Cat Puns
1. What do you call a cat that gets whatever it wants? Purr-suasive!
2. Why don’t cats play poker in the jungle? Too many cheetahs!
3. What do you call a cat that lives in an igloo? An eskimew!
4. Why are cats bad storytellers? They only have one tale!
5. What do you call a cat that eats lemons? A sourpuss!
6. What do you call a cat that lives in a bakery? A purr-bread!
7. Why don’t cats like online shopping? They prefer cat-alogues!
8. What do you call a cat that gets sent on quests? An adven-fur-er!
9. What do you call a cat that loves candy? Sweet whiskers!
10. What do you call a cat that does karate? A purr-ate!
11. Why are cats great actors? They’re very purr-formance driven!
12. Why don’t cats make good dancers? They have two left feet!
13. What do you call a cat who solves mysteries? An in-fur-stigator!
14. How does a cat party? It has a cat-tastic time!
15. What do cats order at restaurants? Mice krispies!
16. Why don’t cats play baseball? They prefer cat-ch!
17. What do you call a cat who eats fast food? A purr-ger!
18. Why are cats great spies? They’re very good at cat burgling!
19. What do you call a cat that lives by the sea? An a-mew-ser!
20. Why are cats bad drivers? They don’t use turn sig-meows!
Cat One-Liners
21. I didn’t change a thing in my house for years. Then one day I moved a chair and found 5 cats.
22. I put my cat on a raw food diet and now neither of us can catch any mice.
23. My cat is starting to show her age – she went outside yesterday and came back with a pretend mouse.
24. My cat loves drinking milk more than anything else. He’s very lactoast intolerant.
25. My cat hates it when I rearrange furniture. She acts like I’m deliberately trying to confuse her.
26. My cat enjoys pawing at invisible bugs until she falls off whatever she’s laying on.
27. My cat likes to hide in bags then jump out and attack ankles when I walk by.
28. I caught my cat hacking up a hairball and told her to use a tissue next time.
29. My cat likes to sleep on my head. He drools a lot. Now I know how it feels to be waterboarded.
30. I put a bell on my cat’s collar so I could find her more easily. Now she just moonwalks around the house.
31. My cat loves cellophane more than catnip. She’ll go crazy for an empty bread bag but ignore a plate of treats.
32. My cat jumps on the bathroom counter and tries to drop hair ties down the sink drain. I think he’s trying to clog the pipes.
33. No matter where I sit, my cat has to come over and sit directly on top of me. I think she’s trying to suffocate me.
34. My cat likes to bring live mice into the house as gifts. She’s so proud when I scream and jump on the furniture.
35. I pretend to accidentally kick my cat sometimes just so he knows who’s really in charge around here.
36. My cat always sticks her butt in my face. I keep telling her I’m more of a “consent is sexy” kind of a guy.
37. I wish my cat would get into a routine and stop waking me up at a different time every single morning.
38. My cat loves scratching up the couch. I think she has plans to completely destroy it by the end of the year.
39. I swear my cat does certain annoying things specifically when I’m on an important work call.
40. My cat likes to bite my nose to wake me up. I think she confuses it for one of her toys.
Best Cat Jokes
41. Why don’t cats play poker in the jungle? Because there are too many cheetahs!
A cheetah is a wild cat that lives in the jungle. This joke is a play on words because it uses “cheaters” (people who cheat) instead of “cheetahs” in the context of playing poker.
42. Did you hear about the cat who swallowed a ball of yarn? She had mittens!
This funny pun takes the phrase “had mittens,” which sounds like “had kittens,” to indicate the cat gave birth to baby cats after swallowing yarn.
43. What do you call a cat that gets whatever it wants? Purr-suasive!
This clever cat pun plays on the word “persuasive,” meaning able to convince others to do what you want. A “purr-suasive” cat would purr until it gets what it wants.
44. Why don’t cats play baseball? Because they prefer cat-ch!
In baseball, players catch balls. The joke is that cats like to catch things, so they prefer “cat-ch” instead of catch.
45. Did you hear about the cat who swallowed a duck? She was quacking up!
This joke plays on the phrase “quacking up,” which sounds like “cracking up,” meaning laughing hysterically. It implies the cat found swallowing a duck to be hilarious.
46. What do you call a pile of kittens? A meowntain!
This funny pun turns the word “mountain” into “meowntain,” implying a pile of cute little cats.
47. Why don’t cats like online shopping? They prefer cat-alogues!
Catalogues are print publications with items for sale. The joke plays on how “catalogues” sounds like “cat-alogues.”
48. Did you hear about the cat who ate a ball of wool? She had kittens with mittens!
This clever joke builds on the “had mittens” pun. The cat birthed kittens who were born with mittens because she ate wool.
49. What’s a cat’s favorite dessert? Mice cream!
The joke turns ice cream into “mice cream,” because cats love to eat mice.
50. Why did the cat put oil on the mouse? To grease its meals!
This funny pun turns the phrase “grease the wheels” (make something run more smoothly) into a joke about a cat oiling up a mouse to help it go down easier.
51. Did you hear about the cat who ate a ball of yarn? She had a litter of mittens!
Another spin on the “had mittens” joke, implying the cat gave birth to kittens who were born wearing mittens.
