Monster Puns
1. What do you call a friendly ghost? A pally spirit!
2. Why didn’t the vampire eat Taylor Swift? He didn’t want to get Swift-ies.
3. Why are ghosts bad at lying? Because you can see right through them!
4. Why don’t mummies take vacations? They’re afraid to unwind!
5. Why did Dracula lie on the floor? He wanted to raise the stakes!
6. Why do demons and ghouls hang out together? Because demons are a ghoul’s best friend!
7. What’s a werewolf’s favorite candy? A Twix…they love to SNICKERS too!
8. Why couldn’t the witch have babies? Because her husband had a hollow weenie!
9. How do you fix a broken pumpkin? With a pumpkin patch!
10. What do you call a vampire who is car sick? Count Barfula!
11. Why do vampires seem sick? They’re always coffin!
12. What do you get when you cross a vampire and a snowman? Frostbite!
Monster One-Liners
13. I tried to catch some fog earlier, but I mist.
14. I’m reading a book about anti-gravity. It’s impossible to put down!
15. I used to be afraid of hurdles, but I got over it!
16. Did you hear about the guy who drank a whole jug of vegetable oil? He nearly drowned trying to ketch up!
17. I got fired from my job at the keyboard factory. They said I wasn’t putting in enough shifts.
18. I used to have a fear of hurdles, but I got over it.
19. I ran behind a car and got exhausted!
20. Why do seagulls fly over the ocean? Because if they flew over the bay, we’d call them bagels!
21. Selling haunted coffins is a grave business.
22. Working in the morgue must be a dead end job.
Best Monster Jokes
23. A zombie walks into a bar and asks for a beer and a mop. (The bartender asks, “What’s the mop for?” The zombie replies, “My leg fell off and I’m just trying to hold myself together!”)
24. What do you call a clumsy ghost? Doofus the Poltergeist.
A ghost named Doofus was haunting a large old mansion. He meant to be scary, but he was just so clumsy that people thought he was hilarious instead of frightening. He’d attempt to slam doors shut dramatically, but just end up getting his sheet stuck. He’d try to howl eerily through the halls, but it just came out as a whistley wheeze. Poor Doofus! If only he could get a little more traction in his afterlife.
25. Why are ghosts always hungry? Because the food goes right through them!
26. What’s a mummy’s favorite type of music? Wrap!
27. Why did the ghost go on vacation? He needed to get some color – he was looking a little pale!
28. What do you call a dancing ghost? Polka-haunt-us!
29. Why are zombies always grumpy? They’re dead tired!
30. What kind of streets do zombies like best? Dead ends!
31. How do monsters tell their future? They read their horrorscopes!
32. Where do baby ghosts go during the day? Dayscare centers!
33. Why didn’t the vampire attack Taylor Swift? She had bad blood.
34. Why are vampires Democrats? They want Gore in 2000!
35. What do you get when you cross a vampire and a snowman? Frostbite!
36. What did Dracula say after reading all these jokes? “They suck!”
37. Why don’t mummies take time off? They’re afraid to unwind!
38. Why couldn’t the kid see the pirate movie? Because it was rated ARRRR!
39. What happens when a ghost gets lost in the fog? He is mist!
40. How do zombies introduce themselves? Nice to eat you!
41. Why did the monster eat a lightbulb? Because he was delighited!
42. What do Italian ghosts eat for dinner? Spooketti!
43. Why do ghosts love elevators? It lifts their spirits!
44. What did one coffin say to the other coffin? Is that you coughin’?
45. Why are ghosts so bad at lying? You can see right through them!
46. Why did the vampire subscribe to the newspaper? He heard it had great circulation!
47. How do you fix a broken Jack-O-Lantern? Use a pumpkin patch.
48. What do you get when you cross a snowman with a vampire? Frostbite.
49. How do ghosts play poker? By using their ghoul hands!
50. What’s a ghoul’s favorite lunch meat? Monster-ella cheese!
51. What’s a vampire’s least favorite food? Steak…it’s a pain in the neck!
52. What’s a mummy’s favorite kind of music? Wrap!
53. When does a skeleton laugh? When something tickles his funny bone!
54. Why didn’t the werewolf have any friends? Because he was a lycanthrope!
55. What do you call a vampire whose car breaks down 3 miles from a blood bank? A cab!
56. Why are ghosts bad liars? Because you can see right through them!
57. What do you get when you cross a zombie and a chicken? A poultrygeist!