Fire Puns
1. I tried to put out a fire with my hose, but the flames kept spreading. I guess my hose was having a heated debate with the fire.
2. I saw a building on fire and called 911. The firefighter said they’d be there in a flash, so I told him to take his time and not rush in without thinking or he might end up in hot water.
3. My friend got fired from the candle factory for stealing. I guess he got caught with his hand in the cookie jar one too many times.
4. Why did the firefighter get fired? She turned in her too weak notice.
5. Why are fires started by arsonists so rude? They tend to flame people a lot.
6. Why was the campfire arrested? It was caught kindling without a permit.
7. I tried to put out a fire by throwing a blanket on it. But it just got more blanket judgments and spread faster.
8. I saw a new firefighter use a fire extinguisher for the first time. She had a blast.
9. Why did the firefighter hang up a picture of water? It was his fire hydrant.
10. Did you hear about the firefighter who was addicted to fighting fires? He had pyro problems.
11. Did you hear about the fire that broke out at the circus? It was in tents.
12. Why do firefighters get to work early? To beat the rush hour.
13. How do you stop a fire from spreading? Fire a blanket warning shot.
14. Why was the fire hydrant in a good mood? It was feeling flushed.
15. Did you hear about the fire at the shoe factory? Hundreds of soles were lost.
Fire One-Liners
16. I got fired from my job at the candle factory. It was a job I just couldn’t hold onto.
17. I tried to become a firefighter but couldn’t make the cut. The training was just too intense for me.
18. I bought my friend a fire extinguisher for his birthday. He said it was the most thoughtful gift he had ever received.
19. I started carrying around a fire extinguisher after my kitchen almost burned down. Now I’m ready for anything that life throws at me.
20. My friend got hired as a firefighter. I told him not to get too fired up on his first day.
21. I saw firefighters spraying down a burning building. Those guys have a lot of pressure on them.
22. I lit a bunch of candles for a romantic dinner. My partner said it looked like a fire hazard waiting to happen.
23. My neighbor tried to put out a kitchen fire with a garden hose. Let’s just say it didn’t go as planned.
24. Smoke alarms are important to have in the house. I learned that lesson the hard way.
25. My friend was let go from his job at the match factory. I guess he just wasn’t a good match for the position.
Best Fire Jokes
26. A firefighter rushed into a burning building and rescued a baby girl from the flames. He carried her outside where her grateful mother was waiting. “Oh thank you so much!” she cried. “You saved my daughter’s life!”
“Not a problem, ma’am,” said the firefighter. “I’m just doing my job.”
“Well this calls for a celebration!” said the mother joyfully. “Come to my house tomorrow night for dinner. I’ll cook you the best meal you’ve ever had!”
The firefighter politely declined the invitation, but the woman was persistent. “No really, it’s no trouble at all. To show you my gratitude, I absolutely insist on having you over for dinner. Please say you’ll come.”
So the firefighter finally agreed. The next evening he showed up at the woman’s house, ready for his home-cooked meal. When the woman opened the door, she looked distraught. “I’m so sorry,” she said, “but I burned the dinner.”
27. One day, a huge wildfire broke out near a small town. The firefighters rushed to battle the blaze, but the flames had grown too large and were spreading too fast. It was clear the fire could not be contained.
The fire chief ordered everyone to evacuate immediately. “This fire is out of control! Abandon your homes and run for your lives!” he shouted. People streamed out of their houses, fleeing for safety as the fire raged behind them.
One man however refused to leave. The fire chief ran up to him yelling “You need to get out now! This fire will consume everything in its path!”
But the man just stood there calmly, sipping his drink. “Don’t worry about me,” he replied. “My house is fireproof.”
28. A firefighter was working on the engine outside the station when he noticed a little girl nearby staring at him. The firefighter walked over to greet the girl and asked if she wanted to see the fire truck up close. She nodded eagerly.
As he gave her a tour of the truck, she asked “So when there’s a fire, do you put it out by spraying water on it?”
The firefighter chuckled. “Well, we use water sometimes. But a lot of fires we put out with special firefighting foam.”
The girl looked thoughtful for a moment. Then she asked, “You mean you have to wait around for it to foam?”