52. What do you call a cat who gets sent on quests? An adven-fur-er!
This clever pun takes the word “adventure” and turns it into “adven-fur-er,” implying a cat having adventures.
53. Why don’t cats play poker in the jungle? Too many cheetahs!
A repeat of an earlier pun, but it’s too good not to include again!
54. Did you hear about the cat who swallowed a CD? It made her purr louder!
CDs play music, so a “louder purr” implies the cat was able to purr more loudly after swallowing one.
55. What do you call a cat who solves mysteries? An in-fur-stigator!
This punny cat joke plays on the word “investigator.” An “in-fur-stigator” would be a cat who investigates mysteries.
56. Did you hear about the cat who drank milk too fast? It made her whey sick!
Whey is a component of milk. The joke implies the cat felt sick after drinking milk too quickly.
57. Why can’t cats work in a bakery? They eat all the turnover!
A “turnover” is a type of pastry. The joke is that cats would eat all of the turnover pastries if they worked in a bakery.
58. Did you hear about the cat who ate a giant ball of string? Her kittens came out tied up!
The cat’s kittens were literally tied up in string after she swallowed a large ball of it.
59. What do cats like to play at the beach? Sandy claws!
This clever pun takes the phrase “Sandy Claws” (Santa Claus) and implies cats with sandy claws digging in at the beach.
60. Did you hear about the cat who swallowed a box of stars? She was seeing shooting stars for weeks!
Swallowing star stickers would make the cat appear to be seeing shooting stars zoom around for a while.
61. Why do cats make bad storytellers? They only have one tale!
This joke plays on the double meaning of “tale” as either a story or the tail on a cat’s behind.
62. Why don’t cats like riding their bikes fast? They prefer to take it meow-ntainly!
This pun turns “mountainly” (slowly) into “meow-ntainly.” Cats tend to take things slowly and cautiously.
63. Did you hear about the cat who drank a gallon of varnish? She got the purr-lics something awful!
Varnish can cause stomach upset. “The purr-lics” sounds like “the percolics,” implying an upset stomach.
64. What’s a cat’s favorite song? Three Blind Mice!
Cats love to catch mice, so their favorite song would be about three blind mice they could easily catch.
65. Why don’t cats make good gardeners? They’re afraid to get their paws dirty!
This joke pokes fun at how fastidious cats are about keeping clean.
66. Did you hear about the cat who stole a pot of gold? She got away scot-free!
“Scot-free” sounds like “spot-free,” implying the cat’s fur remained clean during the theft.
67. What do you call a cat who loves candy? Sweet whiskers!
If a cat is described as having sweet whiskers, it implies they love eating sweet candy and treats.
68. Why don’t cats play poker in the jungle? Too many cheetahs!
This cat pun is just too good not to include a third time in this list!
69. Did you hear about the cat who swallowed a computer mouse? She clicks everything she eats now!
After swallowing a computer mouse, the cat would make clicking sounds whenever she eats.
70. What do you call a cat that eats lemons? A sour-puss!
A “sourpuss” is someone with a sour or grumpy expression on their face.
71. Why did the cat run from the tree? It was afraid of the bark!
This joke plays on the fact that “bark” can refer to a dog’s bark or the bark of a tree.
72. How is cat food sold? Usually purr can!
This pun turns “per can” into “purr can,” which is how cat food is often sold.
73. Why don’t cats do online shopping? Too much cat-egory confusion!
Shopping online has many product categories. The joke implies too many options confuse cats.
74. Why did the cat put oil on the mouse? To grease it’s meowls!
A repeat of an earlier joke, but it warrants a second appearance in this list.
75. Did you hear about the cat who drank a gallon of orange juice? She started leaving meowmentos everywhere!
Cats leave “meowmentos” (hairballs) for their owners to clean up after drinking too much juice.
76. What do you call a pile of cats? A meow-ntain!
Another repeat pun playing on “mountain/meow-ntain.”
77. Did you hear about the cat who ate some dice? She had kittens that came in litters!
The joke implies that swallowing dice caused the cat’s kittens to be born in groups or “litters.”
78. What’s a cat’s favorite dessert? Mice cream!
This mice/ice cream pun is too good not to include one more time.
79. Why don’t cats like fast cars? They don’t like to be fur-raried around!
Ferrari is a luxury sports car brand. Being “fur-raried” implies going too fast for a cat’s liking.
80. Did you hear about the cat who swallowed a squeaky toy? You could hear the mouse coming out of her!
When the cat coughed up the toy mouse, it would still make a squeaking sound.
81. Why are cats so good at video games? They have nine lives to practice with!
This common myth about cats having nine lives implies they have ample chances to practice gaming.
82. Why is the cat good at solving problems? She thinks out of the meow-x!
Thinking “outside the box” means finding creative solutions. “Out of the meow-x” indicates a cat’s clever problem-solving skills.
83. Why did the cat eat a ruler? So she could measure up to the dogs!
Cats are often considered less impressive pets than dogs, so the joke implies a cat eating a ruler to try to “measure up.”
84. Why don’t cats like rain? It makes them too wet to paws what they’re doing!
The pun implies that rain makes cats too soggy to comfortably walk around and “paws” what they’re doing.