Morning Puns (15)
1. I tried waking up early this morning, but I just couldn’t rise to the occasion.
2. My friend asked me how my morning was going. I told him, “So far, so good!”
3. I heard there’s a new type of alarm clock that makes coffee for you when it goes off. It’s called a baris-ta-clock.
4. I was running late this morning so I had to rush my breakfast. It was very dis-toast-ing.
5. I spilled coffee on my laptop this morning and had to take it to the tech support Genius Barista.
6. My morning commute is so boring. All I do is drive down Road Avenue to Bored Boulevard, take a left on Yawn Street and finally arrive at Snore Corporation.
7. I tried waking up to the sound of birds chirping this morning. Turns out it was just my alarm clock chirping.
8. This morning, I threw all the clocks out my window. It was very time consuming.
9. I hate mornings so much that I’m willing to sell my sole to never have to wake up early again.
10. I was late to work this morning because my clothes were playing hide and seek. I just couldn’t find my shirt and pants.
11. My mornings are so busy, I barely have time to drink my cup of wake-up juice before I’m out the door.
12. I’m thinking of installing a coffee IV so I can get caffeine directly into my veins first thing in the morning.
13. This morning I grabbed a glass of orange juice, but it tasted a little sour. Then I realized it was from last night – it was nightquil!
14. I tried waking up before sunrise this morning but didn’t quite make it. I guess I’m just not a morning person.
15. My morning routine is so rushed, I brush my teeth while brewing coffee and getting dressed at the same time. It’s called multi-brushing.
Morning One-Liners (15)
16. Mornings are for coffee and contemplation. Afternoons are for naps and hallucination.
17. My morning mood depends on the number of cups of coffee I’ve had.
18. I’m only talking to you because it’s too early in the morning to function.
19. It’s too early for this much perkiness.
20. Good morning! Keep calm, coffee on.
21. Coffee first. Human interaction later.
22. Rise and shine. Just kidding, I’m still in bed.
23. My morning exercise is walking to the coffee pot.
24. Coffee is the most important meal of the day.
25. Help, I’ve fallen and I need caffeine.
26. I woke up feeling half dead, so I’m going to need twice as much coffee today.
27. Today’s forecast: 100% chance of sarcasm before my morning coffee.
28. I don’t function before my morning cup of coffee. Please come back later.
29. Coffee – the most important meal of the day.
30. I’m not a morning person, I’m barely even an afternoon person.
Best Morning Jokes (43)
31. Yesterday morning, I was feeling extra tired so I decided to stop at a coffee shop on my way to work. I told the barista, “I’ll take the strongest thing you have.” He handed me a mirror.
32. My wife woke me up this morning and said, “It’s 8:00 AM, time to get up and face the day.” So I turned around and went back to sleep.
33. I was running late for work this morning. I saw a police officer writing a ticket and thought, “Finally, a ride to work!” Sadly he did not offer me a ride.
34. My 4-year-old woke me up at 5 AM this morning. When I complained, she said “Mommy, pretend I’m your alarm clock!” So I threw her across the room and went back to sleep.
35. This morning my wife asked me to pass her lipstick but I accidentally passed her a glue stick. She still isn’t talking to me.
36. I hate mornings so much that if they were a person, I’d be arrested for murder.
37. I was late to work this morning. My boss took one look at me and said “You look exhausted!” I said “No, just late. I always look like this.”
38. This morning I saw a neighbor talking to her cat. It was obvious who the smarter one was.
39. My morning routine consists of me slapping my alarm clock and saying “five more minutes”. This goes on for about an hour.
40. This morning I woke up to the sound of mockingbirds. Then I realized it was just my alarm clock.
41. My morning commute is a nightmare. First I spill coffee on myself. Then I hit every red light while simultaneously getting cut off 3 times. And my radio only plays depressing songs about how early it is.
42. This morning my wife asked me to pass the lip balm but I accidentally gave her crazy glue. She’s still not talking to me.
43. I woke up extra early this morning, before my alarm clock. I felt so powerful, like a God. Then I tried to get out of bed and fell on my face.
44. This morning I got all dressed up and ready for work. I put on a suit and tie, made my coffee, and walked out the front door. Then I realized it’s Saturday and I don’t work on the weekends.
45. My wife asked if I could help make breakfast this morning. I said sure, what are we having? She said “divorce papers.”
46. This morning I woke up to the smell of bacon cooking. Turns out my wife left me and the neighbors were making BLTs.
47. I thought my morning was off to a great start today. I woke up refreshed, had a nice breakfast, and was out the door with time to spare. But then I got stuck behind the world’s slowest school bus and was late for work. Story of my life!
48. This morning I woke up feeling extra motivated and productive. I cleaned the house, went for a jog, took a shower, and made breakfast. Then I spilled coffee all over my computer and had to call in sick. Oh well, tomorrow is a new day!
49. My 4-year-old woke me up at 5am by whispering in my ear “Mom, can you make me breakfast?” Half asleep, I replied “Do I look like a pancake to you?!” My husband found it hilarious. I found it grounds for divorce.
50. This morning my toddler woke me up by smacking me in the face and yelling “WAKE UP MOMMY!” Ah, such pleasantries to start the day.
51. This morning I woke up feeling optimistic and cheerful. I whistled while getting ready, smiled at strangers, and gave a 10 dollar tip to the barista. Then I got stuck in 2 hours of rush hour traffic and now hate everything again.
52. Waking up is the second hardest thing in the morning. I’ll let your imagination figure out what’s the hardest.
53. This morning I woke up and stretched peacefully in bed. Then my cat jumped on my bladder and I did the pee dance all the way to the bathroom.
54. I hate mornings with every fiber of my being. If it was socially acceptable to sleep from 6pm to noon every day, I would.
55. My morning routine consists of hitting the snooze button repeatedly and crying a little.
56. This morning I woke up, looked at the clock and thought “Well, I overslept again, might as well just call in sick to work.” Then I remembered it’s Saturday. Darn.
57. Does anyone else wake up in the morning, look at their to-do list, then go right back to bed? No? Just me?
58. This morning my husband asked me what I wanted for breakfast. Apparently “more sleep” wasn’t the right answer.
59. I’m pretty sure my spirit animal is Garfield. I despise mornings and live for lasagna.
60. Roses are red, mornings are crappy, just let me sleep in, you heartless yappy dog.
61. This morning I woke up bright eyed and ready to seize the day! Then I saw what time it was and went back to sleep.
62. Studies show that waking up early shortens your lifespan. I’m just trying to live forever over here.
63. I enjoy long walks to the coffee maker in the mornings.
64. Me before coffee: Unbearable. Rude. Basically still asleep. Me after coffee: Rude, but awake.
65. On a scale of 1-10, my mood is coffee in the morning.
66. Dawn is just the devil’s way of insulting me for sleeping in.
67. I’m going to open a bed and breakfast where people can check-in at night and check-out at noon. For people who hate mornings as much as I do.
68. My morning routine: 1. Snooze alarm 10 times. 2. Drag self out of bed. 3. Make enough coffee to fill a bathtub. 4. Slowly feel alive again.
69. Roses are red, mornings are hell, if you wake me early, I will not be swell.
70. To do list for today: 1. Wake up. 2. Regret waking up. 3. Go back to bed.
71. Coffee is the most positive thing in my life before 10am.
72. My bed and I have something special that I don’t have with anyone else. As soon as I get in, we’re both happy.
73. Early bird? No thanks, I’m a night owl who’s been forced to wake up at dawn.
