Ghost Puns
1. I’m not afraid of ghosts, but they do give me the heebie-jeebies.
2. What do you call a ghost who walks around with a hammer looking for a nail? A spirit carpenter.
3. Why don’t ghosts ever lie? Because you can see right through them!
4. What’s a ghost’s favorite fruit? Booberries.
5. What did the ghost say when it sneezed? “Ahh-Boo!”
6. Why did the ghost go into the bar? For the boos.
7. Why don’t angry ghosts eat? Because they get in a stew!
8. Why are ghosts bad at lying? Because you can see right through them!
9. What’s it called when a ghost blows its nose? A ghoul sneeze.
10. What kind of makeup do ghosts wear? Mas-scara.
11. Why do ghosts love elevators? They lift their spirits!
12. Why did the ghost go to the hair salon? She wanted to get her boo-ty curled!
13. What streets do ghosts haunt? Dead ends.
14. Why don’t mummies take time off? They’re afraid to unwind.
15. What do you call a nervous ghost? A rattle-ghoul!
Ghost One-Liners
16. I tried catching fog yesterday but I mist.
17. What do ghosts serve for dessert? I Scream.
18. The ghost was asked to leave the haunted house because it was a spirit with no spirals.
19. I’m reading a great book about anti-gravity. It’s impossible to put down!
20. I would avoid the sushi if I was you. It’s a little fishy.
21. Did you hear about the ghost who went on a diet? He wanted to improve his ghoul-figure!
22. What do you call a happy ghost? A merry spirit.
23. What ghost is famous for being stuck in a corner? The Haunted Angle.
24. Did you hear about the ghost who got arrested? He was caught dead to rights.
25. How did the ghost say goodbye to all his monster friends? With a hiss and a wave!
Best Ghost Jokes
26. A mother was telling her young son a bedtime ghost story. “Once upon a time,” she began, “there was a ghost who lived in a haunted house…”
“Was the ghost a good ghost or a bad ghost?” her son asked.
“Oh, he was a very good ghost,” the mother replied.
“But mama,” the boy said, looking confused, “Isn’t a good ghost still a little scary?”
The mother laughed and said, “You’re absolutely right. I guess all ghosts are a little scary, even if they are good ghosts deep down.”
27. A ghost decided to take up cycling to stay fit. He was so bad at it that everyone called him a phantom menace on the roads!
When his ghost friends asked him how the new hobby was going, the ghost just sighed and said “It’s an uphill battle, but I’m determined to get better.”
His friends were supportive, saying “Don’t get discouraged. You’ll get there if you just keep peddling away!”
28. Did you hear about the ghost who was afraid of his own shadow? He was alarmed to find he had no body.
29. A family had just moved into a new house. That night, while the children were sleeping, they heard ghostly laughter coming from the attic. The parents searched the attic thoroughly but found nothing. Still, the ghostly laughter continued every night.
After a week of sleepless nights, they called a psychic to investigate. The psychic visited the house and was able to immediately sense a spirit in the attic. “You have nothing to worry about,” the psychic told the family.
“This ghost only becomes active after midnight when he comes out to laugh at his own jokes.”
30. On Halloween night, a ghost, vampire and zombie were going trick or treating together. At the first house, the owner put apples in each of their bags.
The zombie looked puzzled and said, “Hey wait a minute, I can’t eat this!”
The vampire shook his head in disgust. “Blah! I need blood, not this fruit!”
The ghost simply smiled and said, “Don’t worry guys, the spirit of Halloween is still there!”
31. A ghost walked into a bar and ordered a shot of whiskey. The bartender slid the drink down the bar and it went right through the ghost’s hand, crashing to the floor.
“Sorry about that,” the bartender said. “I should have known ghosts can’t drink anything.”
The ghost shook his head morosely. “Don’t worry, it’s not your fault. I just miss the booze.”
32. What do ghosts eat for breakfast? Ghost toast with booberry jam!
33. Why did the ghost go to the doctor? He was feeling a little transparent!
34. How do ghosts get money? They make it by scaring crow.
35. Why don’t oysters share their pearls? Because they’re shellfish!
36. I once saw a ghost drinking beer at the bar. I asked why he was drinking if the beer would just fall through him. He replied, “I do it for the booooooze.”
37. What do Italian ghosts eat for dinner? Spooketti.
38. Why do ghosts love riding elevators? It raises their spirits!
39. What’s a ghosts favorite dessert? Boo-berry pie!
40. Why did the ghost go to the doctors? Because he was feeling a little transparent!
41. Why don’t ghosts have any friends? Because they find it hard to connect with people!
42. Why didn’t the ghost ask for a room at the hotel? He was afraid they wouldn’t give him one!
43. What kind of streets do ghosts haunt? Dead ends!
44. What do you call a cows ghost? A Mooment!
45. Why don’t mummies take vacations? They’re afraid they’ll relax and unwind.
46. What’s a ghosts favorite dessert? Ice scream and boo-berry pie!
47. Why don’t angry ghosts eat? Because they get in a stew!
48. Why do vampires seem sick? They’re always coffin!
49. What’s a ghosts favorite fruit? Booberries!
50. Why did the ghost go to the salon? To get her boo-ty did!
51. Where do baby ghosts go during the day? Dayscare centers!
52. Why do mummies have trouble keeping friends? They’re too wrapped up in themselves!
53. What kind of makeup do ghosts wear? Mas-scara!
54. Why didn’t the skeleton want to go to the dance? He had no-body to go with!
55. What do you call a ghosts mom and dad? Trans-parents!
56. Where do ghosts buy their food? At the ghost-ery store!
57. Why did the ghost go to the doctor? Because he was feeling a little transparent!
58. What do you call a happy ghost? A merry spirit!
59. Why couldn’t the ghost see his mom and dad? Because they were trans-parent!
60. Why don’t ghosts have any friends? Because they find it hard to connect with people!
61. What do Italian ghosts eat for dinner? Spooketti!
62. Why didn’t the skeleton want to go to the dance? He had no-body to go with!
63. Why do ghosts love riding in elevators? It lifts their spirits!
64. Why are ghosts bad at lying? Because you can see right through them!
65. What did the ghost teacher say to her class? Watch the board and I’ll go through it again!
66. Why don’t skeletons fight each other? They don’t have the guts!
67. Where do baby ghosts go during the day? Day-scare centers!
68. What’s a ghosts favorite dessert? I scream!
69. Why did the ghost go to the salon? To get her boo-ty did!
70. What kind of makeup do ghosts wear? Mas-scara.
71. Why don’t ghosts have any friends? Because they find it hard to connect with people!
72. Why did the ghost go to the doctor? Because he was feeling a little transparent!
73. What did the ghost teacher say to her class? Watch the board and I’ll go through it again!