Horses Puns
1. I wanted to make a joke about horses, but I decided to just rein it in.
2. My friend got kicked by a horse right in the forehead. Let’s just say he took it straight on the mane.
3. I tried to tell a joke about horses, but it turned out to be pretty foal.
4. Did you hear about the horse who gave up comedy? He decided the jokes were too corny.
5. I went to a stable to hear a horse tell jokes. It turns out he was just horsing around.
6. I asked my horse if he wanted to hear a joke. He said, “Neigh.”
7. What do you call a horse who does stand up comedy? A funny filly.
8. My friend got kicked out of the stables for telling lame jokes. I guess his humor was a bit too stable.
9. I tried to tell my horse a joke, but he just kept trotting away.
10. What do you call a horse that can make you laugh? A comedy stallion.
11. Which horses tell the best jokes? The punnies.
12. How do horses stay entertained? With horsey puns, of coarse.
Horses One-Liners
13. I’m not saying my horse is messy, but his stall is total stable.
14. My horse is an expert comedian – he always knows how to get a laugh without horseplay.
15. Did you hear about the horse who did a comedy show? It was hilarious – no ifs, ands, or butts!
16. I once met a horse who was an amazing comedian. The crowd was always hay-larious.
17. What do you call a horse that tells funny jokes? A jokester stallion.
18. My horse wanted to be a comedian, but none of his jokes landed – they were too trotty.
19. I asked my horse to tell me a joke – he said “neigh way!”
20. How do you make a horse laugh? With hay-larious comedy, of coarse!
21. What do you call a horse that does stand-up? A punny filly.
22. I tried to teach my horse stand-up comedy, but he kept trotting off.
Best Horses Jokes
23. A horse walks into a bar and orders a beer. The bartender says, “You’re in here pretty often. Think you might be an alcoholic?” The horse says, “I don’t think I am…” and vanishes from existence.
See, the joke is that the horse was aspirit. Spirits technically can’t be alcoholics.
24. A cowboy rides into town on Sunday, stays for three days, and leaves on Sunday. How is this possible?
His horse’s name is Sunday!
25. A cowboy buys a horse from a pastor. The pastor explains, “to make the horse go, you gotta yell ‘Thank God!’ And to make it stop, yell ‘Hallelujah.”
The cowboy rides off, and rides all day yelling, “Thank God! Thank God!” What an amazing horse! Wanting to stop for lunch, he pulls back on the reins and yells, “Hallelujah!” The horse keeps going. He tries again “Hallelujah!!!” Still the horse gallops down the path.
“Woah, God!” Yells the cowboy. The horse stops immediately. “What’s wrong with you?” Asks the cowboy. “Hallelujah I can understand, but why in tarnation does ‘Woah, God!’ Make you stop?”
The horse replies, “My father was an atheist.”
26. A cowboy takes his horse to the vet because it’s been acting lethargic and depressed. The vet runs tests and tells the cowboy, “I’m sorry to say your horse has terminal cancer.”
The cowboy breaks down in tears, sobbing, “That horse saved my life so many times and has been my most loyal friend.” He composes himself and asks the vet, “Isn’t there any way to make his final days more comfortable? Get him back to his old self?”
The vet replies, “Well, we could try chemotherapy…”
The cowboy cries, “No, I don’t wanna turn him into a pony!”
27. A man is out shopping for a new horse. The first farm he visits, the farmer brings out the horse named “B-B Eyes”. The man asks, “Why do you call him that?” The farmer says, “Because he’s got big eyes!” The man quickly leaves unimpressed.
The next farm, the farmer brings out the horse named “T-T Mouth”. The man asks, “Let me guess, it’s because of his big mouth?” The farmer says, “Sure is!” Again, the man leaves.
He visits one more farm. The farmer brings out the horse named “B-B Gonads”. The man looks puzzled and says, “I give up, why do you call him that?”
The farmer replies, “Because he’s got big gonads!” The man slaps his hand on his forehead. “Of course! I should have guessed!”
