case is solved.
60. What do you call a dog with no legs? Call him whatever you want, he still can’t come.
61. Why don’t armless, legless people ever win marathons? They lack the ability to pull ahead of the competition.
62. What do you call a man with no arms and no legs sunbathing on a beach? Ray.
63. Why do armless, legless people make great weather forecasters? Because they’re always in the know.
64. What do you call a deer with no eyes and no legs? Still no idea!
65. Why don’t armless, legless people ever win at Twister? They lack flexibility.
66. What do you call an armless, legless man in a bush? Russell!
67. I once knew an armless, legless man who was a movie critic. He gave E.T. two thumbs up!
68. Why can’t legless, armless people hail taxi cabs? They lack the ability to flag one down.
69. What do you call an armless, legless man hanging on the wall? Art!
70. Why do legless, armless people make great actors? They always throw themselves completely into their roles!
71. What do you call a deer with no eyes and no legs? Still no idea!
72. Why don’t armless, legless people bungee jump? Because they lack depth perception!
73. Why don’t legless, armless people scuba dive? They don’t have the guts for it!
74. What do you call a dog with no legs? Doesn’t matter what you call him, he can’t come anyway.
75. Why do armless, legless people never lose at hide and seek? Because they are always in hiding and can’t seek!