29. One summer afternoon, a group of firefighters were called to put out a house fire. After a few hours battling the flames, they managed to extinguish the blaze. Exhausted, they headed back to the station.
When they arrived, the chief was waiting with a piping hot pizza delivery meant as a reward for their hard work.
“This isn’t just any pizza,” the chief explained. “I ordered you guys the Triple Fire Hazard Special!” He opened the box to reveal a pizza topped with chili peppers, hot sauce, jalapenos, and other fiery ingredients.
The firefighters took one look at the volcano-like pizza and yelled in unison, “No way, that thing’s a hazard!”
30. A firefighter’s wife was giving birth in the hospital when complications arose. The doctor pulled the firefighter aside and sadly informed him they would be unable to save both his wife and the baby.
“You must choose who to save,” the doctor said gravely.
The firefighter thought for a moment, then asked, “Can’t you spray them both with water and try to resuscitate them??”
31. At the scene of a terrible house fire, the homeowner grabbed a firefighter and said, “Please sir, this is an emergency! My family pictures are still inside!”
The firefighter rushed in and returned minutes later, handing the man a framed photo.
“This was the only one I could find intact,” he said.
The homeowner took one look at the scorched frame and melted picture and burst out laughing.
“Why are you laughing?” asked the stunned firefighter. “What’s so funny?”
“That’s a photo of my wife’s first husband!”
32. After working all night to put out a fire, the crew of exhausted firefighters returned to the station. The chief told them to take the day off and get some rest.
“Great!” said one firefighter. “I could really use a nap. Fighting fires all night is so tiring.”
“You said it,” yawned another firefighter. “I’m going to go home and sleep like a smoked log.”
33. The kids at a local elementary school were learning about fire safety, so the principal invited a firefighter to come give a demonstration. The firefighter arrived with all his gear and gave a presentation about stopping, dropping, and rolling.
To wrap things up, he asked if any students had questions. One little boy raised his hand and asked, “Have you ever started any fires?”
34. What do you call a group of chess-playing firefighters?
Checkmates.
35. On Halloween night, a group of firefighters got called to a burning house. When they arrived, they saw through the smoke a witch flying around on her broomstick cackling wildly.
Thinking fast, the fire chief pulled out his megaphone and shouted, “Bring her down men! And be careful, she’s a fire hazard on that thing!”
36. Why did the firefighters hang their clothing out to dry?
To prevent shrinkage.
37. How do firefighters keep their uniforms looking perfect?
They iron out all the creases!
38. What do you call firefighters who steal things?
Fire-takers
39. Why do firefighters wear special coats and pants?
To protect themselves in case of fire drills.
40. How do firefighters stay connected during a fire?
They use their hose phones.
41. What did the firefighter name his two sons?
Jose and Hose B.
42. Why do firefighters get to work early?
To beat the rush hour.
43. How do you stop a fire from spreading?
Fire a blanket warning shot.
44. What do you call a firefighter who is afraid of fire?
An oxymoron.
45. Why do firefighters get along so well?
They always have each other’s back-draft.
46. Why was the firefighter sore after work?
His job requires a fire hose of heavy lifting.
47. How did the firefighter feel after heroically rescuing a family from a burning building?
Pretty fired up!
48. What did the rookie firefighter learn on his first day?
To always axe questions if he doesn’t understand something.
49. Why was the firefighter late to work?
He had to put out a fire at home before leaving.
50. How do you cheer up a firefighter who just lost their job?
Rekindle their spirits!
51. Why are firefighters never afraid of fire drills?
Because they stop, drop, and roll with it.
52. Why do firefighters wear suspenders?
To hold their pants up in case of a fire drill.
53. What do you call a firefighter who always responds to the wrong fire?
A fired mis-director.
54. Why did the firefighter get in trouble for swearing?
The chief said it was un-flame-liar language.
55. Why are newly hired firefighters always so excited?
Everything for them is a fire drill.
56. Why did the firefighter tell his friends not to wait up for him?
He was responding to a four-alarm fire.
57. How do firefighters decide who gets to drive the truck?
With fire drills.
58. What’s a firefighter’s favorite type of cheese?
Gouda for melting.