28. Did you hear about the horse who was an amazing comedian? He had the whole stable laughing!
29. Why don’t horses tell jokes while they race? They prefer straight faces!
30. Why did the horse keep getting kicked out of comedy clubs? His jokes always fell flat!
31. What kind of horse makes terrible jokes? A lame pony!
32. How do you get a horse to laugh? Tickle its funny bone!
33. Why don’t horses ever win comedy competitions? They always chicken out!
34. How do you make a horse grin? Tell it a joke it’s never heard bhay-fore!
35. Why was the horse smiling after the comedian’s act? He was feeling punny!
36. How do you know when you’ve told a horse a really funny joke? When it’s rolling in the hay laughing!
37. What’s a horse’s favorite comedy prop? A mic-neigh-phone!
38. Why did the horse keep laughing after the joke was over? It had the after-neigh-giggles!
39. Why was the horse chuckling in the middle of the race? He must have hay-larious jokes on the brain!
40. What do you call a hilarious horse? A fun-neigh!
41. Where do horses go for a good laugh? The comedy stable!
42. Why did the audience boo the horse’s comedy routine? It was too cheesy!
43. How can you tell when a horse doesn’t think your joke is funny? It gives you a neigh-gative review.
44. Why did the horse comedian get a job pulling carts? His jokes kept falling flat!
45. Why was the horse laughing even though no one told a joke? It was feeling punny!
46. How can you tell when your horse doesn’t like your joke? When it says “neigh”!
47. What’s a horse’s least favorite comedy style? Slappystick!
48. Why did the horse keep smiling during the rodeo? He was having a barrel of laughs!
49. How do you know when your horse thinks you’re hilarious? When it whinnies with laughter!
50. Why did the horse keep laughing during dressage practice? He was trotting out new jokes!
51. What kind of jokes make horses laugh the most? One-liners they’ve never heard bhay-fore!
52. How can you tell if a horse finds a joke funny? If it’s laughing its head off!
53. Did you hear about the horse who won the comedy competition? He had the judges in stiches!
54. Why don’t horses tell knock knock jokes? They prefer corny jokes instead!
55. What’s a horse’s favorite type of humor? Riding jokes!
56. How can you make a grumpy horse laugh? Trot out some new humor!
57. Why did the horse laugh even though the joke wasn’t funny? It had a weird sense of humor!
58. What do you call a horse that laughs at its own jokes? A pun-ster stallion!
59. Why was the horse snickering to itself? It just thought of a hilarious new joke!
60. How can you tell if a horse thinks you’re funny? It will give you the hoof-up!
61. Why was the horse laughing hysterically during the polo match? The game was a laugh riot!
62. What’s a horse’s favorite comedy prop? A funny nose and glasses!
63. How do horses stay entertained? By trotting out new jokes!
64. What do you call a horse that tells lame jokes? A comedy nag!
65. Why was the horse chuckling during dressage? The commands cracked it up!
66. How can you tell if a horse likes slapstick comedy? If it falls over laughing!
67. Why was the horse smiling after the bad joke? It had bridled enthusiasm!
68. What’s a horse’s favorite comedy troupe? Monty Python!
69. How did the horse feel after no one laughed at its jokes? It felt saddled with failure.
70. Why do horses make such great comedians? They have a great sense of humor!
71. What do you call a horse that enjoys dark comedy? A neigh-hilist!
72. How can you tell if a joke went over a horse’s head? It will look puzzled!
73. Why did the horse keep laughing hysterically? The joke must have tickled its funny bone!
74. How do you know if a horse thinks you’re hilarious? It will be trotting in laughter!
75. What’s a horse’s favorite TV show? Whinny The Pooh!
76. Why was the horse grinning? Someone must have told it a hilarious joke!
77. Why did the horse keep laughing even though no one made a joke? It has a case of the silly stallions!
78. What do you call a horse that laughs at inappropriate times? A silly filly!
79. How can you tell if your horse thinks you’re funny? It will be smiling ear to ear!
80. Why was the horse smiling during the big race? It must have been having a barrel of laughs!
81. What’s a horse’s favorite kind of comedy? Improvisational humor!
82. Why do horses love going to comedy clubs? For the hoof-larious jokes!
83. How does a horse become a great comedian? Lots of practice and a mane for humor!
84. Why was the horse laughing and snorting? The joke really tickled its funny bone!
85. What do you call a horse that entertains crowds with comedy? A laugh riot!
