Dj Puns
- What do you call a DJ who works at the airport? A turntablist.
- Why was the DJ’s equipment so dusty? He rarely used his turntables.
- My friend got fired from his DJ job. I guess he didn’t turn-table in time.
- What did the DJ name his son? Eric.
- How does a DJ freshen their breath? With some disc mints.
- Did you hear about the cheese factory that exploded in France? There was nothing left but de Brie.
- Where do DJs get their water? From a well, well, well.
- Why do DJs make bad surgeons? They’re always dropping beats.
- What do you call someone who brings a DJ back from the dead? A re-mixer.
- Why was the DJ wearing camouflage pants? So they could scratch without being seen.
Dj One-Liners
- I used to be a DJ, but I got a little disc-couraged.
- I wanted to be a DJ, but I just didn’t have the patients.
- What do you call a DJ with three arms? A USB port.
- My friend applied to DJ school but didn’t get in. He needs to turn-table his grades around.
- I went to a rave to see my favorite DJ, but the music was pretty disc-appointing.
- Did you hear about the DJ who robbed a grocery store? Police described him as an armed platter.
- What’s a DJ’s favorite snack? A mixer cookie.
- My DJ friend is addicted to food. He just can’t stop munching the beats.
- I wanted to be a DJ, but I couldn’t get my footvinyl door.
- Where do DJs get married? At the scratch chapel.
Best Dj Jokes
21. Two friends were talking about their career plans.
“I want to be a pilot!” said John. “What about you?”
“Well,” said Mike, “I love music, so I was thinking of becoming a DJ.”
“That’s cool!” said John. “But isn’t it super hard to become a pilot? All the training and tests you have to go through?”
“Yeah, it’s really difficult,” admitted Mike. “But at least I won’t have to carry around a huge collection of records like you will if you become a DJ!”
They both had a good laugh at that one!
22. A man walked into a bar and approached the DJ.
“Do you take requests?” he asked.
“Sure!” said the DJ. “What would you like to hear?”
“How about some jazz?” said the man.
The DJ looked confused. “You mean like…smooth jazz?”
“No, just regular jazz. You know, Miles Davis, John Coltrane, stuff like that.”
The DJ shook his head apologetically. “Sorry man, I don’t have any jazz. I’ve just got my laptop and some sick beats.”
The man sighed. “Forget it. Just play ‘Despacito’ again.”
23. A DJ was working a gig at a fancy country club. He was playing some upbeat electronic dance music and noticing people glaring at him.
After a few songs, an elderly woman walked up with her martini in hand. “Now see here young man! This is a sophisticated establishment, not some glow stick rave! Play something less aggressive!”
The DJ nodded politely. “My apologies ma’am. Let me just transition to something a little mellower.”
He faded out the pulsing dance beat and put on “Hot in Herre” by Nelly. The woman’s eyes went wide as Nelly rapped “I was like, good gracious ass bodacious”.
She stomped off fuming as the DJ chuckled. Hey, she said she wanted something mellow, not clean!
24. Did you hear about the DJ who was arrested? He was charged with making illegal beats.
25. My friend Dave became a DJ and changed his name to DJ Dynamite Dave. He’s pretty good, but I liked him better when his name was Dave.
26. I wanted to impress this girl at a club, so I told her I was the DJ. She called me out when she saw me standing in line for the bathroom 10 minutes later.
27. I don’t always dance when I’m sad, but when I do, I prefer the smooth beats of DJ Khaled.
28. My DJ friend gets mad when he sees birds sitting on power lines. He thinks they’re illegally downloading songs.
29. So a DJ, a producer and a singer walk into a bar. The bartender says, “What is this, some kind of joke?”
30. Did you hear about the DJ who only played songs starting with the letter “T”? They really knew how to keep the party going with their T-tracks.
31. I wanted to be a DJ, but the long nights and loud music gave me disc problems.
32. Did you hear about the DJ who got arrested for stealing bread? They charged him with a loafery.
33. What did the DJ name his pet hamster? Wheel of Four Cheese.
34. Why don’t DJs snack while they’re performing? They don’t want to get crumbs in the turntables.
35. My friend tried DJing, but he wasn’t very good at scratching records. He just couldn’t get the technics down.
36. Did you hear about the DJ who only played Frank Sinatra songs? They had a very nice selection of Ol’ Blue Eyes remixes.
37. What kind of shoes do DJs wear? Sneakers with good sole support for standing long hours.
38. I wanted to be a DJ, but kept getting my discographies confused with my biographies.
39. Why do DJs make bad gardeners? They’re always dropping sick beats instead of pulling weeds.
40. Did you hear about the DJ who fell into the fryer? They ended up DJ crispy.
41. What’s a DJ’s least favorite candy? Jawbreakers, they make talking between songs difficult.
42. Why don’t eggs tell DJ jokes? They’d crack each other up.
43. Did you hear about the DJ who only played 90s rock? People got tired of hearing them Spin Doctors records all night.
44. I wanted to be a DJ, but mixing those phat beats really wasn’t my cup of tea.
45. Why was the DJ’s equipment so dusty? People kept ignoring him and no one ever asked him to turn the tables.
46. Did you hear about the DJ who got fired from the radio station? They caught him slipping in Too $hort songs when the boss wasn’t around.
47. What’s a DJ’s favorite Marvel superhero? Spider-mix.
48. Did you hear about the DJ who played dubstep at The Old Folks Home? They really knew how to drop the bass for the geriatrics.
49. I wanted to be a DJ, but couldn’t figure out how to scratch properly. I guess I just didn’t have the right tech skills.
50. Why don’t DJs indulge in road rage? They don’t want to flip the disc.
51. Did you hear about the DJ who stole a police car? They were charged with grand theft auto-tune.
52. What do you call a DJ in a torn jacket? A disc jockey.
53. Did you hear about the DJ who only played songs about packaging? They had some sick shrink wraps.
54. I wanted to be a DJ, but mixing those crazy dubsteps made my head spin vinyl control.
55. Why do DJs make great spies? They’re good at keeping secrets and mixing tracks.