Mustache Puns
1. I asked my friend if he liked my new mustache. He said it looks a little “hairy” but he’ll get used to it.
2. My mustache was feeling lonely, so I introduced it to my beard. Now they’re attached!
3. I was going to shave my mustache off but my friends convinced me to keep it. They said it really grows on you.
4. I entered my mustache in a pet competition. It won “Best in Show”!
5. Want to hear a joke about my mustache? Shave it for later.
6. My mustache wanted to look fancy, so it got itself a tuxedo. Now it’s suited and booted!
7. I caught my mustache stealing cookies from the cookie jar. Turns out it has some crumby friends.
8. My mustache applied for a job as a barber. It got hired on the spot!
9. I told my mustache a chemistry joke but it didn’t react.
10. My mustache loves playing hide and seek. It’s always on the upper lip!
11. Want to hear a pizza joke? Nevermind, it’s a little cheesy. Just like my mustache!
12. I asked my mustache if it wanted to hear a pirate joke. It said, “Aye aye, captain!”
Mustache One-Liners
13. My mustache is so bushy, birds nest in it.
14. My mustache is so long, I have to wear a bib to eat.
15. My mustache is so curly, it perms itself.
16. My mustache is so thick, it has a mind of its own.
17. My mustache is so hairy, it howls at the moon.
18. My mustache is so big, it has its own driver’s license.
19. My mustache is so messy, it needs a comb and scissors.
20. My mustache is so unruly, it runs wild.
21. My mustache is so fuzzy, it collects lint.
22. My mustache is so long, I braid it.
Best Mustache Jokes
23. My friend was complaining about how thick and unruly his mustache had gotten. I told him, “Well, you know what they say…hair today, gone tomorrow!”
24. I asked my boss if I could grow a mustache at work. He said, “I mustache you a question, but I’ll shave it for later.”
25. Did you hear about the guy who was turned down for a job because of his mustache? He was livid. He just couldn’t hairy to understand it.
26. What do you call a mustache that’s been styled with gel? A groomed stache!
27. How does a mustache party? It pops bottle openers!
28. My friend was bragging that women love mustaches. I told him, “That may be true, but I beardly get any attention with mine.”
29. What do you call a psychic mustache? A clairvoyant stache!
30. Why can’t you trust a mustached man? Because he’s always got something up his sleeve!
31. Did you hear about the barber who fell into a coma? He just woke up and is ready to get back to cutting mustaches!
32. What concert costs 45 cents? 50 Cent featuring Nickelback!
33. Why do mustaches make bad landlords? Because they can’t stand tenants!
34. Why don’t sharks eat clowns? Because they taste funny!
35. What sits at the bottom of the sea and twitches? A nervous wreck!
36. Did you hear about the claustrophobic astronaut? He just needed a little space!
37. Why can’t bicycles stand up by themselves? Because they’re two-tired!
38. Why was the broom late to work? It overswept!
39. What’s Forrest Gump’s password? 1Forrest1!
40. What do you call a fish with no eyes? A fsh!
41. Why don’t scientists trust atoms? Because they make up everything!
42. What do you call a dog magician? A labracadabrador!
43. How do you organize a space party? You planet!
44. Did you hear about the guy who got hit in the head with a can of soda? He was lucky it was a soft drink!
45. Why couldn’t the pony sing a lullaby? It was a little hoarse!
46. What did one ocean say to the other? Nothing, they just waved!
47. What do you call an alligator in a vest? An investigator!
48. Why was Cinderella thrown off the basketball team? She ran away from the ball!
49. Why do seagulls fly over the sea? Because if they flew over the bay, they’d be bagels!
50. What do you call a sleeping bull? A bulldozer!
51. Why are frogs so happy? They eat whatever bugs them!
52. Did you hear the joke about the roof? Never mind, it’s over your head!
53. I knew I shouldn’t steal a calendar, but I took my days.