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45 Funny Music Jokes

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45 Funny Music Jokes

Music Puns (15)

  1. What do you call a musician without a girlfriend? Homeless.
  2. Why do musicians have to be careful when they go on vacation? They might get sax on the beach!
  3. My friend got mad at me for making too many music puns. I said, “What, are you going to beat me?” He said, “No, but I’m going to jazz you up real good!”
  4. Did you hear about the musician who was arrested? He was caught for conducting himself improperly on stage!
  5. What’s the difference between a musician and a large pizza? A large pizza can actually feed a family of 4.
  6. How do you make a musician’s car more aerodynamic? Take the Domino’s Pizza sign off the roof.
  7. What did the musician name his two daughters? Anna One, Anna Two!
  8. How do you know if there’s a singer at your door? They can’t find the key and don’t know when to come in.
  9. Did you hear about the musician who broke up with her boyfriend? She decided to stick with her band.
  10. Did you hear about the guitar player who joined a monastery? He really wanted to become a friar.
  11. Why can’t a bicycle stand up by itself? Because it’s two-tired.
  12. What did the drummer name his twin daughters? Anna one, Anna two!
  13. What happens when a lead guitarist breaks up with his girlfriend? He loses his pick.
  14. My friend couldn’t work out how to fasten his seatbelt. I said, “It’s simple – just click it or ticket.”
  15. Did you hear about the musician who left his son at a gig? He forgot his mini me.

Music One-Liners (10)

  1. I went to an emo concert last night. It rocked.
  2. What’s the difference between a bass player and a pizza? A pizza can feed a family of four.
  3. I took my wife to a karaoke bar last night. I didn’t know all the lyrics but I was able to wing it.
  4. My friend’s in a band called ‘1023 Megabytes’ – they haven’t got a gig yet.
  5. I tried playing guitar like Eddie Van Halen, but I just ended up with a Van Hagar.
  6. Did you hear about the musician who robbed the bank and escaped on a tricycle? He made a clean getaway.
  7. I bought some shoes from a drummer, but I don’t think they’re new. I think they have a couple of soles.
  8. Don’t trust musicians who carry their instrument cases on the subway. They’re usually violins inside.
  9. My friends call me Lil’ Wayne… not because I’m a rapper, but because I accidentally ran over Lil’ Wayne in my car.
  10. What do you call someone who hangs around musicians? A drummer.

Best Music Jokes (20)

  1. A violist and a conductor are walking in opposite directions down a street. As they pass each other, the violist says, “Good morning, maestro!” The conductor is stunned. It’s the first time in 10 years that a violist has recognized him.
  2. My friend wanted to learn how to play the guitar, so I told him, “Just pick it up and strum randomly until you get progressively better.” He replied, “Thanks, that really plucks!”
  3. Two musician friends, a pianist and a violist, run into each other on the street. The pianist looks distraught. “What’s wrong?” asks the violist. “Oh it’s terrible,” says the pianist. “I just lost track of a bunch of music scores that I had made notes on.” The violist responds, “Have you retraced your notes?” The pianist shouts back angrily, “What good would that do?”
  4. What did the drummer name his twin daughters? Anna one, Anna two!
  5. An earthquake suddenly strikes while an orchestra is performing a symphony. All the musicians flee the concert hall in terror, except for the percussionists. After the shaking ends, someone asks why they stayed. One of them replies, “We figured we’d be okay since we were already shaking our instruments.”
  6. My friend couldn’t work out how to fasten his seatbelt. I said, “It’s simple – just click it or ticket.”
  7. What’s the difference between a lead guitarist and a terrorist? You can negotiate with a terrorist.
  8. I took my wife to a karaoke bar last night. I didn’t know all the lyrics but I was able to wing it.
  9. A guitarist and a drummer are walking down the street. They both walk by a music store that has a sign that reads: “Gibson Les Paul 60% off!” The guitarist runs in but the drummer keeps walking. The guitarist comes out later and catches up with the drummer and asks him, “Why didn’t you go in? The Gibsons are 60% off!” The drummer replies, “Because I can’t read.”
  10. Why do guitarists put drumsticks on the dash of their car? So they can park in the handicapped spot.
  11. I went to an emo concert last night. It rocked.
  12. Why are orchestra intermissions limited to 20 minutes? So you don’t have to retrain the drummers.
  13. What do you call someone who hangs around with musicians? A drummer.
  14. How do you get two piccolo players to play in perfect unison? Shoot one.
  15. Did you hear about the guitarist who was going to jail? He’ll be doing hard time.
  16. What’s the range of a tuba? Twenty yards if you’ve got a good arm!
  17. I played the clarinet in high school. My girlfriend thought it was really annoying. She kept saying, “Stop blowing that thing in my ear!”
  18. What’s the difference between a violin and a fiddle? A violin has strings and a fiddle has strangs.
  19. Why do bands have bass players? To translate for the drummer.