Dinner Puns
- What did the fork say to the knife? Let’s cut to the plate!
- Why was the spoon so sad? It just didn’t have the right table manners.
- I tried to eat my dinner with chopsticks but I just couldn’t get a fork in edgewise.
- The meal was so bad I don’t think I can digest it.
- My friend got food poisoning at the restaurant. I told him, “That’s what happens when you order the special without asking what the catchup is!”
- I asked the waiter for a steak pun but he said no, that would be a rare medium well done.
- My wife made a great meal but I wasn’t impasta’d.
- The secret to a good casserole is a thick sauce – it really brings the dish together.
- I made fried chicken but it turned out batter than expected.
- The most important meal of the day? Breakfast. The most important thing at breakfast? Coffee, so you’re wide a-wakey.
Dinner One-Liners
- I like my women like I like my coffee. Ground up and in the freezer.
- I ate a clock yesterday. It was very time consuming.
- My wife accused me of being immature. I told her to get out of my fort.
- Someone stole my mood ring. I don’t know how I feel about that.
- My wife told me I had to stop acting like a flamingo. So I had to put my foot down.
- I went to buy camouflage trousers but I couldn’t find any.
- I used to have a fear of hurdles, but I got over it.
- Don’t trust atoms. They make up everything.
- What do you call a bear with no teeth? A gummy bear.
- Parallel lines have so much in common. It’s a shame they’ll never meet.
Best Dinner Jokes
1. My wife’s cooking is so bad we pray after our meal.
I told her she should take cooking lessons, to which she replied, “And have all my teacher’s teach me their recipes? I don’t think so!”
2. My wife made a lovely candlelight dinner, set the mood just perfectly. We started eating and she looked at me seductively and said, “How about a quickie?”
I was shocked and replied, “Well if it’s going to be that quick, I’d rather just finish my dinner.”
3. I asked the waitress for a quickie. She slapped me.
“What did you do that for?” I asked, shocked. “I just wanted a quick meal before my next appointment!”
4. My girlfriend invited me over for dinner with her parents. But right before the meal, she pulled me aside and warned, “My family says grace before every dinner.”
“No problem,” I replied. “I’m happy to participate.”
So when we sat down at the table, her dad extended his hands and said, “Grace.”
Without missing a beat, I responded, “She’s a very nice girl.”
5. My wife made a special romantic dinner for our anniversary. She lit candles and everything. After a few bites, she looked at me seductively and asked, “How about some dessert in bed?”
I was shocked. “What? Right now? But I’m still eating my main course!”
6. I took my girlfriend out to a nice restaurant for dinner. While looking at the menu she said, “I love a good, thick piece of meat.”
I said, “Me too, my dear. And the steaks here look delicious as well.”
7. My boyfriend invited me over for a home-cooked dinner. He lit candles, poured wine, turned down the lights. After the first course he fed me a strawberry from across the table. “How about something sweet for dessert?” he asked seductively.
“Can it wait until after we finish our meal?” I replied. “I don’t like to eat my sweets first.”
8. I asked our waitress if they had any specials tonight. She winked and said, “I get off at 11.”
I was taken aback. “Uh no, I meant specials on the menu…” My wife did not find it amusing.
9. My wife made a lovely romantic dinner, scented candles, fancy dishes, the whole shebang. After a few bites she looked at me amorously and asked “How about some foreplay?”
I almost choked on my food. “What, now? Can’t we at least finish eating dinner first?”
10. I took my wife out to a nice restaurant for our anniversary. When the waitress came over, my wife said flirtatiously “Tonight calls for something long, thick and juicy.”
I said “I hope you’re talking about the 24 oz Porterhouse Steak and not anything else on the menu!”
11. My girlfriend made a romantic candlelight dinner, with wine, flowers, soft music. After the appetizer, she looked at me suggestively and said “How about we move this to the bedroom?”
I was so focused on the delicious meal that I didn’t pick up her signals at all. “But I haven’t even finished my salad yet!”
12. I asked our waitress for the fastest thing on the menu. She slapped me and said “The chicken strips are pretty quick.”
13. My wife invited me upstairs after a romantic candlelight dinner. “Would you like to come up for some dessert?” she asked.
