58 Funny Hoodie Jokes

Hoodie Puns (12)

1. I entered my hoodie into a baking contest. It didn’t win, but I think it was pretty even-steven.
2. My favorite hoodie was stolen. I reported it to the police, but they said there was no lead. Seems like they’re just grasping at straws.
3. I was cold so I put on two hoodies. You could say I double layered for extra insulation.
4. My hoodie got run over by a steamroller. Now it’s completely flat.
5. I entered my stretched out hoodie in a race. It easily won by a long drawstring.
6. When my hoodie got dirty I tried to wash it but it faded. I guess that’s what I get for buying a cheap sweatshirt.
7. I accidentally put my hoodie in the dryer and it shrunk. It’s my fault for not reading the washing instructions clearly.
8. My hoodie is very holy. It has so many holes in it, you could say it’s a priest’s favorite shirt.
9. My hoodie is so worn out, it looks like it went through the wash one too many times. You could say it’s very clean.
10. I spilled juice all over my favorite hoodie. Now it’s ruined and I’m feeling very sour about it.
11. I entered my hoodie into a Flexibility contest but it didn’t win. It refused to stretch itself out for the judges.
12. My hoodie got run over by a Zamboni. Now it’s totally smoothed out.

Hoodie One-Liners (16)

13. My hoodie is so big, it could fit two people, or one person twice.
14. My hoodie is so baggy, people often mistake there’s an actual bag inside.
15. My hoodie’s front pocket is so stretched out, I can fit a whole basketball in there.
16. My hoodie is so old, there are now six strings instead of two on the hood.
17. My hoodie is so long, when I put up the hood, all you can see are my shoes.
18. My hoodie’s front pocket is so oversized, I can fit a whole turkey dinner in there.
19. My hoodie’s hood is so stretched out, I can pull it all the way down over my whole body.
20. My hoodie is so hairy inside, when I wear it, people think I glued a dog to myself.
21. My hoodie is so baggy, I can wrap the whole thing around myself twice.
22. My hoodie has so many mysterious stains, it looks like a Rorschach test.
23. My hoodie is so ugly, when I wear it in public, pigeons fly into windows to get away from me.
24. My hoodie is so hideous, when I put it on to sleep, I have nightmares about being chased by it.
25. My hoodie is so oversized, five people can easily fit inside at once.
26. My hoodie is so stretched out, when I wear it, people confuse me for a broken tent.
27. My hoodie’s hood is so massive, when I put it on, I look like a parade float.
28. My hoodie is like an onion – it has layers.

Best Hoodie Jokes (30)

1. I was walking down the street wearing my favorite hoodie when a stranger came up to me and said, “Nice hoodie, does it come in men’s sizes too?” I didn’t know how to respond to that. This hoodie may be oversized but it keeps me nice and cozy!

2. My hoodie is starting to develop some serious body odor issues. I guess you could say our relationship is getting pretty rank.

3. I spilled coffee all down the front of my hoodie and tried to get the stain out to no avail. I took that L with dignity.

4. My hoodie is like a supportive best friend. It’s got my back, it lifts my spirits when I’m feeling down, and it never judges me when I just want to lounge around the house.

5. I accidentally put my hoodie in the dryer and now it fits my little sister. Growth spurt or shrinkage – only time will tell!

6. My hoodie and I have been through so much together. Laughs, tears, falls in the mud, baby spit up incidents galore. Our history is richer than a bowl of chili.

7. I was walking around with my hood up the other day and ran straight into a tree. Suffice to say, my vision was slightly obscured.

8. I spilled spaghetti sauce all down my hoodie and tried to blot it out with paper towels to no avail. Let’s just say that stain was there to stay.

9. My hoodie doesn’t quite spark joy anymore. After years of wear and tear it’s looking a little worse for wear. But we still cuddle on the couch together.

10. I accidentally washed my hoodie in hot water and now it fits my dog. At least one of us will get some good use out of it still!

11. My hoodie and I were chilling on the couch watching Netflix the other day when suddenly we realized 13 hours had gone by. Time flies when you’re completely zoned out!

12. I spilled tomato sauce on my light colored hoodie and tried to scrub it out but just made it worse. The red splatter marks are there to stay – a true stain on our history.

13. My hoodie started developing holes near the elbows recently. We’ve clearly been spending too much time lounging with our arms on armrests!

14. I spilled pasta with red sauce on my hoodie and tried to wipe it off, but that really only made it worse. I had to take that L marinara.

15. My hoodie’s zipper broke recently so now I have to carefully shrug it on and off without losing an eye. Dangerous but worth it for the warmth and comfort!

16. My hoodie is lucky to be covered by me. Otherwise it would be hoodie-less.

17. I love when my hoodie hugs me tight. It makes me feel so warm and secure, like a sweatshirt security blanket.

18. My hoodie and I were taking a walk when suddenly the drawstrings got caught in a branch and I was clotheslined to the ground. Thank goodness hoodies cushion falls!

19. I accidentally put my hoodie in the wash with something red and now it’s pink. At least we’ll match my sneakers?

20. My hoodie is my adventure buddy, whether it’s quiet nights on the couch at home or epic days exploring the great outdoors. We make memories together!

21. My hoodie has started growing little fuzz balls all over itself recently. I guess we’re just going through our awkward teenage fuzz phase together.

22. My hoodie may have mysterious stains of indeterminate origin all over it but I still love cuddling with it on chilly mornings.

23. I was walking outside and somehow managed to step on the strings of my hoodie and face planted into a big pile of leaves. Good thing hoodies cushion falls with all that fluff!

24. My hoodie is always there to comfort me when I’ve had a bad day. Its soft fleece warms my soul as much as my body.

25. My hoodie and I were taking an afternoon nap on the couch when suddenly an entire full glass of water got dumped all over us! Good thing hoodies are water resistant!

26. My hoodie has started growing little balls of fuzz all over it so now we jokingly call it Fuzz Aldrin. It seemed fitting for all his new textured craters!

27. I spilled an entire tray of lasagna on myself while wearing my favorite hoodie. Let’s just say I took that loss bolognese.

28. My hoodie and I were playing catch outside when I threw the ball wild and ripped a hole right through the sleeve. Luckily hoodies aren’t very vindictive friends!

29. My hoodie is starting to show its age – mysterious stains, loose strings, holes in inconvenient places. But just like a good friend, it doesn’t judge me when I veg out on the couch wearing it.

30. My hoodie and I were out on a hike when a sudden downpour surprised us. My hoodie got so soaked through that it looked like I was wearing a wetsuit! Thankfully it dried back to fluffy in no time.