43 Funny Cricket Jokes

Cricket Puns (15)

1. I tried to catch fog yesterday but I mist.
2. The secret to a good cricket team is having a coach who really pitches in.
3. The cricket batsman hit the ball so high it was outtasight.
4. The cricketer was stumped when asked where his kit was, but eventually wicket.
5. The cricket commentators realised the game was getting slow when fans started yawning between overs.
6. The cricketer was feeling batty after getting bowled first ball.
7. The cricket umpire has an eye for calling no balls, he’s got good vision on the pitch.
8. The cricketer couldn’t play for a while after getting injured but soon bounced back.
9. The cricketer was on a roll, scoring boundary after boundary, he was having a ball.
10. The cricketer didn’t want to get caught so he asked the bowler to go easy and bowl him some halfvolleys.
11. The cricket fanatic loved watching Tests, he was an all-rounder when it came to cricket trivia too.
12. The cricketer fielded the ball so quickly the batter was stumped.
13. During the rain delay the cricket fan hoped the match would resume so he could catch the end of the innings.
14. The cricket coach warned the batsman that his technique was lacking and he could get bowled soon.
15. The cricketer was given lbw but he didn’t walk as he felt the umpire’s decision was off the mark.

Cricket One-liners (10)

16. They say cricket is a gentlemen’s game, maybe that’s why I’m so bad at it.
17. Cricket is like baseball on valium.
18. The only boxes cricketers care about are the stumps.
19. Cricket – a game which the English, not being a spiritual people, have invented in order to give themselves some conception of eternity.
20. Cricket civilizes people and creates good gentlemen.
21. Cricket is war minus the shooting.
22. Cricket is an art. Like all arts it has a technical foundation.
23. To a person with a trained eye and petrified soul, cricket can provide the cheapest thrills and the highest excitements that life has to offer.
24. Cricket is a team game dressed up as an individual sport.
25. Cricket has everything. Drama, tension, humor, tragedy, and tea breaks.

Best Cricket Jokes (18)

26. A cricket fan was getting frustrated that he hadn’t yet caught a ball during a match. He said to the man next to him, “I’ve been coming to games for years and have never managed to catch a ball. Have you caught many?” The man replied, “Oh yes, I’ve caught hundreds of balls.” Surprised, the fan asked how he’d managed it. “Well you see, I stand in the deep and shout ‘I CAN’T HEAR YOU’ as loud as I can.”

27. During an international cricket match, an Englishman said to an Australian, “That fellow Bradman is an amazing cricketer. Do you know he has a test batting average that is almost 100 runs more than any other cricketer in history?” The Australian replied, “Oh yes, we are very proud of Sir Donald Bradman.” The Englishman asked, “So tell me, how do you Australians manage to produce such outstanding cricketing talent like Bradman?” The Australian answered with a smile, “Well you see, we just stick the bat up their arse and if they fart, they’re in the team.”

28. Shahid Afridi was stranded in the ocean with Michael Vaughan after a shipwreck. As they floated, they spotted a sealed bottle bobbing towards them. They opened it to find a genie inside who granted them each one wish. Afridi said, “I wish to live forever!” So he was turned into an immortal cricket ball. Then Vaughan said, “I want to live forever too, but not as a cricket ball.” The genie replied, “Sorry, your wish has already been granted.”

29. Sachin Tendulkar was getting frustrated in the nets, unable to hit a single ball. The coach said, “Focus Sachin. Watch the ball onto the bat and you’ll hit it.” After a few more misses, Sachin threw down his bat and left. A young fan approached and said, “I can help you hit every ball Sir.” Intrigued, Sachin agreed to give it a try. The boy took guard and the coach bowled. Amazingly, the boy hit every delivery out of the park with ease. “This is incredible!” said Sachin, “what’s your secret?” The boy replied, “Oh it’s simple – I just keep my eye on the ball and imagine it’s Britney Spears’ head.”

30. Brett Lee was teaching Shane Warne how to bat properly. After many failed attempts at hitting the ball, Shane threw down the bat and yelled “How am I supposed to hit the ball if I can’t see it?” Brett replied, “Just do what I do. Stand sideways and keep your ear in line with the expected path of the ball. That way you can hear it coming and hit it.” Shane tried it and amazingly connected the very next ball out of the middle. “You’re a genius!” he told Brett. Brett laughed and said, “There’s no genius about it. I’m completely deaf on that side.”

31. When Rahul Dravid arrived at the pearly gates, St. Peter welcomed him saying, “We have been waiting for you. You were an inspiration to so many and lived your life with grace and humility.” Rahul felt honored and asked, “So this is heaven? Wow I can’t believe I’m here. Everything looks amazing.” St. Peter replied, “Who said anything about heaven? This is the entrance to the Eden Gardens stadium. Today is the India vs Australia World Cup final and we need you to steady the innings.”

32. A doctor, engineer, and cricketer were arguing about which profession was better. The doctor said, “We are the most important, we save lives!” The engineer said, “No, we are the most important, we design everything people use!” The cricketer said, “We are the best, cricket brings joy to millions of fans.” Just then a massive earthquake struck. The doctor rushed to help the injured, the engineer checked the foundations of buildings, and the cricketer stood still looking around. His friends yelled, “This is serious, stop daydreaming!” The cricketer replied, “It’s okay, it’s not my test match.”

