Clock Puns
- I tried to make a pun about clocks, but it was about time I gave up.
- Want to hear a joke about construction? Ah, nevermind. I’m still working on it.
- My friend got mad when I made a pun about clocks. He said it was a second-hand offense.
- Did you hear about the clock who went to Hollywood? He wanted to be a big timer.
- I bought a clock that swears when it strikes the hour. It has tourette’s syndrome.
- My watch told me to go to a psychiatrist. I guess it thought I had a screw loose.
- I was going to tell a time-travelling joke but you guys didn’t like it.
- Why was the clock staring at the bed? It was watching the springs.
- I tried to grab a clock off the wall but it kept ticking me off.
- I got fired from the clock factory because I kept tocking too much.
Clock One-Liners
- My watch is very clingy, it’s always attached to my wrist.
- I bought a new digital watch but couldn’t figure out how to set the time, so I took it back to the store watch I bought it.
- I brought my broken clock to the repair shop, but they refused to fix it. Apparently their time is too precious.
- I came up with a great joke about an antique clock, but it was about time I let it go.
- I wanted to tell you a great joke about clocks, but I don’t have the time.
- Did you hear about the clock who saved a man’s life? He was a first responder.
- I tried to explain a time-related joke to my friend, but he didn’t get it right away.
- I wanted to tell you a joke about my watch, but it needs a few seconds to tickle your funny bone.
- Did you hear about the robotic clock? It had a microchip.
- I tried to tell my friend a joke about clocks, but he kept talking over me and ruined the timing.
Best Clock Jokes
- Why was the clock in jail? It was doing time!
My friend asked me, “What time is it?” I said, “Look at the clock!” He said, “I can’t, it’s broken.” I said, “I know! I was just winding you up!”
- I fired my clock for being lazy. It was always clocking out early.
A man walks into a clock shop and asks the clerk, “Do you have any alarm clocks?” The clerk replies, “No, sorry, we don’t carry alarm clocks anymore because of the pandemic – nobody wanted to be woken up to the alarming situation every morning.”
- My watch broke, so I took it into the repair shop. They said, “Sorry, we don’t have the time to fix it.”
A man was furious when he noticed his clock was always late. He confronted the clock and yelled, “Do you have something against being on time?!” The clock replied, “No sir, I just find punctuality too time consuming.”
- Why do clocks always seem so down? Because every second counts!
I bought a digital clock. It was great at first, very modern and sleek looking. But eventually it became arrogant and self-centered. Now it’s just conceited.
- What do you call a clock with a short attention span? A second hand!
A man walks into a clock shop and asks for a timepiece for his home. The shopkeeper shows him a beautiful antique grandfather clock. The man says, “That’s a really nice clock, but I don’t have the time or patience to be winding it up all the time.”
- Did you hear about the clock who was late to work? He got the sack.
I asked my watch why it was running so slow. It said, “I’m just trying to make every second last!”
- What do you call a sad clock? A des-clock-rate one!
A man is feeling depressed so he decides to buy a grandfather clock, hoping it will lift his spirits. After bringing it home, the clock starts ticking and chiming on the hour. Before long, the man’s depression starts fading away. After a few weeks his wife notices he seems much happier. “That old clock really helped you, didn’t it?” she smiles. The man grins and says, “Yeah, I’m feeling a lot better since I got that clock! I guess it just goes to show that time heals all wounds!”
- Why are clocks so calm and relaxed? They take things one second at a time.
A man walks into an antique shop and asks the owner, “Do you have any clocks for sale?” The owner replies, “Sorry, all the clocks are on a watchlist and not available right now.”
- Why was the clock late to work? It overslept.
My friend asked me what time it was, so I looked at my new wristwatch and said “It’s quarter past two.” My friend said, “How can you tell? That watch doesn’t even have numbers on it!” I said, “I know, it’s very abstract and conceptual.”
- What do you call a clock that only eats clocks? A clocktivore.
A man walks into a clock repair shop with a large, broken grandfather clock. The repairman examines the clock and says, “I’m sorry, but fixing this clock will take me two weeks.” The man is shocked and asks, “Really, two whole weeks just for this one clock?” The repairman nods and says, “Yes, I’m completely booked with appointments for the next fourteen days.”
- My watch got hungry and started nibbling on my wrist. It’s a real time piece.
I told my friend I was going to make a joke about the rotation of the Earth and how we measure time, but it would probably go over his head.
- What do you call a clock on the moon? A lunar tick.
I asked my clock why it was always running late. It said it just needed more time to unwind.
- What do you call a clock that runs fast? A hurry-up clock.
I was going to tell you a time-related joke, but I don’t have a second to spare.
- Why was the clock arrested? It was caught tocking under the influence.
I tried to explain puns to my clock but it didn’t have the time.
- What do you call a clock that sings? A hip-hop-popotamus.
Why was the clock feeling run down? Because its batteries were dead.
- Did you hear about the clock who was a hoarder? He collected too much time.
My friend asked me if I wanted to hear a joke about a clock. I told him I don’t have the time for that right now.
- What do you call a yodeling clock? A Swiss wrist watch.
Why was the clock feeling emotional? It was having a pendulum mood swing.
- What do you call a clock that roams the seas? A pirate timepiece.
What do you call a clock that doesn’t move? Stuck in time.
- Why do clocks make terrible comedians? Their timing is always off.
My friend said, “Wanna hear a joke about a broken clock?” I said, “Sorry, don’t have the time.”
- Did you hear about the clock that eats other clocks? It has weird ticks.
I asked my watch if it wanted to hear a joke about time travel but it just went back in time before I could tell it.
