45 Funny Flashlight Jokes

Flashlight Puns

1. What do you call a flashlight that stops working? A pass-light.
2. Why can’t you tell a joke to a flashlight? It might brighten up for a second, but it will never crack a smile.
3. My flashlight told me it was going on a diet. It said it wanted to lose a few lumens.
4. Did you hear about the angry flashlight? It had a short fuse.
5. What do you call a nervous flashlight? A fright-light.
6. How does a flashlight feel when its battery runs out? Delighted.
7. What do you call a group of flashlights playing music together? A light orchestra.
8. Why are flashlights bad at knitting? They always drop their stitches.
9. Why do flashlights make bad lawyers? They have trouble making a strong case.
10. Where do flashlights go for vacation? To Brighton Beach.

Flashlight One-Liners

11. My flashlight is so bright, bats hang upside down from it.
12. My flashlight is so dim, I use it to help me fall asleep.
13. My flashlight’s so weak, vampires use it as a reading light.
14. My flashlight has an ego bigger than its beam.
15. My flashlight’s older than stone tools – and about as useful.
16. My flashlight runs on sunshine and rainbows – aka dead batteries.
17. My flashlight claimed it could light up a football field. It couldn’t even handle a chess board.
18. My flashlight’s the only one with a dimmer switch – for those extra dark nights.
19. My flashlight doubles as an excellent nightlight thanks to its 5-watt bulb.
20. My flashlight once entered a brightness contest. Let’s just say it didn’t make the finals.

Best Flashlight Jokes

21. A man was hiking through the woods at night when his flashlight battery died. He stumbled around in the dark for nearly an hour before he finally saw a faint light in the distance. As he moved toward it, he was surprised to see the light getting brighter instead of closer. When he got to the source, he discovered it was just some fireflies stuck inside an old glass jar. The man shook his head and said aloud, “Well, I guess that’s what I get for using battery-operated equipment!”
22. When the power went out in my apartment, I went to grab my flashlight from the drawer only to discover its batteries were dead too. As I fumbled around in the dark, looking for extra batteries, I thought to myself, “Isn’t it ironic that even my backup source of light has failed me now?” I haven’t been able to live that one down since!
23. As a kid, my brother was absolutely terrified of the dark. My parents bought him the brightest flashlight money could buy, hoping it would help ease his fears at night. One evening there was a bad thunderstorm that caused a neighborhood-wide blackout. My brother turned on his flashlight, but it provided only a faint glow. He looked at it in disbelief and screamed, “Et tu, Brute?!”
24. When Hurricane Sandy left our city without power, we had to ration the battery life on our flashlights and phones. On the third night, we were down to our last set of batteries. As soon as my mom put them into her flashlight, we heard a loud pop, saw a spark, and the flashlight went dead. My mom just stood there in the dark muttering, “Now the flashlight’s dead too? This night just keeps getting better and better!”
25. During a serious discussion around the campfire one night, my friend’s flashlight abruptly stopped working mid-sentence. He smacked it a few times trying to get it to turn back on as the rest of us laughed. When nothing happened, he looked up at us grinning and said, “Well at least now I don’t have to worry about shining any more light on this issue!”
26. Two hikers got lost while trekking through the woods after dark. Luckily, they both had flashlights to help them find their way. An hour later, the first hiker’s flashlight died. He turned to his friend and asked jokingly, “Hey, can I borrow your flashlight in case mine is broken?” The second hiker just shrugged and replied, “Don’t worry, mine probably won’t work either. But we can try shaking them both to see if that helps!”
27. On my last camping trip, I brought along a high-powered, military-grade flashlight that was supposed to have a powerful enough beam to illuminate objects over half a mile away. As soon as it got dark though, I went to switch it on, only to find it barely emitted enough light for me to see the ground at my feet. Some false advertising that was! When my buddy came over to see why I was grumbling, I told him that next time, I’d just use my cell phone flashlight instead.
28. When my wife sent me to the basement find a specific box during a blackout, I grabbed my heavy duty LED flashlight for the search. I wandered through the maze of dusty boxes and old furniture for 10 minutes before my light started visibly dimming. As I scrambled back upstairs I cursed whoever put non-rechargeable batteries in an emergency flashlight. I told my wife that if I ever went missing down there, she’d know where to send the search party!
29. An electrician was called out to an old house to investigate some faulty wiring that was causing the lights to randomly turn off at night. As he explored the basement with his flashlight, it began flickering until it cut out completely, leaving him in total darkness. He banged his flashlight trying to get it to work again as he muttered to himself, “Just my luck – even my flashlight doesn’t want to work in this stupid house!”
30. Two friends were telling ghost stories while exploring an abandoned cabin in the middle of the night. Just as one was reaching the climax of his story, the other’s flashlight mysteriously blinked out plunging them into darkness. They both froze in stunned silence for a minute before bursting into laughter over the coincidence. The storyteller grinned and said he couldn’t have timed that better if he tried!