“Sure, let me just finish this last bite,” I replied. I didn’t pick up on any of her hints at all.
14. My girlfriend cooked a beautiful meal, candles, flowers, wine. After a few bites she looked at me amorously and asked “Ready for your sausage?”
I almost spit out my food. “Huh? But I’m still eating my chicken!”
15. I took my wife out for a fancy dinner at a nice restaurant. The waiter came by and asked if we’d like to see the dessert menu. My wife said suggestively, “I’ve got a sweet tooth tonight.”
I said “Great, let’s take a look at the dessert menu once we’ve finished our entrees.” I completely missed her signals.
16. My girlfriend invited me over for dinner with her parents. Right before we sat down to eat, she said she needed help with something upstairs real quick.
“Can it wait until after dinner?” I replied. “I don’t want the food to get cold.”
17. I asked the waitress which was faster – the chicken or the fish. She gave me a weird look and said “They take about the same amount of time to prepare.”
18. My wife made a romantic candlelight dinner, dimmed the lights, soft music. A few bites in she asked if I wanted some hanky panky.
“I’d love some but can we finish eating first? I’m really enjoying this meal.” I completely misread her signals.
19. My girlfriend said she was making a special dinner to celebrate our anniversary. After the appetizer she looked at me longingly and asked if I wanted to fool around.
“Already? But what about the main course?” I replied. I was oblivious to what she was implying.
20. I took my wife out for a fancy dinner. After looking over the menus for a bit, she said “I’m in the mood for something thick and juicy.”
“The 24 oz ribeye does look good, I think I’ll have that too,” I replied, completely missing her hints.
21. My girlfriend invited me over and made an amazing meal – candles, wine, flowers. A few bites in she asked if I’d like to move to the bedroom for some dessert.
“But I’m still eating my entree!” I protested. I was completely oblivious to her advances.
22. I asked the waitress if they had takeout. She gave me a funny look and pointed to the entrance.
23. My wife made a lovely romantic dinner – flowers, candles, fancy dishes. A few bites in she looked at me amorously and asked “How about some sexy time?”
“Can we do that later? I haven’t even finished my salad yet,” I replied, totally oblivious.
24. My girlfriend cooked a beautiful meal and set the mood with candles and wine. A few bites in she started rubbing my leg seductively under the table. “Ready for your sausage?” she asked.
“No thanks, I’m still working on the chicken,” I replied. I was completely oblivious to her signals.
25. I took my wife out for a fancy dinner. She was giving me eyes all night. Finally, the waiter came by and asked if we’d like dessert. My wife said, “I’m ready for something sweet.”
“Chocolate lava cake sounds great!” I replied enthusiastically. I totally missed that she was hitting on me.
26. My girlfriend made an amazing candlelit dinner, flowers, wine, the whole shebang. A few bites in she said she needed help with something and pulled me into the bedroom.
“Right now? But I haven’t even finished eating yet!” I protested, oblivious to her advances.
27. I asked the waitress which dish she recommended off the menu. She winked and said “I think you’d really like the hot buns.”
28. My wife cooked a beautiful meal, flowers, candles, wine. She nibbled on a strawberry seductively but I was too focused on the food.
“Aren’t you going to finish your plate?” she finally asked, exasperated that I hadn’t picked up on any of her signals.
29. My girlfriend invited me over for an intimate dinner. She dimmed the lights, lit candles, put on music. A few bites in she said, “I’m ready for the main course now.” And winked.
“Oh, we’re done with appetizers? Let me clear my plate then,” I replied obliviously.
30. I took my wife to a nice restaurant for our anniversary. She kept rubbing her foot against my leg. Finally the waiter came over and asked if we wanted dessert.
“No thanks, we’re too full from the main courses!” I replied. I totally missed all the signs my wife was giving me.
31. My girlfriend made a romantic dinner – candles, wine, flowers. She put her hand on my thigh and said “I’m in the mood for something long and hard.”
“I know, this table could really use some breadsticks right now,” I replied obliviously.
32. I asked the waitress if we could get the check because we had a movie to catch later. My wife kicked me under the table but I didn’t understand why.
