Boomer Puns
1. I asked my boomer dad how his back was feeling. He said, “It hertz.”
2. My boomer uncle loves listening to The Who. I guess you could say he’s a big “Who” fan.
3. Why don’t boomers need Google Maps? Because they have a map quest.
4. What do you call a boomer who loves 60s fashion? A hippie!
5. Why do boomers love antique stores so much? They’re looking for something old and wise, like themselves.
6. How do boomers party? They turn up their hearing aids.
7. Why don’t boomers need passwords on their phones? Because no one else can figure out how to use them.
8. What’s a boomer’s favorite kind of coffee? Decaf that’s Sanka lot over the years.
9. Why do boomers have so many stories to tell? They have a long his story.
10. How does a boomer change a lightbulb? They just sit in the dark and reminisce about the old one.
11. What’s a boomer’s favorite genre of movie? History.
12. Why do boomers fall asleep so early? Because their bed time is 7pm.
Boomer One-Liners
13. I asked my grandpa how he handles staying at home all day. He said, “I’m good at retiring.”
14. Grandma said she was the hippest gal in town back in the 60s.
15. Don’t bother trying to teach grandpa how to use Facebook. He’ll just poke you and leave.
16. Grandpa misplaces his glasses so often we should start calling them hide and go seekers.
17. When I told Grandpa I was going to a music festival, he said, “Make good choices!”
18. Grandma gets mad when I take pictures of her with my phone. She prefers being photographed in black and white.
19. The only party my grandpa gets lit at starts at 4pm at Golden Corral.
20. I asked Grandpa if he ever did drugs when he was younger. He said, “I don’t remember.”
21. Grandma gets winded going up a single flight of stairs. I guess that makes her a one hit wonder.
22. I told Grandpa I was reading Hemingway. He said, “The Old Man and the Sea was my favorite book in middle school.”
Best Boomer Jokes
23. I took my grandpa to a Lady Gaga concert last night. He fell asleep and when he woke up he said it was the best opera he had ever been to.
24. My grandma was complaining about her phone battery dying so quickly. I told her to stop calling it a cellular phone since cell phones weren’t invented until the 80s. She insists her rotary phone should hold a charge for more than 30 minutes at least.
25. Grandpa went to the eye doctor for his glaucoma and afterwards said, “I got some new glasses but these ones don’t help me hear any better at all!”
26. I was talking to Grandma about who she was going to vote for in the next election. She said she was leaning towards FDR because she heard he has some great new deal that will get the economy back on track. I didn’t have the heart to tell her FDR died in 1945.
27. Grandpa got an Alexa smart speaker and was so excited to have a robot servant that does whatever he asks. But he returned it after a week saying it was defective because no matter how many times he demanded it, the robot never brought him a beer from the fridge.
28. I told Grandma about this new restaurant that has insane milkshakes with entire slices of cake and full candy bars on top. She just shook her head and said, “That’s way too over-the-top. A nice simple malt from the soda fountain is perfect for me.”
29. Grandpa has been telling everyone about the hot new single he heard on the radio called “Rock Around the Clock.” Apparently it inspired him to get up and dance like he hasn’t done in years. The song came out over 60 years ago.
30. I was showing Grandma how to use Youtube and she was confused why the video quality was so bad. She asked, “Why does it look so fuzzy and black and white? Is there a way to get it in color and make the resolution clearer?”
31. Grandpa got frustrated trying to pay with his credit card at a restaurant and kept saying the waiter must have done something wrong. Turns out he was trying to hand over his long expired JC Penney credit card from 1978.
32. Grandma asked me if I knew when email was invented so she could thank whoever invented “electronic mail” for making it so easy to connect with family. I didn’t have the heart to tell her email has been around since the 60s.
33. I was showing Grandpa family photos on Facebook and he asked if we could print out physical copies to keep. When I told him the photos only exist digitally he was shocked and said, “Well how will we preserve all these precious memories?”
34. Grandma keeps insisting her car is fine because it only has 75,000 miles on it. I checked and sure enough, the odometer reads 75k. However, the car is from 1976 and has rolled over from 999,999 miles awhile ago.
35. Grandpa was complaining about the 20 minute wait at the pharmacy. He said, “Back in my day you’d just tell ’em what you needed and they’d grab it right off the shelf.” I didn’t have the heart to explain all the prescription regulations that have been added since the 1950s.
36. I told Grandma I’m thinking of backpacking around Europe after college. She warned, “Now be careful of Gypsies—they’ll rob you blind. And stay away from those English meat pies!” Uh, okay Grandma, thanks for the medieval travel tips.
37. Grandpa got called for jury duty but was disqualified after telling the judge he didn’t trust computers and would only make a verdict based on tangible evidence he could see and touch. The case was about a financial crime with extensive digital evidence.