33. Sachin Tendulkar met AB De Villiers and asked for some batting tips. AB said, “Visualize the bowler is about to deliver. As he releases, pick up the length instantly. Decide front or back-foot. Transfer weight smoothly. Keep your shape side-on and watch the ball closely. React to the swing or spin. Execute the appropriate stroke.” Sachin was confused and said, “That’s very technical. How do you really play?” AB smiled and replied, “I see ball. I hit ball.”

34. Ricky Ponting visited a school. A kid asked “Sir, what is the secret to your fantastic batting records and amazing cricket career?” Ricky replied, “I guess I was talented and lucky.” Another kid said, “I think it’s about your world-class technique and mental strength.” Ricky smiled and said, “Well, those helped too. But you want to know the real secret?” The kids nodded eagerly. Ricky leaned in conspiratorially and whispered, “When nobody was looking, I used to tamper with the ball.”

35. Shane Warne’s wife was tired of him spending all his free time playing or watching cricket with his mates. One day she told him “Enough is enough, from now on you need to only spend two days a week on cricket. The rest of the time you have to be at home with your family.” Shane reluctantly agreed. He marked WCW on the calendar on Wednesdays and Saturdays. His wife saw it and asked him, “What do WCW mean?” Warney smiled and replied, “It means ‘Wicket Keeping Wednesdays’ and ‘Spin Bowling Saturdays’.”

36. A cricketer passed away and was waiting in line at Heaven’s gates. An angel said, “To get in, you need to have a life rating above 100.” The cricketer stepped forward confidently. The angel opened his book and frowned, “Hmm 38. You cheated at cricket a lot I see.” The cricketer protested, “38? That’s impossible! I was the greatest batsman ever!” The angel sighed, “Without adjusting for inflation, your test batting average is only 38 runs.”

37. On the first day of cricketing heaven, WG Grace was getting frustrated that he kept getting out early. He complained to God, “Why do I keep getting dismissed cheaply here? Is there no reward for good deeds?” God laughed, “My child, in heaven there are no rewards or sins. Everyone gets to bat like Bradman!” Grace replied indignantly, “Well if everyone’s Bradman, I might as well be back on earth.” Suddenly there was an almighty roar as every ball Grace faced was smashed out of the stadium. God announced, “You wanted special treatment, now you’ll face unlimited bouncers from the fearsome pace of Sylvester Clarke, for all of eternity.”

38. A sports fan died and went to heaven. He was talking with God about all the amazing people he’d met so far like Pele, Ali and Jordan. Just then a man walked past and the fan shouted excitedly “Wow, is that Donald Bradman?” God replied with a frown “No that’s Jack the Ripper.” The fan said “But why is he here? You let in bad people too?” God answered sternly “No, he’s not here as a reward. One day we were short on players for a cricket match, so I picked him for the team. He scored 100 runs, but has been walking around proudly like he owns the place ever since.”

39. Ravi Shastri and Sunil Gavaskar were walking around heaven when they saw a match about to start on a pristine cricket ground. Shastri said “Wow, Sachin is opening, and the bowler is Ambrose, this will be amazing!” Gavaskar noticed everyone leaving and said “Why is the stadium emptying out for such a great contest?” Shastri looked around puzzled and replied “You’re right, this is heaven’s dream match. I’ll ask the Lord.” So he went up to God and asked “Why did everyone leave the Sachin v Ambrose game?” God smiled and said, “That’s because the commentators for today are Ravi Shastri and Sunil Gavaskar.”

40. Sourav Ganguly arrived in heaven and was warmly greeted by Saint Peter at the pearly gates. “Welcome Sourav, you were an inspirational captain and led India through a transformational period.” Sourav smiled and thanked him. “Do you have any questions before you enter eternal paradise?” asked St Peter. “Well, I was just curious about one thing,” said Ganguly. “Sure, ask me anything,” said St Peter. “Is Greg Chappell here?” queried Sourav. St Peter laughed heartily and said, “No no, he’s not here. He’s in the other place, with the Devil!”

41. Sachin Tendulkar went to hell for a day just out of curiosity. The Devil kindly took him around showing all the facilities – the sauna, games room, dining area etc. Sachin thought ‘this is pretty luxurious actually.’ Finally, they came to a huge stadium with booing crowds. Out in the middle was Vinoo Mankad facing bouncers from a furious Shoaib Akhtar. The Devil said “This is our punishment arena. We force sinners like Mankad to face terrifying bowling for eternity.” Sachin cringed and said “That’s too harsh. Hope I don’t end up here.” The Devil laughed, “Oh don’t worry. The fiery bouncers are just for those who do Mankading!”

42. Rahul Dravid reached heaven and was surprised to see a sign “GOD NEEDS PARTNER – ANYONE WELCOME FOR NET PRACTICE.” Saint Peter explained “The Lord loves to bat but can’t find anyone to give him a challenge.” Dravid thought ‘here’s my chance to bat with God.’ During the net session, God smashed Dravid’s bowling everywhere. Dravid gritted his teeth and kept bowling exact line and length. Finally God lost patience and thundered, “Rahul, stop bowling so defensively like it’s a test match!” Dravid calmly replied, “Forgive me Lord, bad habits die hard.”