Donut Puns (20)
1. What did the police officer say to the donut thief? You’re under a-glaze!
2. Why couldn’t the donut finish the race? It ran out of glaze.
3. I got fired from the donut factory for stealing donuts. The manager caught me taking them behind his back.
4. I tried to make donuts in culinary school but they told me my batter was too holey.
5. Why do donuts make good baseball players? They know how to hit a hole in one.
6. How do you fix a broken donut? With toupee.
7. Why was the donut upset? It felt glazed over.
8. What do you call a donut that got run over? A flat tire.
9. Why did the donut go to the dentist? It needed a chocolate filling.
10. How does a donut stay in shape? It does Cross-Frit training.
11. Why can’t donuts be on time? They get held up in traffic jams.
12. What do you call an illegal donut business? A hole-in-the-wall operation.
13. Why did the donut lose the race? It couldn’t cross the Finnish line.
14. What do you call it when a donut loses its hole? A Danish.
15. Why did the donut go to jail? It was caught dusted in powdered sugar.
16. Why was the jelly donut so upset? It had too many fillings.
17. Want to hear a joke about donuts? Nevermind, it’s too holey to repeat.
18. Why was the policeman lonely? All his friends were on a doughnut patrol.
19. When does a donut stop being a donut? When it gets filled in the middle and becomes a Danish.
20. I’ve started telling everyone about the invention of the donut but people keep telling me to stop making up pastry stories.
Donut One-Liners (10)
21. I used to be addicted to donuts, but I got that hole thing taken care of.
22. Donuts: helping cops question people since 1847.
23. Behind every successful donut is a hole lot of hard work.
24. Friends don’t let friends do nuts alone.
25. Caution: donuts may be cops in disguise.
26. Donut worry, be happy!
27. Money can’t buy happiness, but it can buy donuts…and that’s kind of the same thing.
28. Dunkin’ Donuts: Fueling cops worldwide.
29. Why do seagulls fly over the sea? Because if they flew over the bay, they’d be bagels.
30. Donuts: like bagels but more sugarcoated and less controversial.
Best Donut Jokes (30)
31. A police officer stopped a driver for speeding. The officer asked the driver, “Can I see your license and registration please?” The driver replied, “I’m sorry officer, I don’t have them on me. But what I do have are these delicious donuts.” The officer looked puzzled as the driver handed him a box of donuts. After hesitating for a moment, the officer said “Look, I’d really like to let you off with a warning, but I’m afraid I still have to write you a ticket.” The driver nodded understandingly and handed the officer another box of fresh, tasty donuts. The officer drooled a little bit before saying “You know what, your positive attitude has really brightened my day. I’m going to let you go with just a warning. Please drive safely!” As the officer walked back to his squad car, he wondered if he should’ve asked for sprinkles on the donuts.
32. A tourist visited a famous donut shop and ordered a dozen donuts to take home. Before he left, he asked if he could take a picture to show his friends back home. The clerk said no pictures were allowed for security reasons. The tourist pleaded and offered $20 to let him take just one photo. The clerk refused. The tourist then offered $50, and the clerk finally agreed but only if the tourist promised not to share the photo with anyone. The tourist promised, took the photo, paid the clerk, and left happily. When the clerk developed the film, he was shocked to see the picture was just a photo of the floor. There were no donuts or any products shown at all.
33. A donut recipe was stolen from a famous bakery, and the owner was determined to find the culprit. He gathered all his employees and told them he knew one of them had stolen the top-secret donut recipe. He asked the guilty person to step forward and admit what they had done. No one moved. The owner then said if the recipe wasn’t returned by tomorrow morning, he would fire his entire staff and press charges. The next morning, the owner found an envelope on his desk containing the recipe and an apology note. It read: “Sir, no one here stole your donut recipe. When we came in this morning, there was a glazed donut on the floor near your office and none of us wanted to touch it.”
34. Did you hear about the new art exhibit featuring donuts? Critics are calling it a glazing success.
35. Why did the police officer pull over the box of donuts? He suspected fowl glaze.
36. What do you call a sad donut? Melon-cholic.
37. Why did the jelly donut visit the hotel? It needed a new filling.
38. What do you call an angry loaf of bread? Livid. What do you call an angry donut? Livid with rage(isin).
39. Why can’t you trust a donut? They’re too flaky.
40. Why did the donut get arrested? It was caught selling dough on the black market.
41. Which side of a donut has the most sugar? The outside.
42. What did the policeman say to his belly? You’re under a vest.
43. How do baseball players stay cool in hot weather? They sit by their fans. How do police officers stay cool? They sit near their donuts.
44. Why can’t you have donuts for breakfast? They’re for coppers!
45. My friend got addicted to eating spaghetti donuts, but then he realized he hit rock bottom.
46. I accidentally ordered 100 boxes of donuts at work. Sounds crazy but trust me, I have my reasons.
47. What do you call a sleeping donut? A zzz doughnut.
48. Why do donuts make great psychiatrists? They can handle anything you throw at them.
49. What did one donut say to the other while waiting at the bus stop? “This is taking for-glazing ever!”
50. Why don’t donuts make good shortstops? They have holes in their gloves.
51. A man walked into a donut shop and ordered a dozen donuts. The clerk asked if he would like them in a box. The man replied, “No thanks, I’ll eat them here.”
52. Did you hear about the donut-eating contest? People were lining up for a chance to get fat and diabetes.
53. Why don’t tires eat? Because they are afraid they will get a flat stomach. Why don’t donuts eat? Because they are afraid they will get a flat tire.
54. What kind of key opens a donut shop? A pastry key.
55. Did you hear about the new Netflix series called “Cops and Donuts”? It’s about police officers chasing giant pastries through the city. Critics say it’s just a half-baked plot.
56. How does a cop know where to meet his buddies? He follows the sent of donuts.
57. What did the police officer say to the baker as he was being arrested? ” resist a rest, I was framed!”
58. Why did the jelly donut visit the cobbler? It needed a new filling!
59. I was going to tell you a great joke about donuts, but it was too long and drawn-out.
60. What do you call a frozen donut? A brrrr donut!