Chemistry Puns
1. What do you do with a dead chemist? Barium.
2. What’s a chemist’s favorite kind of tree? The laboratory!
3. Why can’t you trust atoms? They make up everything!
4. What do you call someone who loves chemistry cat urine? A feline chemist!
5. Why did the chemist only tell inorganic jokes? Because all the good ones Argon!
6. What do you call a tooth in a glass of water? A one molar solution!
7. Why did the scientist add milk to his nitric acid? He wanted to make nitrous oxide!
8. How does oxygen get around town? On an ox-cart!
9. Why couldn’t the proton win the race? It was 2+!
10. I tried to catch fog yesterday. Mist.
11. What do you call someone who steals beakers? A flask robber!
12. Why shouldn’t you trust atoms? They make up everything!
13. What do you do with a dead chemist? Barium!
14. Why did the chemist read the book about helium? He just couldn’t put it down!
15. Why is hamburger a compound? Because it contains carbon and bun!
16. What do you get when you mix sulfur, tungsten, and silver? SWAG!
17. Why can’t you trust an atom? They make up everything!
18. Want to hear a potassium joke? K.
19. What do you call someone who loves math AND chemistry? An alge-bra-ist!
20. What did one beaker say to the other? “My friend evaporated.”
Chemistry One-Liners
21. Chemistry puns? NaBrO.
22. Never trust atoms – they make up everything!
23. I would tell you chemistry jokes, but the good ones Argon.
24. The name’s Bond. Ionic Bond. Taken, not shared.
25. What do you call someone who steals beakers? A flask robber!
26. A neutron walks into a bar and asks “how much for a drink?” The bartender replies “for you, no charge!”
27. I was going to tell you a chemistry joke, but I know I wouldn’t get a reaction.
28. What did the alchemist say when he ran out of Potassium? Oh Noah! (O K)
29. Why do chemists enjoy working with ammonia? It’s pretty basic stuff!
30. Chemistry puns make me want to bromine. I chloroform.
31. Why did HCl do so well on his chemistry exam? He really knew his acid!
32. A proton walks into a bar and asks for a beer. “Sorry,” says the bartender. “You’re not served here.”
33. Did you hear about the hungry chemist? He had no pot to pee in!
34. What’s a proton’s favorite drink? Quark juice!
Best Chemistry Jokes
35. A group of chemists walk into a bar. The first one says, “I’ll have some H2O.” The second says, “I’ll have some H2O, too.” The third chemist says, “I know what you guys want, but I’m having a beer!”
36. There were two chemists who walked into a bar. The first one said, “I think I’ll have an H2O.” The second one said, “I think I’ll have an H2O too.” He died.
37. A physicist, a biologist and a chemist were going to the ocean for the first time.
The physicist saw the ocean and was fascinated by the waves. He said he wanted to do some research on the fluid dynamics of the waves and walked into the ocean. Obviously, he drowned and never returned.
The biologist said he wanted to do research on the flora and fauna inside the ocean and walked inside the ocean. He, too, never returned.
The chemist waited for a long time and afterwards, wrote the observation, “The physicist and the biologist are soluble in ocean water”.
38. What do you call a tooth in a glass of water? A one molar solution!
39. There are two types of people in the world – those who understand chemistry, and those who don’t.
40. Why can you never trust atoms? They make up everything!
41. I was going to tell you a chemistry joke, but the good ones argon.
42. Why can’t you trust an atom? Because they make up everything!
43. I asked my chemistry teacher “can gold evaporate?” He said “Au No!”
44. What do you do with a dead chemist? Barium!
45. Two chemists walk into a bar. The first one says, “I’ll have some H2O.” The second says, “I’ll have some water too. But why’d you order it like that? We aren’t at work.”
46. What’s the best kind of tree to have in a chemistry lab? A laburnum!
47. Why did the scientist add milk to his nitric acid? He wanted to make nitrous oxide!
48. Why couldn’t the proton win the race? It was 2+!
49. Did you hear about the hungry chemist? He had no pot to pee in!
50. Why couldn’t the chemist get a date? He had zero chemistry with people!
51. What did one beaker say to the other beaker? “Let’s get together.”
52. Why do chemists enjoy working with ammonia? Because it’s pretty basic stuff!
53. Why couldn’t the chemistry student concentrate in class? There were too many bonds to break!
54. Two atoms bump into each other. One says “I think I lost an electron!” The other asks, “Are you sure?” The first replies, “I’m positive!”
55. How did the chemist survive the famine? By curbing his calorie intake!
56. What did one thermometer say to the other? “You make my temperature rise!”
57. Why was the inorganic chemist so upset? He had zero chemistry with people!
58. What did the philosopher say to the chemist? You take everything for element-ary my dear chemist!
59. Why did the scientist put sodium chloride in his food? He wanted to salt it before tasting!
60. What type of chemical reaction takes place when ice is put in a drink? Cooling and dilution!
61. Where do chemists get their daily jokes? The periodic table!
62. What did Avogadro teach in school? Moles!
63. Why did the angry chemist write a composition about gold? He was Au-gry!
64. Why shouldn’t you trust atoms? Because they make up everything!
65. What’s a chemist’s favorite outdoor activity? Testing theories on the carbon cycle!
66. Why did the engineer call the chemist for help? He needed a solution!
67. How did the organic chemist know her synthesis was complete? It went full cycle!
68. Why did the chemistry student study alone? He had zero bonding energy!
69. How did oxygen and potassium take a trip together? In an OK Corral!
70. Why was the inorganic chemist charged with assault? He had attacked an anion!
71. How does a chemist stay out of jail? By avoiding all legal bonds!
72. Why was the chemistry professor not worried about failing students? She knew they’d get a reaction!
73. Why was carbon happy to see sodium? They had great chemis-tree!
74. Why did the elements lose their baseball game? Their pitches lacked chemistry!
75. What did one chemist say to the other? “We have great solute-ions together!”
76. How did oxygen and magnesium become friends? They bonded instantly!
77. Why couldn’t bromine and silver make up their differences? They had zero chemistry!
78. How do atoms send messages? Via chemical telegrams saying “IODINE!”
79. Why did the chemist focus on gold? It was her favorite Au subject!
80. Why did the proton feel so positive? It lost an electron!
81. How does chemistry help build friendships? Through bonds!
82. Why was the mole of gas depressed? Because he was feeling low pressure.
83. How did the chemist survive theCARD famine? By curbing his calorie intake!
84. What’s a chemist’s favorite outdoor activity? Testing theories on the carbon cycle!
85. Why couldn’t the chemistry student concentrate in class? There were too many bonds to break!
86. What’s a proton’s favorite drink? Quark juice!
87. What did the philosopher say to the chemist? You take everything for element-ary my dear chemist!
88. How does oxygen get around town? On an ox-cart!
89. Why couldn’t the chemist get a date? He had zero chemistry with people!
90. Why was Avogadro never lonely? He had a perfect mole!
91. Why did the atoms get married? They bonded instantly!
92. Why did the scientist put sodium chloride in his food? He wanted to salt it before tasting!
93. What type of chemical reaction takes place when ice is put in a drink? Cooling and dilution!
94. How does chemistry help build friendships? Through bonds!