Disney Puns
1. Why was Cinderella thrown off the Disneyland basketball team? She ran away from the ball!
2. Why did Mickey Mouse go to outer space? He wanted to find Pluto!
3. What do you call a Disney store in France? EuroDisney!
4. Why did Goofy get fired from his job at the pancake house? He kept dropping the flapjacks!
5. Why can’t Elsa from Frozen have a balloon? Because she will just Let It Go!
6. How does Chip ‘n Dale stay in shape? They do chip-ups!
7. Why did Buzz Lightyear get a speeding ticket? He was going to infinity and beyond the speed limit!
8. How do Disney princesses stay connected? With their Instagrim!
9. What did Snow White say when she saw the dwarfs’ messy house? You guys need the Seven Sweeps!
10. What do you get when you cross Stitch from Lilo and Stitch with a dog? A glitch!
11. Why was Belle so good at poker? She was good at Beauty and the Beast!
12. How do Mickey and Minnie communicate when they argue? They Mouse-interpret each other!
Disney One-Liners
13. I asked Disney where the princesses were, they said, “Waiting for a guy to come save them!”
14. I never understood why Cinderella didn’t recognize her prince. Like seriously, girl, take off his mask!
15. Disney really missed out not making Frozen 2 about global warming.
16. Mickey Mouse has not aged well. Midlife crisis coming soon to Disneyland.
17. Buzz Lightyear wouldn’t actually fly, he’d just fall with style.
18. Pinocchio saying “My nose will grow now” would cause a paradox.
19. So that’s how Winnie the Pooh got his name! *eats jar of honey*
20. If Seven Dwarfs had a prequel, it would be About Last Knight.
21. The Little Mermaid remake is just 90 minutes of Ariel waiting for an Uber.
22. Cars is just a rip off of Planes. Disney isn’t even trying anymore.
Best Disney Jokes
23. Mickey Mouse and Donald Duck are walking through the woods together one day. After walking for a while, they come across a set of tracks. “Look Mickey, what kind of tracks are these?” asks Donald. Mickey studies them for a minute before responding “They look like deer tracks Donald.”
So they keep walking and come across another set of tracks. “Look Mickey, more tracks! What do you think these ones are from?” Donald asks again. Mickey examines the tracks closely. “Well Donald, these tracks look like wolf tracks to me.”
They keep walking in the woods another hour before Donald spots a third set of tracks. He runs over to Mickey excitedly. “Mickey Mickey! Look at these tracks here! What animal do you think left these?” Mickey looks down and shakes his head. “Nope, those are just Donald Duck tracks.”
24. One day Mickey Mouse and Minnie Mouse decided to get a divorce. The judge asked Mickey, “So you want to divorce Minnie because she’s crazy?” Mickey replied, “No, I said she’s f%#@ing Goofy!”
25. What did Cinderella say when her photos didn’t show up? Someday my prints will come!
26. Why did Ariel wear seashells? Because she couldn’t fit into D-shells!
27. What’s the difference between Snow White and the Seven Dwarfs and Dubai? Snow White and the Seven Dwarfs is a fairytale.
28. Why does Donald Duck put his shirt on before his pants? Because he doesn’t want to quack up!
29. Mickey Mouse and Donald Duck are walking down the street. Mickey points to the sky and says “Look, it’s snowing!” Donald looks up and gets hit in the eye with bird poop. He turns to Mickey and says “No, that’s poo from a goof!”
30. Why doesn’t Rapunzel ever go outside with wet hair? Because when her hair dries it leaves the tower!
31. Why was Cinderella thrown off the basketball team? She kept running away from the ball.
32. What’s Mickey Mouse’s favorite exercise? Mouse-ups!
33. Why did Goofy get fired from his job as a chef? He kept dropping the eggs and ruining the omelettes. His boss said “You’re just too Goofy for this kitchen!”
34. How do you keep Pongo and Perdita out of the kitchen? Put up a Dalma-tion!
35. Did you hear about the time Mickey Mouse and Minnie Mouse got a divorce? It was messy. Minnie got the house, the car, the kids… All Mickey got was Disneyland.
36. What kind of key does Mickey Mouse use to unlock his house? A mickey.
37. Why did Mickey Mouse go to outer space? He wanted to find Pluto!
38. How do the 101 Dalmatians stay connected? Through their social network, InstaGram!
39. Why does Peter Pan always fly? He Neverlands!
40. Why did Snow White leave her cottage in the forest? There were too many hoes.
41. How many Disney princesses does it take to change a lightbulb? Zero, they have servants for that.
42. What time does Mickey Mouse wake up to go to work? At 8:00 o’Mouse!
43. Did you hear about the time Mickey Mouse and Minnie Mouse got divorced? It was messy. Mickey found out Minnie was f%#@ing Goofy!
44. Why did Donald Duck get arrested at Disneyland? He was caught pants down behind the bushes!
45. Why does Mickey Mouse wear white gloves? So he doesn’t get Minnie pregnant.
46. How do the 101 Dalmatians keep their spots so clean? They use lots of bleach!
47. Why does Goofy wear a hat? To cover his bald spot!