Lock Puns
1. I wanted to get a high-security lock for my house, but they’re just too ex-pen-sive!
2. My friend was an apprentice locksmith, but he kept making mistakes and ended up getting the boot.
3. I heard there’s going to be a big sale on locks next week. It will be absolutely unbolievable!
4. Did you hear about the lock that was feeling under the weather? It had the key flu!
5. Why was the lock fired from his job as a security guard? He was caught sleeping on the job!
6. Why did the lock go to therapy? It was having key-sues!
7. Did you hear about the arrogant lock who thought he was better than everyone else? He had a sup-e-rior key complex.
8. Why are locks terrible dancers? They have two left keys!
9. What do you call a lock that works part time as a comedian? A pun-dit!
10. How does a lock stay in shape? By doing kel-robics!
11. Did you hear about the locksmith who became a priest? He wanted to get on the right key to heaven!
12. What happened to the lock that ate too much? It got key-logged!
Lock One-Liners
13. I wanted to spice up my love life, so I installed a padlock on the bedroom door.
14. My locksmith business failed because I just couldn’t get the hang of keyping up with demand.
15. I bought my girlfriend a diamond lock and key necklace, she broke up with me the next day – I guess it didn’t un-lock her heart.
16. They say the key to success is hard work, but I’d rather just pick the lock.
17. I bought a book on how to pick locks but couldn’t get past the first chapter.
18. I wanted to surprise my wife so I put a combination lock on the fridge, she was furious when she found out.
19. Locked my keys in the car again, it was an unfortu-key mistake.
20. People say I’m shady, but that’s just how I roll…down the window after locking my keys in the car.
21. Got fired from my job as a locksmith today, my boss said I don’t have the right keys to succeed.
22. My friends say I’m paranoid for double locking my front door, but you can never be too se-cure.
Best Lock Jokes
23. I was trying to unlock my front door but my key wouldn’t turn. After struggling for a few minutes, my neighbor saw me and said “Having tro-key?”
24. A guy wanted to impress his date, so he took her to a fancy restaurant. When they arrived, he confidently threw the restaurant keys to the valet and said “Keep it safe, this car cost me $90,000!”. After enjoying a luxurious meal, the man went to retrieve his car only to realize the valet had locked his keys inside. Furious, the man demanded to speak to the manager. The manager apologized profusely and said “I’m so sorry sir, but our policy is we only cover damages up to $20,000”.
25. Billy was eagerly waiting outside the candy store for it to open. As soon as the owner unlocked the door, Billy rushed in, grabbed a bunch of sweets, and tried to run out without paying. But the owner was too quick for him. He locked the door before Billy could escape. Pounding on the door, Billy shouted desperately “Let me out, I promise I’ll never do this again!”. The owner replied “Promise to pay for what you took?” Billy nodded fervently “Yes, absolutely!”. The owner unlocked the door and said “Alright then, that will be $10”. Billy handed him the money and bolted out, then yelled over his shoulder “Keep the change, sucker!”.
26. Sally was constantly losing her house keys and getting locked out. One day, she called a locksmith to let her in yet again. When he arrived, the locksmith said in an exasperated tone “You really need to stop losing your keys!”. Sally replied “You’re right. I promise this is the last time I’ll need you to let me in”. The locksmith smiled and said “Good! No more losing keys and getting locked out?”. Sally shook her head and responded “Nope, no more losing keys. From now on, I’m just leaving the door unlocked”.
27. Rob was in jail and his friend Mike went to visit him. Mike asked “Why are you in here anyway?”. Rob sighed “Well, I tried to pick the lock on my neighbor’s house so I could steal his fancy new TV. But it turns out I’m not very good at picking locks”. Mike nodded “I see. So they caught you breaking in?”. Rob shook his head “Nope. I got so frustrated that I couldn’t pick the lock, I just kicked the door down and the alarm went off. That’s how they caught me”.