Mother’s Day Puns
1. I wanted to get my mom something very special for Mother’s Day, but all the good gifts argon.
2. For Mother’s Day, I got my mom a giant balloon shaped like a cell phone. It says, “Thanks for always being there for me!”
3. My kids asked what I want for Mother’s Day. I said, “My only wish is for you to stop fighting.” They bought me a pair of noise-canceling headphones instead.
4. I was going to buy my mom a Mother’s Day card, but I couldn’t find one that said, “Thanks for the DNA!”
5. I told my kids the only gift I wanted for Mother’s Day was their smiling faces in a picture frame. What I got instead was a framed photo of them hysterically laughing.
6. My teenage son forgot about Mother’s Day until the last minute. Let’s just say I won’t be winning any bouquet contests this year.
7. For Mother’s Day, my kids chipped in to buy me a heated back massager. It’s just what I kneaded.
8. I asked my husband what he got me for Mother’s Day. He said, “Don’t worry honey, it’ll be a surprise!” So apparently I’m getting nothing.
9. My toddler made me a macaroni necklace for Mother’s Day. It’s the most expensive jewelry I own now.
10. I told my kids the only gift I wanted for Mother’s Day was a clean house. Yeah, I won’t be making that mistake again.
11. This Mother’s Day, I informed my kids that the best present they could give me is becoming rich and famous so I can retire early.
12. For Mother’s Day this year, I’m treating myself to a nice, long bath. With the door locked.
13. My husband surprised me on Mother’s Day by cleaning the whole house while I relaxed. Turns out a “clean house” is subjective.
14. The captcha for my online Mother’s Day gift order asked me to select all images with tired moms. Was that necessary?
Mother’s Day One-Liners
15. Mother’s Day is the one day of the year I put my feet up and relax. The other 364 days, I don’t get a chance.
16. This Mother’s Day, I’ll be serving myself breakfast in bed at 3pm.
17. A spa day would be the perfect Mother’s Day gift. Hint hint, family.
18. This Mother’s Day, I’ll smile politely at my macaroni necklace and 10-second hug before sneaking off for a mimosa.
19. Make me breakfast, do my chores, leave me alone. The Holy Trinity of Mother’s Day gifts.
20. Flowers for Mother’s Day? No, thanks. I’d rather have the spa treatment and naptime.
21. A Mother’s Day without kids jumping on the bed? Now we’re talking.
22. Happy Mother’s Day to all moms out there! Enjoy this one peaceful day before the chaos resumes.
23. Mother’s Day wish: Kids who clean their rooms without being asked 435 times.
24. This Mother’s Day, I’m looking for the gift receipt on last year’s “number one mom” mug.
25. Here’s to all the moms celebrating Mother’s Day! We’ll smile through the stick figure cards and lopsided macaroni necklaces.
Best Mother’s Day Jokes
26. On Mother’s Day morning, I woke up to breakfast in bed served to me by my loving husband and kids. The cereal was soggy and the orange juice was warm, but it’s the thought that counts! I’ll treasure this memory when they forget Mother’s Day next year.
27. For Mother’s Day, my teenage daughter surprised me by cleaning out the garage. Well, she threw everything into the driveway and called it “clean.” Still, I appreciate the gesture and look forward to the father-daughter time we’ll have this weekend putting it all back.
28. The best Mother’s Day present I ever got was a neck massage from my husband. He doesn’t give them often, so when he does, I know he feels guilty about something. I plan to milk that massage for a good week or two until I figure out what he did.
29. This year for Mother’s Day, my kids made me coupons for future chores and errands I can redeem. Dishes, laundry, grocery shopping, you name it! I give them an A for effort, but I know those coupons will mysteriously disappear when it’s time to cash them in.
30. I told my husband I didn’t want anything for Mother’s Day this year. Apparently he took me literally. No breakfast in bed, no flowers, not even a card. Next year, I’m sending him very specific gift suggestions so I don’t end up empty-handed again!
31. My teenage son woke me up at the crack of dawn on Mother’s Day to give me a heartfelt card. It was signed “Your favorite child.” Now I have to break the news to my other kids that they’ve been replaced.
32. This Mother’s Day, my toddler gave me a big hug and said “Happy Birfday Mommy!” I didn’t have the heart to correct him. Besides, everyday feels like a birthday when you’re a mom.
33. My husband agreed to let me sleep in on Mother’s Day while he took the kids out for breakfast. When they returned hours later, I learned that “breakfast” meant stopping at the gas station for donuts.
34. This year for Mother’s Day, I asked my kids for a family photo of us together. After the meltdowns, blurry shots, and photos with eyes closed, one miraculous picture turned out perfect. So of course that’s the one my daughter spilled juice on.
35. I woke up to a beautiful Mother’s Day brunch of burned pancakes, slightly undercooked bacon, and orange juice with pulp. As I choked it all down, I reminded myself that it’s always a joy spending the holiday with my loving family.
36. Nothing says “Happy Mother’s Day” like waking up without kids jumping on you, enjoying French toast that you didn’t have to make yourself, and laughing over mimosas with girlfriends. Take note, family.
37. This Mother’s Day, my family surprised me with breakfast in bed and homemade cards. The toast was burnt and the cards were covered in glue, but it warmed my heart. After the hugs and kisses, I sent them off to watch TV so I could eat my cold eggs in peace.
38. I celebrated Mother’s Day by taking a luxurious bubble bath while my husband handled dinner and bedtime for the kids. The tub may have been slightly clogged with bath toys, and bedtime was a circus, but hey – it’s the little things!
39. My son made me the sweetest Mother’s Day card at school. His teacher spelled “Mom” wrong, but I won’t hold that against him. I’ll just gently break the news that “Moom” isn’t a word when he gets home from school.
40. This Mother’s Day, I’m looking forward to breakfast in bed, homemade cards, flowers, and spending time with my family. Assuming I wake up before noon, the kids don’t fight, my husband remembers, and no one has a last minute soccer game – it’s going to be perfect!
41. I told my husband all I want for Mother’s Day is one day to relax with no kids around. Next thing I knew, he booked a spa day for himself and arranged a sleepover for the kids. I should have been more specific.
42. Nothing makes a mom feel appreciated on Mother’s Day like breakfast in bed at 6am, muddy handprints on her clean walls, and macaroni stuck in her freshly brushed hair. Motherhood is glamorous!
43. This Mother’s Day, I can’t wait to finally enjoy a peaceful morning working in the garden. Just me, my flowers, and the dozen kids who abandoned their new toys to run through my flowerbeds. Happy Mother’s Day to me!
