Mickey Mouse Puns (15)
1. What do you call it when Mickey Mouse gets mad? A Mickey Tantrum!
2. Why doesn’t Mickey Mouse need a watch? Because he’s got a minute hand!
3. What do you call cheese that doesn’t belong to you? Nacho Cheese! Mickey Mouse loves nacho cheese.
4. Why can’t Mickey Mouse tell time anymore? He lost his Mickey Watch!
5. Why does Mickey Mouse use Apple products? Because he likes iMickey!
6. How does Mickey Mouse stay in shape? By doing mouse-robics!
7. Why did Mickey Mouse get arrested at Disney World? For impersonating himself!
8. How does Mickey Mouse keep his pants up? With suspenders of course!
9. Why can’t Mickey Mouse play baseball? He keeps striking out Mouse!
10. What happens when Mickey Mouse takes a swim? His mousekeeters get wet!
11. Why can’t Mickey Mouse drive a car? He can’t find his mouse-mobile keys!
12. Where does Mickey Mouse buy his bread? At the Mickey Deli!
13. Why doesn’t Mickey Mouse like cheese anymore? Because he’s on a strict no dairy diet!
14. What do you call a sleepy Mickey Mouse? A drow-Mouse!
15. Why does Mickey Mouse wear gloves? So he doesn’t spread ger-Mouse!
Mickey Mouse One-Liners (15)
16. Mickey Mouse? More like Mickey Mouth with how much he talks!
17. Mickey Mouse is so old, his birth certificate expired!
18. Mickey Mouse is so short, he couldn’t even reach the top of the refrigerator!
19. Mickey Mouse is so skinny, he makes spaghetti look fat!
20. Mickey Mouse is so annoying, even Minnie is tired of him!
21. Mickey Mouse has such a high voice, only dogs can hear him!
22. Mickey Mouse is so messy, his room belongs on an episode of Hoarders!
23. Mickey Mouse is so dumb, he failed pre-school…twice!
24. Mickey Mouse is so clumsy, he trips over his own tail!
25. Mickey Mouse is so lazy, watching paint dry is his idea of exercise!
26. Mickey Mouse has such big ears, he could fly without an airplane!
27. Mickey Mouse is so crazy, he thinks Donald Duck laid the egg he hatched from!
28. Mickey Mouse loves Minnie so much, he asked her to marry him in Disneyland!
29. Mickey Mouse is so short, he has to use a step stool to kiss Minnie!
30. Mickey Mouse’s voice is so high pitched, only Pluto can hear him without getting a headache!
Best Mickey Mouse Jokes (25)
31. One day, Mickey Mouse walks into his house yelling, “Minnie I’m home!” But when he enters the bedroom, he sees Minnie with another man.
Mickey angrily says, “What are you doing?!” The man responds, “Ears!” Mickey then storms out.
Confused, Minnie asks the man, “What was that all about?” And the man says, “Nothing, I was just telling Mickey here’s your ears back, you left them in my truck.”
32. Mickey Mouse rushes into the doctor’s office yelling, “Doctor! Doctor! You’ve got to help me. I can’t stop singing ‘I’m a Little Teapot’ no matter what I do!”
The doctor replies, “Well I have some bad news Mickey. It seems like you’re coming down with Disney syndrome.”
33. Mickey Mouse walks into a bar and orders a drink. The bartender says, “Hey Mickey! What happened to your pants?” Mickey says, “I lost them in a divorce settlement.”
34. Mickey Mouse calls Minnie on the phone and asks “Hey Minnie, what are you wearing?” Minnie says, “Oh Mickey, I’m not wearing anything but a polka dot bow.” Mickey laughs and says, “Oh Minnie, you’re so silly! Bows don’t have polka dots!”
35. Mickey Mouse is having a midlife crisis. He goes out and buys a red sports car. He’s driving down the highway when he gets pulled over by a police officer. The cop walks up to the window and says, “Well, well, well Mickey Mouse… Where’s Minnie?” Mickey replies, “She’s in the trunk!”
36. Mickey Mouse is out for a drive when he gets a flat tire. He pulls over and starts trying to change it but is struggling. Donald Duck drives by and sees Mickey struggling, so he stops to help. Together they get the tire changed, but then realize neither of them knows how to get the car down off the jack. After thinking for a minute, Donald says “Hey, let’s get Goofy to help!”
37. Mickey Mouse walks into a psychologist’s office wearing only underwear. The psychologist says “Well, it’s clear you’re fucking Goofy!”
38. Why does Mickey Mouse wear white gloves? So he doesn’t get Minnie pregnant when they hold hands.
39. Mickey Mouse filed for divorce from Minnie Mouse. “She’s crazy!” he told the judge. “I didn’t say she was crazy, I said she was fucking Goofy!” the judge replied.
40. Mickey Mouse comes home one day and tells Minnie “I heard a joke about you today.” Minnie responds “Oh yeah? Tell me!” Mickey says “I can’t remember how it goes, but the punchline is ‘Silly Minnie.'” Minnie gets angry and storms out.
Later when she comes home, Mickey asks “Did you enjoy your walk?” Minnie says “Yeah I did, and along the way I met Goofy. And do you want to know something? He told me the same joke you did!”
41. Mickey Mouse and Minnie Mouse are having relationship issues, so they decide to go see a marriage counselor. After meeting with the counselor, the counselor suggests they try roleplaying to spice up their relationship. That night, Mickey puts on a policeman uniform and Minnie puts on a sexy dress.
Mickey knocks on the bedroom door and says in a gruff voice “Police! Open up!” Minnie opens the door and immediately bursts out laughing at the sight of Mickey. Mickey groans and says “What now?!?” Minnie giggles and says “I’m sorry, I just can’t take you seriously in that silly costume!”
42. Mickey Mouse comes home and tells Minnie, “I saw Pluto today.” Minnie asks, “How is he doing?” Mickey replies, “Still looking for Goofy!”
43. Mickey Mouse woke up grumpy one morning. At breakfast, he complained to Minnie, “This milk is spoiled!” Minnie quickly replied, “It’s not spoiled, it’s just a little Goofy.”
44. Mickey Mouse rushes into the house yelling “Quick, Minnie, grab your things, the house is on fire!” Minnie screams “Oh no, Mickey! How did it start?” Mickey says “Well I was cooking hot dogs, then Pluto said ‘Goofy’s on fire!’ so I ran home to get you!
45. Mickey Mouse walks into a bar and orders 15 shots of whiskey. The bartender asks “Rough day?” Mickey says “Yeah, I just found out Minnie is crazy.” The bartender nods and says “She’s not crazy, she’s just fucking Goofy!” Mickey shouts “I didn’t say she was fucking Goofy, I said she was fucking Daffy!”
46. Why did Minnie leave Mickey? Because she was tired of his cheesy one liners.
47. What did Mickey say when he got a divorce? I guess I’m not so Minnie anymore!
48. Why doesn’t Mickey Mouse need Viagra? Because he’s got Minnie.
49. How do you know when Mickey Mouse is happy? When he’s whistling while he works!
50. Why can’t Mickey Mouse play card games? Because he’s always cheating!
51. How does Mickey Mouse pick up chicks? With a corny pickup line!
52. Why did Mickey Mouse get kicked out of the nudist colony? No shirts, no pants, no service!
53. Why does Mickey Mouse wear pants but Donald doesn’t? Because Disney doesn’t want kids seeing a duck’s butt!
54. How do you cheer up a crying Minnie? Tell her Mickey’s coming over to rub her feet tonight!
55. What’s black and white and red all over? Mickey Mouse after a nasty divorce with Minnie!