33. My wife invited me upstairs after making a candlelight dinner. “Ready for dessert?” she asked seductively.
“Sure, but let me just finish this last bite first,” I replied, not realizing what she actually meant.
34. My girlfriend cooked an amazing meal and set the mood with wine and candles. She started kissing my neck and asked if I was ready for the main course.
“I haven’t even finished my salad yet!” I protested. I totally missed all her signals.
35. I took my wife out to a nice restaurant for her birthday. After ordering our food, she said she was craving something long and juicy.
“The 24oz ribeye does look good, I think I’ll get that too,” I replied obliviously.
36. My girlfriend invited me over for a romantic dinner. Flowers, candles, wine. A few bites in she whispered “I’m ready for your dessert now.” And winked.
“But I’m still eating my main course!” I replied. I didn’t pick up on her hints at all.
37. I asked the waitress if they had takeout containers. She shrugged and said they were more of an eat-in establishment.
38. My wife slaved for hours making a beautiful candlelit dinner. Soft music, flowers, wine. She nibbled on a strawberry sensually but I was too focused on the food.
Finally she blurted out “Well aren’t you going to take me upstairs already?” I was so confused.
39. My girlfriend cooked a lavish meal and set the mood with candles and flowers. As we ate she said she needed help with something in the bedroom.
“Right now? Let me just finish eating first,” I replied, oblivious to her advances.
40. I took my wife to a fancy restaurant for her birthday. The waiter stopped by and asked if we were interested in dessert.
She said, “I’m in the mood for something sweet and creamy.” I said, “The cheesecake sounds delicious!” I totally missed her signals.
41. My girlfriend made a romantic dinner -dimmed lights, soft music, wine. She started kissing my neck and whispered “I’m ready for the sausage course now.”
“But I’m still eating my chicken!” I protested, completely oblivious to her meaning.
42. I asked the waitress if we could get some more bread for the table. My girlfriend rolled her eyes – clearly she wanted to get out of there but it went over my head.
43. My wife invited me upstairs after a candlelit dinner. “Ready for some dessert?” she asked seductively.
“Sure, after I finish this last bite,” I replied, not picking up on her hints at all.
44. My girlfriend cooked an amazing meal and set the mood with wine. She started kissing my neck and asked if I wanted to skip to the main course.
“But what about our salads?” I replied, totally oblivious to her suggestion.
45. I took my wife out for dinner at a nice restaurant. After ordering, she said she was craving something thick and juicy.
“You’re right, the 24 ounce steak does look good. I think I’ll get that too,” I said, completely missing her point.
46. My girlfriend made a romantic candlelit dinner with wine and flowers. A few bites in she whispered that she was ready for dessert and started kissing my neck.
“Can dessert wait until after the main course?” I asked obliviously.
47. I asked the waitress if we could get a box for the leftovers. My date shook her head in disappointment but I didn’t understand why.
48. My wife cooked an amazing meal and set the mood with candles and music. She started rubbing her foot against my leg under the table but I was too focused on the food.
Finally she blurted out, “Well aren’t you going to suggest we take this upstairs?” I was so confused.
49. My girlfriend invited me over for a romantic dinner. Flowers, candles, the works. A few bites in she whispered she needed help with something in the bedroom.
“Right now? But I haven’t even finished eating yet!” I protested. I totally misread her signals.
50. I took my wife out for a fancy dinner at a nice restaurant. The waiter stopped by to ask if we wanted to see dessert menus.
My wife said, “I’m in the mood for something sweet and creamy tonight.” “Cheesecake sounds amazing!” I replied enthusiastically, oblivious to her flirting.
51. My girlfriend cooked an amazing meal and set the mood with dimmed lights and wine. She started kissing my neck and asked if I wanted my sausage.
“But I’m still eating my chicken!” I replied, completely oblivious to her suggestive comment.
52. I asked the waitress for the check because we had evening plans. My date sighed, clearly annoyed that I was rushing dinner, but I didn’t pick up on it.
53. My wife invited me upstairs for “dessert” after a romantic candlelit dinner. “Let me just finish this last bite first,” I replied, totally unaware of what she was implying.